Me: Okay, it's time to go, so let's—
Henry [throwing himself to the ground]: WHAAAAAaaagh oof!
Henry: I really fell! That wasn't a trick!
Me: Yeah. Anyway, as I was saying—
Henry [careening toward the wall]: Oh nooooooo the house is sliding to one side!
Me: Henry, we're late for—
Henry: Oof! Oh, man, I hit that wall hard.
Me: I recommend you stop throwing yourself against hard surfaces. So as I was say—
Henry [his body sliding across the parquet]: HEHHHHHHHHFFFFfff.
Me: Oh, sweet baby Jesus, enough with the wacky pratfalls.
Henry: Now I'm going to hit the couch really hard with my face.
Me: No you're not. No, you're not NO YOU'RE NOT aaand you just did.
Henry: WHAT? That was an accident.
Me: You kind of gave yourself away when you announced it beforehand. Can you just put your socks on OH MY GOD GET UP.
Henry [face down in front of me]: I'M DOING IT. Why are you so grumpy all the time?
Me: Here. Your socks. HERE.
Henry [putting on one sock and then falling over]: WAAAIIIIOOOOOOooough.
Me: You're trying to kill me, aren't you.