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Let's Panic: The Book!

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How to Endure and Possibly Triumph Over the Adorable Tyrant
who Will Ruin Your Body, Destroy Your Life, Liquefy Your Brain,
and Finally Turn You
into a Worthwhile
Human Being.

Written by Alice Bradley and Eden Kennedy

Some Books
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Sleep Is
For The Weak

Chicago Review Press

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Let's Panic

The site that inspired the book!

At LET'S PANIC ABOUT BABIES, Eden Kennedy and I share our hard-won wisdom and tell you exactly what to think and feel and do, whether you're about to have a baby or already did and don't know what to do with it. → 

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What did I do, world?

Yesterday at 5:30 a.m., I was awakened by the Mother of All Bladder Infections. "Come into the bathroom," she whispered into my ear. "I have something to show you." I won't even tell you what that bitch did to me in there, but it was gruesome. Somehow I managed to live until 9 a.m., when my doctor's office opened, and the nurses hoisted me off the stoop and into an examining room.

I love my doctor because he's not at all nonchalant about illnesses. He is always highly alarmed by my condition, whatever it is, as if he'd never seen anything like it before. Strangely, I find this reassuring. If I'm in pain, I don't want my medical specialist to poo-poo my discomfort. So when he gasped in horror at the sight of my urine specimen--just eyeballing it made him gasp, kids! It didn't look good!--I kind of wanted to kiss him full on the mouth. It would have made an adorable story for our future children. Unfortunately we're both married, and my husband was fretting in the waiting room. Our love, it cannot be.

Anyway, he knocked me up (NOT THAT WAY) with many many drugs and I spent the rest of the day and all of the night and then most of this morning either in bed or in the can, either peeing or sleeping. Sleep, pee, sleep, pee. I was kind of like my dog. Except I have better aim.

Then this afternoon, just as I started to feel better, the phone rang. It was the woman who gave us Izzy, our brand new, incredibly adorable cat. Izzy's mom had been diagnosed with feline leukemia. For whatever reason, the cat had previously tested negative, but was now positive.

So! It appears that my kitty cat may or may not be long for this world. Anyone know anything about FeLV? Because the Internets, she is bringing me the contradictory information. And I'm trying not to cry, over here. I need all my bodily fluids, for the peeing.

EDITED TO ADD: Okay, so maybe I shouldn't read only one highly alarmist website about FeLV before posting. The one that said she had an 85% chance of dying within months. I'm trying to find it now, and can't. Probably I hallucinated it. I blame the Cipro. Yes. Ahem.

Reader Comments (68)

I hope both your pussies will be alright.:-}
May 22, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterLindyloo
That was a remarkably descriptive description of a bladder infection. You are a woman of few - but shockingly effective - words.
May 22, 2007 | Unregistered Commenterzoom!
Bladder infection? Drink cranberry juice.
May 22, 2007 | Unregistered Commentercloudsandskye
Well, that was obviously a fun day. Don't days like that just make you think "Oh boy oh boy, what will tomorrow bring? More rainbows and happy flowers? Maybe I should just never get out of bed again." I hope you feel better soon and that the kitty is a-okay.
May 22, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterMelanie
Cranberry what? Never heard of it.
May 23, 2007 | Unregistered Commenteralice
I can't believe no one has suggested that you simply get a penis. Problem solved.
May 23, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterArthur
Pee right after sex, every single time. Works for me. I mean, it would, if I had someone to have sex with (sob!).

p.s. Hi, mom!
May 23, 2007 | Unregistered Commenterdebl
Pee after what? I like to just rub poop in my vagina. Wait, is that bad? (Hi, Debl's mom!)

May 23, 2007 | Unregistered Commenteralice
my goodness! i cant believe nobody mentioned how darn funny this post was!!!! i almost peed my undies when you said you wanted to kiss your doc full on the mouth!! lol.cant help with the kitty or uti but hope everything turns out ok
May 23, 2007 | Unregistered Commentersusan
Hi - sorry for this late comment, but I'm visiting your blog for the first time. The pics of your new kitten are adorable! I'm compelled to comment because of the mama cat's FeLV diagnosis - a little more than 2 years ago my husband and I took in a friend's cat. The cat was a former stray, but seemed perfectly healthy. A year later, he tested positive for both FeLV and FIV ("feline AIDS"). He remained healthy for another year, until he suddenly stopped eating. We spent a ton of money on tests and treatments at the vet with no conclusive results as to why he was no longer eating, but over two months he lost over 1/2 his body weight. When he dropped below 7 lbs (due to his refusal of food), we could not watch is decline any longer. We had him euthanized in May. He was estimated to be 6 or 7 years old. Of course, we have no idea how long he'd had the diseases. If your kitten does test positive, I wish her the best - hopefully many healthy, symptom-free years. But I would suggest you prepare your wallet for some hefty vet bills, just in case! Good luck, Izzy.

June 23, 2007 | Unregistered Commenteririses
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July 12, 2007 | Unregistered Commenterkytril
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July 28, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterSmit
My life's been basically boring. Such is life. Nothing exciting going on worth mentioning.

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I feel like a fog, not that it matters. I've pretty much been doing nothing , but eh. Today was a loss. I haven't gotten much done for a while.
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