How to Endure and Possibly Triumph Over the Adorable Tyrant
who Will Ruin Your Body, Destroy Your Life, Liquefy Your Brain,
and Finally Turn You
into a Worthwhile
Human Being.
Written by Alice Bradley and Eden Kennedy
W. W. Norton & Co.
Bright Sky Press
The site that inspired the book!
At LET'S PANIC ABOUT BABIES, Eden Kennedy and I share our hard-won wisdom and tell you exactly what to think and feel and do, whether you're about to have a baby or already did and don't know what to do with it.
Submit! SUBMIT!
My latest Momversation, for you. About the Duggars and the concept of "submitting" to one's husband. Wherein I mommunicate my feelings. I present my argumomt. I am never going to stop making fun of the name "Momversation." I'm pretty sure they love me for this.
Momscuss!
March 6, 2012
Reader Comments (41)
I think that you are being smitted by the ick coming from Charlie! But I would need to check with my husband to see if that is correct (oops I don't have a husband does that mean I have no right to an opinion at all?)
That's going to be my go-to excuse, "I HAVE to look terrible! It's my religion!" Thanks for the excuse!
In all seriousness, yes you shouldn't criticize other people's religion and respect their beliefs and all that...as long as they're not telling you how you should live your life based on *their* beliefs. Does that make sense? If you are telling me that I should be submissive because that is what you believe, then I am within my rights to question your logic. And maybe tease you a little bit? I'm sure the submissives are making fun of us brazen hussies all the time, what with our opinions and questions and stuff.
Wait. Did I just call you or anyone reading this a brazen hussy? I was only speaking for myself. Apologies!
I can't speak rationally about this. It makes me too angry. I don't understand why any woman would willingly agree to this type of arrangement. Plus, in my marriage it wouldn't even be possible. My husband is not a good at pulling the trigger on things. If I waited for him to make decisions we would be living outdoors without food or clothing.
I love this! I read your site all the time and today I want to comment! It's great and you're great! I don't feel like commenting on the subject, but I wanted to write to tell you how much I enjoy your writing and your Momversation videos.
(The name should be changed to Momscuss.)
I don't think 'submissive' means what everyone assumes. Giving full control, making no decisions, having no sense of self. As a Christian woman/wife/mother myself, without a bazillion kids holy moly how did she even...anyway...I understand the 'submissive' pieces. I also make my own decisions, run this household like a tight ship, but I am not overrunning my husband in any sense. I think the important thing would be to get the corresponding pamphlet that says 'what wives need'...husbands get rules too under God :) Because of who they are and their show and the eleventymillion children, they're subjected to much more criticism than a not-giant not-on-tv family of their same faith would probably be. To me, being submissive doesn't necessary mean being mousy and letting him make every decision regardless of my feelings or needs. It's more about our teamwork.
I would have put this comment on momversation..but it only lets you comment as facebook, aol, yahoo, or hotmail....uh none thanks.
It seems to me that if I make submitting to my husband one of my values, I'm not doing him any favors. My personal experience is that if my husband and I make decisions together, and my input counts as much as his, then we both add to our personal evolutionary journeys. If I'm always submitting to him, he loses the benefit of my insight. The only opinion is not always the best opinion. I would agree (as would my husband, I'm sure), that his life would be better short-term if I submit to him. He would love it if I always agreed with him. But if I do that all the time, I'm doing him a huge disservice by robbing him of the opportunity to expand his consciousness (airy fairy, but the best way to say it). I would NEVER want him to submit to me, even if it meant we never argued or disagreed again.
What Louise said. My husband is indecisive. I am not. I present the options and we discuss the decision. If he's OK with it, we do it. If not, we come up with another solution. Because we're equal and care about each others opinion. It's this whole thing we do called living in this freaking millennium.
Men and women are separated by genitalia, not brains. God gave us all the ability to think for ourselves. Even if the idea of submission is not nearly as all inclusive as many of us think, the idea that a women is not equal in any relationship is antiquated and should always be challenged. Sheesh.
