Today.

I’m so, so sad, and all I do is cry. I miss Brooklyn. I miss everything about it. I want my friends here. I miss my mom being able to come over for the afternoon and drive me nuts. I miss the noise. I miss sitting outside on my stoop with Henry when there was nothing to do and Henry calling out “Good evening, madam” at everyone who walked by. I miss walking across the street to buy my groceries and the store manager shouting “My friend!” when Henry came into his sight. I miss walking down the street for an iced coffee. I miss not feeling lonely and pathetic; I miss my life. I want this to get better, but I don’t know how. I don’t know how to make it any better. I just want to feel better.

Comments

[Carol]

Sorry to say that it took me a year to settle into my new life.

[clearlydistracted]

When we moved, it took me a while to realize that I needed to make myself happy. And then it took me another while to figure out how.

[Ally]

I can't imagine how lonely it must feel to you. I mean, it feels lonely to me, out it what you'd consider the 'burbs, but I'm not at home all day with only a shorty for company. Given what you're used to, I'm not surprised it feels miserable at the moment.

I bet your library or local bookstore has a weekday storytime - might be an opportunity to hook up with other SAHMs in your area.

[wix]

It just takes time. We left our 'old life' behind almost a year ago, and it was easily six months before we shook off the new-town funk.

[wix]

...not that we've shaken it off entirely. Sorry, itchy 'post' finger.

[Arabella]

Cookies! Cookies make everything better. And exploring fun new places in your new 'hood. Google up some fun!

[Alexa]

Oh my poor, dear Alice. I wish I lived nearer, because I would be happy to come over and drive you nuts or shout "My Friend!" whenever Henry came in sight. Don't they have iced coffee in New Jersey?I truly hope that things get better soon. Could some friends/your mother come for an extended visit, or would that just make things worse?

[Ayala]

I can't imagine how hard it must be. Is moving back to Brooklyn an option? Prices seem to be coming down...

[Jessie]

I'm sure it will take time for the new life to not feel so, um, new I guess. I really do hope that you find a way to be happy in your new home.

[Amy at Fannfare]

I have such fear about leaving our tiny infuriating house in our great, funky neighborhood for ANYwhere else. My heart goes out to you... We are starting small by spending just the summer somewhere else (DC to Colorado!) to see if I would experience the same. From the comments above it seems that it gets better. Keep typing through the hard stuff. XO Amy in DC

[mimi smartypants]

Oh, now I'm sad for you. I know all about having the store down the street and the noise and the stuff. And for some reason it makes me particularly sad that your mom can't just pop over and describe Henry as a "little Italian" any time she wants.

[schmutzie]

When I married the Fiery One, I moved to live with him in a city three hours from the one I had lived in for twenty-one years. I still miss it, but this place has become more and more mine, and the people here have sewn themselves into my life in a way I never believed they would. It will happen for you, Alice. It's just hard.

[blackbird]

Oh!I just want to de-lurk and give you a hug!New places are hard...it will take time to find the iced coffee and the park with friends and the best corner of the library, but you'll get there.

[Brooklyn Girl]

I'm sorry--that sucks. I'm harboring a crush on my friend's house in Jersey, and the thing that keeps my from falling in love utterly is worrying about the exact feelings you describe.

Hope you feel better soon.

[MelissaS]

Maybe you can join the MOMS Club. That worked out *great* for me.

Maybe I'll move to New Jersey instead. I don't want you to join the MOMS Club.

[jess]

Me too! And i'm really not much of a hugger.

I think everybody is right that it will probably get easier for you. That doesn't really help now. Can you drive into the city once a week to see friends and your mom?

What about henry's school (for next year) can you get involved there?

I know how hard it is. I feel for you.

[erinire]

i am sorry finslippy, and I have no good ideas for you. :( I hope you feel better!

[sweetney]

awww sweetness. i'm sorry you're going through this tough adjustment. maybe a weekend in the city with friends would help?

let me know if you need anything, always.

[the patriarch]

Cities offer up stimulus. In the suburbs, you have to make your own. Think about what you loved in Brooklyn, then think about how you can make those things, or things like them, happen in your new town.

[Meg]

We changed neighborhoods and lost the "walking distance" thing, but it's nothing like this. I'm so sorry.

[Anne]

If it's any comfort, I am very envious. I mean not that you're miserable but that you are near good schools, have a garden, can swing a cat indoors should you choose to do so, live near Tony Soprano...hope it's not all bad.

[wavybrains]

I moved from St. Louis to Oregon 3 years ago this summer. It's only been in the last year that I felt I truly loved it here--and I *wanted* to move here very badly. It takes a while to find "your people"

[Bethany]

I so sorry. I remember when I moved from my hometown to a city 2 hours away to be with my then boyfriend (now husband). I knew I wanted to be with him, but when my family left I cried and cried and cried and it took weeks to feel good about it.

All I can say is this: remember why you wanted to move and embrace those things right now. It'll come.

[Noelle]

My grandparents moved around a lot when my mom was little and my grandma always told them, "Give it a year. If you still really hate it in a year, we'll move back." It never failed that in a year, they felt more settled.

As someone who made a huge move 3 years ago, I feel your pain. It does get better. I promise. For now, hang on to that.

[Lisa H]

Go out, enroll your child in something, anything at all. Then accost the most real looking mom you can find and invite her out for a playdate (they like indoor fast food type places here, but it's 95 degrees outside). Seriously, after six months of feeling the way you do right now, this inviting-a-stranger thing worked out well for me.

(And then I joined MOPS, which made life even better, but I know it's not for everyone.)