Alice Bradley - Blog - Update on Operation Arggh, Will Ye Get to Sleep

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Sep242005

Update on Operation Arggh, Will Ye Get to Sleep

September 24, 2005

Your many excellent suggestions were deeply appreciated. Scott and I read each one, and realized how little we knew--like how many people drug their children into unconsciousness. Wow! That must be in style, these days! We laughed at several of your commiserating anecdotes (the highlight being M.C. whispering “Something’s wrong. Something’s wrong with my butt”). Anyway, as it turned out, the best way to get your kid to sleep is to write about his not-sleeping on the Internet.

Seriously, the day I posted this, he went to bed with nary a peep. I think he saw the determined glint in my eyes and the staple gun in my hand. (What was the staple gun for? I wasn’t saying.)

Actually, I gave him a little speech about how we were going to be cold and unfeeling and we weren’t going to give into his pint-sized demands anymore. He gave me the wet Bambi eyes and the quivering bottom lip and said, “But I’ll just be alone,” and then we discussed ways he could feel less alone, like leaving the door open or playing music (Music! And books on tape! Why didn’t I think of those!). He rejected all my ideas as “not good,” but then he went to sleep, so I didn’t care. And last night, even though he was sick with intestinal difficulties, some classical music (“classy music,” according to Henry) put him right to sleep. Although he did wake up several times in the night to announce, “I think I’m pooping.” And, poor boy, he was all too correct.

Reader Comments (27)

i too am surprised to learn that people drug their children to sleep. who knew such a thing was an option? who knew? i did not know. i would have thought it tended on the slightly not so good side of things but who am i? what do i know? i have been given same said advice from ppl on my blog as well and although i appreciate the suggestion i am afraid it will not cure the cause of my boy's sleeplessness and so i will not be undertaking any drugging.

glad henry slept. good boy henry. mommy is going to be far smilier if you keep this up.

September 24, 2005 |

honestyrain

Yay! Good for your family, I'm so happy for you all that Henry made such a good choice. I forgot to mention that one of the things that seemed to help our son, was leaving his bedroom door open at night. I then put up a child gate in the hallway, so that his choice was his room or ours. If he went to bed fine, but had trouble staying asleep, sometimes he will get up and come to our room where one of us scoops him up and puts him in bed with us. Which we absolutely encourage, because my husband and I both remember having terrible nightmares as kids, and want our boy to know that he is safe with us. And the thing that made his month long bedtime strike so odd, was that he had been a champion sleeper for 4+ years. He is again a champion sleeper, who tells us that he's tired by saying "Dow!" (Down) and waddling his adorbale diaper bottom off to bed. And on the drugging.....*sigh*. After a month of not enough sleep for anyone, we were willing to try only the most natural option we could find. Melatonin being a naturally ocurring substance in the body, seemed like the safest option. It really did help him get back into a decent sleep pattern.

September 24, 2005 |

Sonia

I think "something is wrong with my butt" and "I think I'm pooping" are my two new favorite sayings. I think these will make me VERY popular at bars!

September 24, 2005 |

poor fellow.

in my house that is called FPD.

fast poop disease

September 24, 2005 |

blackbird

You know, a little "classy" music always does wonders for me at bedtime. Glad he's sleeping and hope his tummy is better tonight!

September 24, 2005 |

buffi

Alice I miss you. Please come and live in my closet with a staple gun in your hand. Why? Please don't tell me.

September 24, 2005 |

MelissaS

dude, i always think i'm pooping. damn IBS. something is wrong with my butt.

September 24, 2005 |

jenB

I'm glad he slept. I was assuming that most of the people talking about drugging their kids were actually kidding or exaggerating. Was I wrong?

I am both frightened and amused by the image of you with the staple gun.

September 24, 2005 |

Poor jenB!!!

September 24, 2005 |

Undisclosed

My son too, is suffering the FPD. It's a scary time around here, but thank god he gets to the bathroom before we have to change sheets. I feel for you, I do.

September 25, 2005 |

JuJuBee

Awww, his poor bottom! We like to save the drugs for long car rides, like the 1,000 mile trip to Grandma's house.

September 25, 2005 |

warcrygirl

And that's how you know you're dealing with a child. The minute you get their behaviour figured out, they change it. God love the little critters...

I thought perhaps Mr. Staple Gun would be introduced to Mr. Pyjamas, who would then double date with Mr. Bed. Kidding, of course.

