You wanted me to post more, so this is what you get.
July 12, 2005I woke up this morning to pain. Pain rolled over and gazed into my eyes and whispered, “Hey, baby.”
“Jesus Christ,” I whimpered, “What did you do to me?”
“Wouldn’t you like to know,” Pain chuckled. “Now get up and make me some goddamn French toast.”
Let’s try this again.
I kept waking up throughout the night wondering what was hurting, was it me or the bedside table or the dog?, and then I’d fall back into a fitful sleep in which ghosts were trying to steal my blueberries. Bloooberries, each one would cry, wafting toward me with their ghostly hands outstretched, and I would throw them out the church doors and scream, Enjoy some fucking blueberries in hell!
When I finally woke up, my first thought was what was with all the ghosts and the blueberries? And my second was holy crap what is wrong with me?
It seems that I have a muscle spasm in every muscle in my neck and upper back. And shoulders. The pain is radiating down my arms, and up into my head, and down my spine. My god, how it hurts. I can’t turn my head in any direction or pick up anything or breathe.
Because experience has taught me that Sarno is wise and wonderful, or at least on the right path in such matters, my first thought was, who am I mad at? Or, um, what do I not want to do? I don’t want to read more Star Wars books, came to mind, and I am mad at George Lucas and want to kill kill kill him, but you all know that already. I expressed my rage! There’s nothing pent up in here! So what else? I went to the dentist yesterday, and although I had a cavity filled, it was not altogether unpleasant. Sadly, I now anticipate with great joy the peace and mental freedom I will experience while my teeth are being drilled. I was a little pissed at my dentist for the way he was manhandling my mouth as if there weren’t a face attached to it. You know when dentists lean their hands up against your nose and eyes while they’re working? Or when they continue to pull at your upper lip way past the point when it could reasonably help them see what they’re doing? Yeah. So there was that.
You know what else hurts? Sneezing. Coughing. And moving. And reading books. (And typing.) And lifting Henry, but of course I have to do that. I’ve tried ice, which hurts, and heat, which hurts as well. I’ve tried gentle stretches, which cause the kind of breathtaking pain that just has to be productive, but afterward everything remains the same. When my husband comes home, I will try beer.
Reader Comments (47)
Sorry. But reading about pain fills me with pain. And yeah, laughing over Pain's comment to you (Laid Off Dad. So have to check out his blog).
You know, you even make pain funny so if you want me to feel guilty, you should stop being so dang funny.
I hope you feel better.
acupuncture, plus margaritas, or caipirinhas, or something else delicious and anaesthetic like that.
And the chiro is sooooooooo good. Delicious.
I've broken my back twice and am intimately familiar with back pain, muscle spasms, herniated discs, and the other six yards... (Hell, intimate only BEGINS to describe this relationship. I get the feeling sometimes its more of a BDSM thing.)
Anyway, I'd hold off on the chiropracty for a bit -- it can help, but it can also worsen things if the provider doesn't notice inflamed discs or nerve contact. The advice provided by roo (tube) is usually pretty useful and can be supplemented by placing two tennis balls along either side of your spine, lying down on them and slowly pushing yourself up and down, rolling them along your back by walking while lying down.
Another good one (usually better for your lower back) is to roll up a towel real tight, lay it on the ground and lay on it with it crossing your pubic bones and upper hips. Lay like this for about ten minutes and it'll significantly relax your lower back by taking a lot of pressure off of it.
Finally, ibuprofen be da shiznit.
Also beer. (But not with the ibuprofen)
But recently I had an X ray taken of that part of my body (for a different, non-spine purpose) and the doctor was freaked out by how messed up my lumbar spine is.
Go figure.
Good luck and happy daze ahead. Thanks for sharing your life's tribulations and joys with us.
ps NO vicadin, unless you really really need it--masks other problems. My opinion...
I just got back from my MRI.
PS: Down with George Lucas!
Also, I love your dream. Everything should rot in hell!
We always call that combination of drugs and alcohol the "hippie cure." Hehehe... it works especially well with colds. You take cold medicine, wash it down with beverage of choice and viola! No, no, you're not really better, you simply don't care.
According to my dad, who has had severe back problems, Percoset accomplishes the same thing. Pain still there, but you just don't care.
I have awakened with the stiff neck thing upon occasion. I refuse to subscribe to the whole "slept wrong" idea. How can that be? But I suspect my little cricks are nothing compared to your problem. Which prompts me to recommend you get some sort of professional help. My first choice would not be a chiropracter, but then again, I've never been to one either so maybe that's the way to go. Either way, seems like you'd feel a lot better if you got some help. The Star Wars isn't going away, you know. It will only add to your pain. Eliminate what you can!
Maybe the blueberries have to do with the new Charlie and the Chocolate Factory movie coming out ("Violet - you're turning Violet, Violet). Perhaps your body is protesting the feminization of darling Johnny Depp.
I threw my neck out two mondays ago, finally got to the chiro on Thursday, and by Sunday I was right as rain. I could even turn my head!
I've done this before, and regular docs will only give you pain meds, if you want to go that route. I managed to get through it on Aleve and chiro adjustments.
My doctor says this is a direct result of spending way too much time on the computer. He gave me some exercises to do to strenghten my neck muscles so that I can prevent this from happening in the future.
Oh, BTW, the night I threw out my neck? My 2-year-old threw up his dinner. At 2:30 AM. In our bed. So I had to haul him around for an hour while I cleaned everything up.
I feel your pain.