Things you wouldn't think you'd have to tell someone, but you do, more than once.

"Open your eyes while you’re running, pal."

"Oh god, never touch anything in a room that smells this bad."

"I really don't enjoy it when you wipe your nose on my face."

"Please don’t eat things you find on your butt."

Add yours below.

Comments

[suburban_lush]

"Look with your eyes, not with your hands"

[Kim]

"Put your penis back in your pants and eat your ketchup covered food. NOW." (said to Jack, age 3)

[donna]

This is all toooo funny. I'm cracking up!My most popular lines to my 1 yr old son:

noI said noMommy said no no no no!!!

You are not throwing the food on the floormommy told you no!

Get your hands out of thereyou can play with that on your own time!

[ruby]

To my (darling) three and a half year old boy:



"NO, i don't want to see your poop, i'm happy that it looks like the letter "S" or the letter "L" or whatever but i don't need to see it"

"you cannot see germs they are just there so wash your hands"

"you cannot see sugarbugs they are just there so brush your teeth!"

"no pickin chicken" when he's picking his nose!

[Buffy Holt]

Sometimes monkeys die.

[sarah]

To my almost two-year-old daughter at the playground: "It's OKAY to get a little dirt on your hands."

To the same kid: "If you want to put Mummy's undies on your head, please use clean ones."

[michele]

"I said, STOP KILLING YOUR BROTHER.""Stop makeing your penis big - yes honey it's great but stop.""Get your head out of my shirt.""STOP STEALING THE TOOTHBRUSHES.""Why is the floor wet? You have no juice.""Can't you just keep your pants on? Please?" - meant literally, not figuratively.

[Trina]

Okay, this one has to be unique, and I only remember it because I blogged it:

"Leave the cat alone. It's not nice to force him to be your sidekick."

[Kara]

get the cat's tail out of your nose.

[Bitka]

"Please don't touch other people's garbage."

Said about ten minutes ago, to my 13 year old (!), who decided that the discarded sink from a house that had been condemned was just too hard to resist while on our nightly walk.

[Erin]

From working with kindergarten and first graders through student teaching and working at summer camps:

"Your nose needs to be gushing blood before you can go to the nurse.""Get your hands out of your pants" (I feel like I say that constantly)

To a little then 3-year-old boy I babysit for:"Your penis isn't broken. You just don't have to use the potty right now. Let's have some juice and try again later."

[Lisa]

"Please get out of the dishwasher!"

[Ian Kennedy]

Daddy is *not* a jungle gym.

[Angela]

"Keep your mouth off the toilet."

I swear to gawd.

[Matt]

To my usually lovely 3yo son...

"Please eat the cookie if you're going to eat it." (do I really have to encourage a child to eat a COOKIE?)

Overheard in the bathroom with Mom, "No, honestly, Mommy doesn't have a penis." (he just wouldn't believe her)

"No, you cannot have candy for breakfast."

"No need to cry over spilled milk." A cliche, I know, but frequent.

And more of a I-don't-think-I've-ever-put-those-words-in-one-sentence kinda thing... "Guinea Pigs are nice to their bulldozers!" (if you can't figure that out, your child isn't obsessed with the Wonder Pets.)

[shelley]

Okay, I may be outed as a freak here, but why shouldn't the kids kiss the dog on the butt or tail? I don't mean on the "pucker" - heh - 'cause that's poopy, but why is the fur on the hind end and tail any worse than the mouth that has been who-knows-where?

And I kiss my kitty's hind end all the time. It's just so cute.

[alice]

Hmm, well. Besides the fact that it's near where the poop lives, and also the dog sits on it and god knows what that dog sits on, some dogs are sensitive about the hind quarters and can snap at someone who gets, you know, kissy. Plus they don't like being surprised, and what's more surprising than being kissed on the ass when you least expect it?

[Marcia Adair]

I don't have kids so I don't have much to contribute here but I did laugh and laugh and laugh whilst reading all the comments. Thanks guys.

[Alicia]

So entertaining.....is this what all of us non-mothers are missing out on??? My brain is saying no kids, no kids, no kids.....but these damn ovaries are saying yes, yes, yes to all the licking, picking and various other activities that seem to be at the top of the list!

Damn biological clock!

[Sandy]

Twins are extra fun:

"Your sister is not a chair."

"Let go of the dog's tail."

"No, you can't play with your brother's penis. I know you don't have one, but you still can't play with his."

"Don't eat the dogfood!"

"Stop hitting yourself in the head with your book."

"Get your face out of your brother's butt." (naked in the bathtub, no less!)

"Stop chewing on the dog's bone."

[Stephanie]

(to son)Don't put your hand down your diaper and play with your poop.

(to husband)Well that'll teach you to fall asleep while babysitting.

The son put poop in the husbands open mouth when he fell asleep.

[Paula]

"Which one of you boys did it again? For the love of Gawd, can't you hold it for five minutes?!"

"No, we do not lick our food off our plates like a dog - USE THE DAMN FORK!!"

[Katherine]

No, thank you. Mommy can wipe herself.

[jennfurr]

Three year old twins here...

-Stop licking the cat!

-Please don't stand on your sister's face

-No, you cannot have chocolate for breakfast

-STOP LICKING MY LEG!

[denise]

stop drinking the butt water!! (I thought calling it butt water instead of bath water might help...it didnt.)

do not dump a whole bottle of shampoo into the bath tub!!

stop splashing...stop splashing!!...STOP SPLASHING DAMN IT!!!