Withdrawing

It has begun.

At first I thought I was going to eliminate caffeine before I attempted withdrawal. I figured (rightly) that I shouldn’t do both at once, because I should know exactly why I feel like crap. Then some reasonable friend asked me why I felt so inclined to torture myself, when I could simply cut down on caffeine until it didn’t make me want to claw at my face. I couldn’t argue with this logic.

As for the drugs: My original plan called for me to reduce my dosage by about 20 granules each week (there are 100 granules in each capsule). At the start of the week, I would open seven capsules, remove 1/5th of each, close them, and have the correct dosage all ready to go.

But I forgot that I am lazy, and not exacting, and easily distracted by the shiny things and happy voices on the television box. So, when faced with hundreds of teensy-tiny granules that like to roll and bounce all over the black paper I laid out, I became overwhelmed, and then sleepy, and finally I decided to go the less-scientific route. Each day, I would just toss out what looks to me like 20 granules. For the past week I’ve been tossing granules hither and yon, and so far, so good.

I was planning on taking fish oil while I was withdrawing, because someone on the Internets suggested it. But a health-expert friend told me that fish oil, which usually helps fight depression, can have the opposite effect when it's combined with an antidepressant. Not to mention, fish oils strike me as, well, icky. I don’t like the idea of someone juicing a salmon and dripping the oily runoff into capsules, which sit on a shelf for weeks or months. I’m sure I’m wrong about this.

It’s been a week on my reduced dosage, and I am having none of the unpleasant side effects. I’ve noticed little things, like a fascinating metallic sensation when I swallow, like the back of my throat is made of tin foil. And then we were at the Brooklyn Museum a few days ago, and I couldn’t shake the feeling that each piece of art I looked at had somehow taken residence in my brain. I mean, I could feel them, all knotted up in there, somewhere behind my eyes. This was strangely pleasant.

I know this makes no sense. I think everyone should go on a drug, just to go off of it and see what it does to you. By next week, I will have developed synaesthesia, and I will taste purple and hear fur and see impatience!

Comments

[Dorothy]

Well, if the art is going to live behind your eyes, at least it is good museum art and not, you know, something that hangs in the doctor's office because his sister-in-law painted it. Even though it sucks. Not that I know any doctors that would do that.

[schmutzie]

I am a bit synaesthetic. The sound of cotton balls rubbing together is tangy and orange-red.

Oh, and right back at you, Alice.

[sac]

No brain shocks? You are lucky, then, my wife went through hell with those during her withdrawal. Here's hoping your smooth transition continues.

[Broad]

SEE impatience? Don't you LIVE impatience personified every day in that gorgeous little 3 year-old?

[Mir]

Purple is delicious and nutritious!

[Jenny]

Fur makes a growling sound.

[Em]

*whispers* - "I see impatience. All the time."

[Nothing But Bonfires]

Maybe that metallic sensation at the back of your throat is the beginnings of you tasting purple already. Once full-fledged, it will probably be more like almonds. Or chicken.

[Erica]

I know that metallic taste! I get it for a week when going back on Zoloft. And when I try to quit smoking. Hmm. I had SSRI Withdrawl Syndrome (or whatever) pretty bad when I tried to stop Zoloft. I was convinced that I would never be able to quit. But I was able to. I cut all my pills in half and started backing down. It took about six weeks. If I started having brain shocks, I'd just hold steady to whatever pattern I was on until my body acclimated.

Anyway. Good luck.

[blackbird]

I'm totally with ya on that fish oil business. And I am certain that the capsules smell. How could they not?

[Sheryl]

I'm glad the weaning is going ok. Keep us posted.

[Lisa V]

If you ever decide to try fish oil, you can get it in little condiment like packets. They make it taste like orange. I personally have never tried the shit, but my husband swears by it and sucks down two a day.

[beck]

I've always secretly wished I had synaesthesia. But I can see how it would get old after a while.

[coolbeans]

I want to taste purple.

[clickmom]

Just this morning I was driving to the dentist thinking that the new song on the radio didn't work at all because it was too much like bean bag chair and not enough like a comforter. And you want to hear the funniest thing? I could be withdrawing off of fish oil as I have not taken it for a few days. Hahahaha

[Moose]

I used to crave that metallic taste. I would see tin foil and want to chew on it. That probably isn't normal.

I hope your withdrawal continues to go smoothly and as painlessly as possible.

[Halfmad]

Good luck. My withdrawal in early spring was spectacularly unsuccessful. I finally got on different drugs to ease off the original ones. But the ones I was easing off are known to be difficult.

[Halfmad]

Oh...I read the original post. Okay, I was getting off the same thing. Well, all the best to you. Sounds like you're doing pretty well. I honestly don't know why they prescribe that stuff to anyone; everyone I know had to get off it.

[Candice]

You poor thing! I am so so sorry. I wish I could give you some handy advice, but alas, I have none, never having gone through what you have ahead of you. However, I can say this: you are one tough woman! And a great mommy! And you WILL be fine, you will be great and healthy and happy and whole. Hang in there.

[SF Knitter]

omg. omg omg omg.i did it twice. i went back on it because i was so depressed and i knew the Effexor worked. but the withdrawl. o.m.g.the second time took 2 months and was hell. just like the first time. i did it about a fifth at a time too, and with fish oil (stinky). the hardest part is the last fifth and then the nothing. after a few days of nothing i went back to a tenth for a while, and then nothing again, and that was ok except for some dizziness which went away a few weeks later. That Effexor. It works, but goddamn.Enjoy!

[Susan]

I feel fairly certain that when you start to see impatience, it will look like me. At least that's what my children say.

And fish oil gives me the willies.

[Stephanie]

If you don't mind, what drug are you withdrawing from, and why?

[capello]

Ewww... fish oil is icky. And from what I've read, its typically rancid by the times its on the stoer shelves. Ewwwww...

In any case, if its the omega 3's your're after either try to eat salmon or grind some whole flax seeds (they need to be ground so you're body can absorb the oils - our stomaches are not strong enough to penentrate the fiberous shell, from what I've read). Sprinkle about a tablespoon on some food once or twice a day (yummy added to cereal and salads).

The flax seeds have totally worked for me -- but not for withdrawl of depression meds. For withdrawl of psoriac arthritis meds.

[gillian]

I want to go on those drugs that make you orgasm when you yawn. My boyfriend won't need to try as hard.

Seriously, going off antidepressants never had any weird effect on me. Going on the drugs always did. Someone give me an antidepressant that doesn't make me comatose or hurt my stomach, please.

[kindle]

I had no idea Effexor had bad withdrawls when I started it, doncha just love it when doctors don't give you all the necessary information? If I ever forget and skip a pill I already feel like shit the next day -- metallic feeling, tingly tongue, dizzyness. But god damn do I feel great when I'm on the stuff.