One of my friends was advised by her GP to give her kids anti-nausea (very sleep-inducing) meds at bedtime when they were small because it seemed the kids had some sort of demonic contract that had them waking all night in tandem so that my friend, who was a single mother, was never allowed any meaningful sleep EVER. I guess it was that, or meds and possibly hospitalization for the mom, who was on the verge of a breakdown from sleep deprivation. She finally had to resort to doing just that. The kids are teens now and it doesn't seem to have done them any harm. Then again, they're teens. Who could tell?

BTW - I LMAO at your description of watching Dean Martin shows in the previous post. Too, too funny.

September 25, 2005 |

Dawn

I loathe the day my champion sleeper decides to do this to me. I know he will someday. For now I must enjoy my peaceful evenings.

September 25, 2005 |

MainlineMom

See, that is why my dad is going to make millions with his idea: velcro pajamas and sheet system. The sheets are the fuzzy part and you make the pajamas with the hooks. Then you could literally stick your kid in bed, and they would have to stay there till morning. Genious.

September 25, 2005 |

meghann

I don't know, Meghann, my kid can operate his Velcro-strapped shoes with no problem...

September 25, 2005 |

alice

Um, mine would just take her pajamas off. She's Naked Girl as often as possible, anyway, and won't sleep in anything more than a pullup.

We're going through the same bed-transition thing here, and I don't like it one bit. There. I said it. Just don't tell my mother, who is horrified that Bella is almost 3 and still sleeping with us. (pssst...we like it.)

September 25, 2005 |

Belinda

You guys just need to think outside the box. Imagine industrial strength velcro. . .long sleeves and legs. . .and child spread eagle on their back. It just might work.

Although this idea is coming from my dad, who thinks that Steve Martin's idea, that the greatest practical joke ever would be to teach your children to talk wrong, is a wonderful one. ;-)

Our pesonal household bedtime tactic-whatever shuts them up the fastest.

September 26, 2005 |

meghann

velcro sounds like a good idea, but do you really want to hear that scrrrrrrrrrtch noise each time they wiggle around during the night? not to mention fire safety...

September 26, 2005 |

mathew

I'm glad the sleeping is better, hopefully so is the pooping.

I have heard of moms giving their children Benedryl to help them sleep,never a full dose, just enough to induce the drowsy.

September 26, 2005 |

Kat

LOL - in my house it's called the green apple splatters (I can hear all the internet going EEEEEEWWWW!)

September 26, 2005 |

skape7

so i had a genius thought the other day while at a mind numbing chuck e cheese party. wow that was fun by the way. highly recommend it. *note sarcasm please* anyway they had those suspended tubes where the kids climb in and get lost..and Lord only knows what's lying in there. So there is one part that looks like a black mesh cage..and i though, "Wow it'd be great to have one of those at the house" When the kids were annoying me or whatever I'd just stick their little tails in there and they'd be safe and out of my way. They could calm down (Hey i need my 9 seconds of sanity a day ya know) and then they'd be allowed out. Then i remembered they don't allow you to put your kids in cages anymore..oh well. it was a glorious thought for a fleeting moment. so i hope your sleep stays good. my kids sleep but for some reason i stay up and read stuff on the computer. i really should learn to instill a stricter bedtime for myself...

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Let's Panic: The Book!

Order your copy today!

Some Books
I'm In...

Sleep Is
For The Weak

The Best Creative
Non-Fiction, Vol. 2

Kirtsy Takes A Bow:
A Celebration...

Things I Learned
About My Dad

Cringe: Teenage Diaries, Notes...

Let's Panic

Update on Operation Arggh, Will Ye Get to Sleep

Reader Comments (27)

Post a New Comment

Link an External Response

Let's Panic: The Book!

Order your copy today!

Some Books I'm In...

Sleep IsFor The Weak

The Best CreativeNon-Fiction, Vol. 2

Kirtsy Takes A Bow:A Celebration...

Things I LearnedAbout My Dad

Cringe: Teenage Diaries, Notes...

Let's Panic

Update on Operation Arggh, Will Ye Get to Sleep

Reader Comments (27)

Post a New Comment

Link an External Response

Some Books
I'm In...

Sleep Is
For The Weak

The Best Creative
Non-Fiction, Vol. 2

Kirtsy Takes A Bow:
A Celebration...

Things I Learned
About My Dad