Topics I am considering writing about, or further proof that I am not as bright as I'd like to believe
April 29, 2011-the time I walked into a steam room holding a handful of Hershey's Kisses
-as an awkward and (needless to say) extremely white junior-high school student with a mouthful of braces, chose to perform a monologue spoken by "Mama" in "Raisin in the Sun"
-the time I sprayed red-pepper spray at a menacing stranger but lost my nerve and aimed for his ankles
-when I fully believed my summer-camp friend who told me she could get Paul McCartney and Wings and ELO to attend my Billy Joel musical
-the day I hit myself repeatedly in the foot with a hammer, for what I believed was medical reasons
-when I broke my tailbone because I slipped holding a cocktail and I didn't put my arms down because then I'd spill my drink
-when I (after a few drinks) told Gloria Steinem I loved her and her "whole feminist thing"
-a trillion even more idiotic things I have done while drunk, sleepy, panicked, or all three
If any of these sound especially intriguing to you, let me know, and I'll see what I can put together, for your amusement.
Reader Comments (51)
They all sound hilarious, but there's something about the pepper spray that resonates with me. I want to hear the whole thing!
Hammer, please.
now I feel better for telling you I have a vagina.
I'm usually the falling down klutz type and less the verbal vomit type, but at least I can always be counted on to act like a dork.
I want to hear about Gloria!
Would you consider somehow weaving hammer and pepper spray tales together into one stunning blog post?
I vote for: the whole Gloria Steinem feminist thing and hitting yourself with a hammer.
Please, please, please tell us about whatever induced the hammer incident. (Actually all of the rest would be fascinating to read about, also!)
Well, I've got to tell you.
Humor relieves tension.
I have panic/anxiety...and to have some funny posts about it, would do me good.
If I can't laugh about it, well, then I just stay all pent up and distraught about it.
SO, what did you do in the name of full blown panic???
Oh, yes please. Especially any and all drama awkwardness, the menacing stranger's ankles and Gloria Steinem (did you also mention "girl power!" and pump a fist in the air while wearing platform sneakers? I'd like to think so.)
Hammer foot! Hammer foot!
I'm quite curious as to what medical reason would constitute the need for a hammer. Do tell.
Also I'd like to hear about your broken tailbone. I once fell down a half of flight of stairs at a bar in a formal dress, and landed on my knees at the bottom of the stairs with both drinks upright and intact. It takes practice to get that good at falling and not spilling your drink.
All, please! Don't leave us hanging like that!
I would really like to hear about the hammer and the medical reasons. and would like to submit that once when I lived in a place with not enough cabinets, I melted a plastic colander in the oven because I forgot it was there when I turned the oven on. I mean melted like it was liquid, completely unrecognizable. The oven was never the same either.
Alice I think maybe we went to summer camp with the same girl. She convinced me that she was really the "other" Thompson Twin, only she was too young to perform so she just helped them write the music. It's funny what we will believe if the teller is confident enough (or at least more confident that us!)
Yes please.
Also, feel better.
Another vote for this one:
-when I (after a few drinks) told Gloria Steinem I loved her and her "whole feminist thing"
Hilarious!
Gloria! And the feminists!
Yes please!
Please tell us about Gloria Steinem and the love!
All of them, please. Did the pepper spray guy end up banging his ankle with a hammer? That would be ideal.
If you had put your arms down to brace your fall, you would not have only spilled your drink, but ALSO have broken at least one of your arms. Sometimes you have to sacrifice a tailbone.
Everything; all of it!
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