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Let's Panic: The Book!

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How to Endure and Possibly Triumph Over the Adorable Tyrant
who Will Ruin Your Body, Destroy Your Life, Liquefy Your Brain,
and Finally Turn You
into a Worthwhile
Human Being.

Written by Alice Bradley and Eden Kennedy

Some Books
I'm In...

Sleep Is
For The Weak

Chicago Review Press

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Let's Panic

The site that inspired the book!

At LET'S PANIC ABOUT BABIES, Eden Kennedy and I share our hard-won wisdom and tell you exactly what to think and feel and do, whether you're about to have a baby or already did and don't know what to do with it. → 

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With friends like these, etc.

Henry's constructing a Bionicle in the backseat. "I built you a guy," he announces.

I look behind me. It appears to be some sort of three-pronged weapon. "Where's his head?" I ask.

"He doesn't have one," he explains. "He's an Electro-Stabber."

"Why don't you build something friendly?" Scott asks.

"Yes," I agree, "Can't you build something…non-stabby?"

Usually this response drives Henry insane, and he rails against our lack of understanding in such matters. Bionicles and the like were created as weapons of destruction, not diplomacy; when will we pacifist fools understand that?

But this time he pauses and says, "Okay."

A few minutes later he's done. "I built you an Electro-buddy," he says.

I look behind me again. "It looks exactly the same."

"It's a buddy!" he insists.

"Doesn't seem very huggable," I observe.

"Oh, you can hug him," Henry says. "Only if you do you'll get stabbed."

Reader Comments (48)

At least he warned you...
October 13, 2008 | Unregistered Commentersuburbancorrespondent
Even the buddies have to protect themselves..
October 13, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterJen
Well, you sure passed on your quick wit to him!
October 13, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterDory
lol. I am living in a parallel universe with my son. :-)
October 13, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterGeorge
When I was a child and Mr. Rogers sang, "Won't you be my neighbor," I enjoyed screaming back, "NOOOOOO!"

And I turned out a-ok. So don't worry about the predilection towards stabby stuff.
October 13, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterThe Window Seat

The boy. He is a genius.
October 13, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterYou can call me, 'Sir'
That last line made me LOL.I scared the cat.
October 13, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterFrogdancer
Dearest Alice,

Please stop imposing your pacifist will on "He-Who-is-Bent-on-World-Domination-and/or-Destruction.

Forebodingly,HWIBOWDA/OD’s minion

October 13, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterHeyJoe
You might have yourself a special Electro-Buddy with Privileges there depending on the location of that third stabbing appendage.
October 13, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterdee
I think I've had that same conversation with my 5-year-old ;-)
October 13, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterLisa Clarke
My brother just bought my boys their first set of Bionicles.

Not quite the same as the teddy bear of my youth...
October 13, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAngella
I frequently get stabbed by men when I hug them. [/end bad sexual joke]
October 13, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMichelle
Why don't our children want to play with Teddy Ruxpin? He's making such a big comeback.
October 13, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnnie Valentine
I think your boy and my boy would get along great! Oh, the Bionicles.
October 13, 2008 | Unregistered Commentercatnip
Boys will be boys. We don't buy our boys guns or let them watch anything but G rated movies. Yet somehow they still gravitate towards stabby things naturally.
October 13, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterWendy Surf
Beware the Stabby Buddy
October 13, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMiss Grace
Stabbability is a really important quality to have in a friend!
October 13, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMarinka
I love that kid. Seriously. Just because of that last post of yours. Who doesn't need a stabby buddy?

My eldest has recently moved beyond the Bionicles phase - hurray. Now he builds complex destruction vehicles out of his legos. They start as cars, but he adds lasers and missiles and probably stabby things as well.

Watch out - you'll get here soon.
October 13, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterEmail From The Embassy
Hehehe. Reminds Bossy of back-in-the-day when her son used to proclaim himself "a love guy" to appease his mother while selecting small branches in the yard to act as automatic weapons.
October 13, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterBOSSY
That's logic for ya.
October 13, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMamaCass
Your kid is awesome.
October 13, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterDani
Good heavens, what on earth are bionicles? I have a lot to learn before this here boy gets borned.

I guess stabby buddies are marginally better than pastel little ponies with combable hair. I'll try to count my blessings.
October 13, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterNewt
Rarely do books, movies or blogs make me laugh out loud. This did. You now share a dubious throne with David Sedaris and Mystery Science Theater 3000. Congratulations?
October 13, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterjbeeky

I love Henry and his quick wit!
October 13, 2008 | Unregistered Commentersveedish
I am having a day of heartbreak, despair and self-loathing. I do not say those things lightly. I was sort of casting around the internet for something to distract me from what is going on, even for a moment. Nothing worked until I read this post.

October 13, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterPB

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