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Let's Panic: The Book!

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How to Endure and Possibly Triumph Over the Adorable Tyrant
who Will Ruin Your Body, Destroy Your Life, Liquefy Your Brain,
and Finally Turn You
into a Worthwhile
Human Being.

Written by Alice Bradley and Eden Kennedy

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Let's Panic

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At LET'S PANIC ABOUT BABIES, Eden Kennedy and I share our hard-won wisdom and tell you exactly what to think and feel and do, whether you're about to have a baby or already did and don't know what to do with it.

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Monday
Jun062005

What I Did This Weekend, by Alice. Now with pictures!

1. I had all of my hair cut off. I now look like Mia Farrow in “Rosemary’s Baby,” except in the many ways I look completely different from her.

2. While my husband watched the child, my friends and I went to see Sondre Lerche perform at my brother’s record store. I never thought I would think my brother was cooler than me, as I have long felt myself to be the coolest person in the known universe, but there it is. He has a record store in Williamsburg that is frequented by youngsters who wear ironic t-shirts. I have a child who puts Play-Doh in my hair and says “I made you a hat!” and then I forget about the Play-Doh and walk around with the Play-Doh hat until it falls off.

3. I fell utterly in love with Sondre Lerche, a musician you should get to know because he is wondrously talented, not to mention the dreamiest young Norwegian I have ever had the pleasure to ogle.

4. I felt a little gross about loving Sondre Lerche, as he is maybe 21 and I just turned 36. I and my friends were the oldest people at his show. Except for the 50-year-old guy in the front row who also, I think, was there to enjoy Sondre Lerche for more reasons than his music.

5. I was introduced to Sondre Lerche by my brother, who told the Nordic heartthrob, “Could you come say hello to my sister? She never gets out of the house.”

6. Wow! That was embarrassing!

7. I spent the next seven hours giggling inappropriately.

8. The next day it was some kind of anniversary! It was like six years ago or something that I married that guy, what’s-his-name. I call him “Not-Sondre.”

9. No, seriously. I love that guy! We went out for dinner and everything. Our nice friend Debbie watched Henry while we enjoyed Fancy Italian Food and got drunk on a single glass of wine apiece. We are cheap dates. This morning Henry woke up calling out “Debb-eee… Debb-eee…” and was visibly disappointed to find that I was still his mother.

In conclusion, I had a fun weekend. The End.

UPDATED TO ADD:

Okay, okay. You be the judge:

1. Here I am with my Mia Farrow "I can use a camera" expression:

Abhair1_1

2. Here I am being told that I'm pregnant--with Satan's baby!


Absurprised

3. And here I am with my Satanic toddler, who is jabbing me in the neck with some tiny remnant of a long-ago torn-to-pieces Star Wars toy.


Hpokingab

Reader Comments (61)

Better than ogling Sondra Locke, at any age. Anyway, trot out the MILF pics, already, and congrats on 6 years.
June 7, 2005 | Unregistered Commentersac
JAG ALSKA SONDRE OCH......

He's the hottest little piece of white norwegian lefse this side of I don't know where....

I am VERY jealous. Can you introduce me to your brother....Oooops, forgot I was married too! To the unhip "not-Sondre" type/"not record store ownin'" either.....BUMMED.
June 7, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterUma Andersson
I am 38. I spent 3 months waiting for Frankie Muniz to turn 18 so I could lust over him legally. And you're worried about a puny 15 year age difference?

Please let me emphasize that it was only because I saw Agent Cody Banks and he looks good in a tux. That's it. Otherwise I'll reserve my lust for Orlando Bloom & Johnny Depp & Rowan Atkinson.

And I think a Play-Doh hat would be cool. On New Year's Eve I got jealous that the waitstaff at the restaurant were wearing hats and I decided to fashion one for myself. I spent the next 15 minutes wearing a small bowl on my head until one of them took pity on me and made me a hat as well. And I don't have kids.
June 7, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterDM
1) V.V. cute hair2) I would also like to marry Henry when he is of age (If I am not dead of old age)3) You don't look at all like I imagined a (reluctant) mouse killer would look.
June 7, 2005 | Unregistered Commenterkarla
Mia, you look fabulous.

(Also, Henry is ROCKING THE SWINGS!)
June 7, 2005 | Unregistered CommentermelissaS
Now all you have to do is learn my favorite line from that movie...

Wait until Spawn of Satan has done his evil best, then lay down on the sofa and whisper, "Unspeakable. Unspeakable.", until you feel your sanity returning. Well, that may take too long. Just do it a couple of times, and let it go at that.
June 7, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterMarcheline
Your hair looks totally fabulous!
June 7, 2005 | Unregistered Commenterbetsy
Love the haircut. But I wanted a picture of the Play Doh hat.
June 7, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterMartha
I love the cut, looks much much much better than my mia farrow do.
June 7, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterSam
I love Sondre Lerche! I thought I was the only one! And your hair? Really cute.
June 7, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterTamstar
Somebody better tell me I don't look a day over 30, and QUICK. I'm just saying.
June 7, 2005 | Unregistered Commenteralice
Great haircut! Both my girlfriend and I (avid, lurking readers) would totally peg you for 25. And wow, do you look like Henry.
June 7, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterC
Aiii! So cute you are! I must hack off my hair right quick, but it will never look as fab as yours (I'm too fat to work the Mia anymore, sigh)

Still wanna gobble your sweet boy's cheeks. So edible!
June 7, 2005 | Unregistered Commentermissbanshee
You look different than I thought! I had visions of a blonde. I guess its the name "Alice."

Yeah! I love short hair! I'm totally going to start the Alice fanclub.
June 7, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterSarcastic Journalist
Aaah, that's better. I thank you.
June 7, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterAlice
Ooh, feisty haircut! I'm totally jealous of your fabulousness.
June 7, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterPsycho Kitty
i had reconciled myself to the fact that you were totally hot and funny and smart all in one person. now you cut your hair and put on a play-doh hat and otherwise demonstrate that you are hotter, funnier, and smarter even than i originally thought. also, based on the visuals, younger. are you telling people you're 36 so that they'll take you seriously despite your youth?
June 7, 2005 | Unregistered Commenteranne
you look fab-U.
June 7, 2005 | Unregistered Commentermamaloo
Nobody is as pretty when impregnanted by Satan as you, Alice!
June 8, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterEm
OMG you're so cute. Way hotter than Mia.
June 8, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterSheryl
I love the haircut!

Are you sure you are old enough to have a child?
June 8, 2005 | Unregistered Commenterhalloweenlover
I'm delurking for this one. Ahh, Sondre Lerche. Makes you want to give your own little memorial to Anne Bancroft a la Mrs. Robinson style. You're super hot by the by. And that Henry of yours? He might be New York's future answer to Sondre Lerche, given the way he already makes the older ladies swoon. Congrats to you and pretty Rambo.





June 8, 2005 | Unregistered Commenterkim
That hair makes me both happy that it's so cute on you and angry that I will never be able to replicate it with my round dinner plate face.
June 8, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterMonoCerdo
Also, you have very lovely hands.
June 8, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterMonoCerdo
so THAT'S where satan's own toddler got his beautiful eyes!
June 8, 2005 | Unregistered Commenterwix

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