I agree 100%. But of course I am one of those uppity Wellesley feminist types... Any religion that not only encourages its male followers to subjugate women, but actually brainwashes women to think this is a good idea, is not okay with me. Grr.
+1 for "Momscuss"
I love what you said about if a religion subjugates half the population, it opens itself up to criticism! Yes! Also, if I submitted to my husband against my better judgment, then our family wouldn't benefit from my intelligence, education, and the vast wealth of knowledge I get from reading mommy blogs on the internet. So there.
I kind of understand the submission thing, to a point. I just don't think it falls along gender lines. Having a captain makes things run smoother. I have a boyfriend and ex husband who are both strong, capable men who make all kinds of decisions without me. I look to both of them for advice and input, but at the end of the day, I'm where the buck stops. I see it as my responsibility to look out for their (and our daughter's) best interests, and to make sure they are happy and validated. Because of that, they trust me to be the final decision maker on the big stuff. It has nothing to do with gender, it's just that I'm the most decisive, and willing to put the most time into research.
This was wonderful. And, as the mother of four (not even eleventybillion) there was a point when they were all very young where I begged my husband to make the decisions because I was too damn tired! He was not fond of that arrangement. But I think you hit the nail on the head with that one. She is just too tired to make any decisions.
Heidi, I am kind of at that same place now -- I would GLADLY wear a prairie dress for a year or two if somebody else would take over some of the work for a while.
I think the difference between me and Michelle Duggar, though, is that I know that this stage will PASS.
Sorry, but I just need to change the subject for a second and say that I love your hair! Looks fantastic.
Yeah. This is a doozy of a topic, isn't it? There is a definite "submissive" continuum within Christianity (and other religions).
Let me break it down for you (from my Christian, married-woman viewpoint): If husbands & wives focus on the things of the bible - love, grace, forgiveness, truth, kindness, self-control, humility - and seek to implement them in their marriages, I don't think the word "submit" ever has to come up.
Each couple needs to work out their own partnership, but if one person feels used, coerced, controlled, or worse, then something is wrong. Time to get help. God does not condone one-sided, dominating, terrorizing, dangerous behavior on the part of a husband (or wife)!
And for the record, I think I'm safe in promising that nowhere in the bible does God command husbands to choose their wives' hairstyles. Or jumpers. (But if Michelle & Jim Bob like it that way, well bless their denim-loving selves.)
(I hope this came off as the balanced and reasonable explanation that I intended it to be.)
oh, alice! you are funny. love this, you, all of it. bravo.
If you're still reading this and haven't been smitten. (Smited?), I'd like to add I also love your hair--good job, Alice's Husband! I loved the Momvervideo.
Thank you to the Christian commenters trying to provide thoughtful insight without judgement. You are smart and interesting. Faith is personal and I respect and admire those who use the principals of Christianity to live good lives. I get my back up when groups of people within a faith try to push specific recommendations onto the general population--or even within their own group.
Husband put in the hot rollers himself! (No he didn't.) (My hair is also kinda goofy right now.) (But thank you.)
I second the appreciation for all my thoughtful commenters. Especially you wacky Christians! Okay, full disclosure, I count myself among your numbers, even though "lapsed" would be a generous definition of my practice and/or faith.
I think this is my favorite Momversation video of all time.
Eh, they're married, what they do behind closed doors is their business. Who would've thought they were so kinky, though?
It's funny how Christians who based their belief system on the Bible meaning what it says try to say that it doesn't say submit. They try to sound it sound a bit more appealing by saying that if we are living according to Christ's principles (love, forgiveness, etc.) that there's no need to talk about submission. Except that's what it says. I'm just sayin...
Whoa...just saw my post above. Perhaps I should proof read first. I guess it's time for me to go to bed.
I agree with you 100%. Except I think this was more of a Momoluge than a Momversation.