The light at the end of the Crazy Tunnel.

I’m now on 20 granules of Effexor. That’s 7.5 mg—one-fifth of the eensy “starter dosage” I had been on for a year. I mean, I’m guessing it’s 7.5; each globulette is a different size, so for all I know I’m hitting my poor brain with a new dosage each day. Nonetheless, I forge ahead, carefully counting out the bouncy little drug-nubbins as they scatter hither and yon. I pretend I’m a scientist!

I’m feeling vaguely achy and nauseated, but I can live with it. The real problem right now is that I am as emotionally fragile as I have ever been in my life, and that’s saying a lot. On a good day, I’m overly sensitive. Me, I cry a lot. I’ve cried everywhere you really don’t want to cry; at dinner parties, in front of my boss. On a first date. What can I say! I’m a crier!

But these past few days—yeeuuulff. Whatever lightweight emotional armor I ever had has now been sloughed off. I’m crying at commercials. I sobbed watching VH-1’s “I Love the ‘80s.” I choked up when Henry cried because he couldn’t find his good Stormtrooper. I wept at about 30 different comments uttered by my baffled husband. My face is all puffy.

I’m not feeling sad, really. It’s more like I have these tiny buckets right behind my eyes, and they’re perched on two rickety stools, and there’s an even tinier, grumpy gnome storming around the stools, occasionally kicking them and sloshing some water out through my eyes all over my face.

So: I may be weepy, but I’m still capable of inventing a breathtaking analogy. Art triumphs over despair yet again. Huzzah!

Comments

[Nothing But Bonfires]

I cried all the way through last week's "The Apprentice: Martha Stewart." And on a post-it next to my computer, I have Martha's maxim: "Women in business don't cry, my dear."

As if it does any good--I'm still crying in the bathrooms because I suddenly remembered that commercial where the dad slips a note under his daughter's door after she's moved into her first apartment. Oh god, you'll have to excuse me....

[JuJuBee]

Here's to hoping that your rickety stools are replaced soon by steel...uhm...boxes? Yeah. Steel boxes. That's it. Christ, I need more coffee.

[JuJuBee]

Here's to hoping that your rickety stools are replaced soon by steel...uhm...boxes? Yeah. Steel boxes. That's it. Christ, I need more coffee.

[Alexa]

So...are you saying it's wrong to cry during VH1's "I Love The 80's?" Because I started tearing up the other day when they mentioned "Fashion Plates."And as for the ads--go for it, my dear. I hope you make Sloppy Buckets of money.

[Sarcomical]

wow, i hope you do feel better soon - well, at least that you find the tears come a little less often anyway. everything has to be a stupid tedious process, doesn't it? ;)

...i think you should name him Boris.

[Birch]

Oh, hell. Cry ON, girlfriend. Weepers of the world unite. Be proud, crybabies. By refusing to be embarrassed by our snotty noses and reddened eyes, we could CHANGE the WORLD. Make being a woman more...acceptable. Being an ACTUAL woman. The kind that cries all the damn time.

[schmutzie]

Tears are one of the only ways to get rid of the hormones that are released when you are stressed, so crying can have great side effects like a healthier heart and a lower risk of cancer. In a way, it's kind of like peeing from your eyes when you think of it.

[sweetney]

i never responded email-wise on this topic (because i'm email-challenged, plus, you know, THE PESTILENCE), but i've been meaning to tell you that i accidentally skipped a dose of said medication recently and felt like the crazy elves had hijacked my brain. i spent the entire day weeping, alienating friends, and cataloging each offending aspect of My Horrible Life (and/or My Horrible Self). it was SWEET.

though your withdrawl has been a much slower one, i am still humbled before you; a stronger woman than i.

[sweetney]

ps: the new pic above your 'about' link is FREAKING ADORABLE.

[Sami]

I'm a total crier too. I cry at commercials, when the kids do something sweet or cute, during my daughter's pep rally, and any and all the freakin' time, especially at work. Now Christmas is coming, and that's just one big weepfest after another.

I've taught myself a trick to help stop getting all verklempt in public. When I feel the sting of tears beginning, I think about a recipe. I go through the recipe ingredient by ingredient and imagine myself adding it to the dish. The thought of doing something so mundane helps me get off the cry wagon. Some days I mentally make my mom's spaghetti over and over and over, but at least I don't make a scene or get too blotchy. :)

[Tanya]

You know that Hallmark commercial with the Dad that walks through the hills in twilight to cut down a Christmas tree, and when he finds the tree he stops to read the card from his daughter who couldn't make it for the big event? That one kills me, although I also cry at the Folger's commercial where the boy comes home from college on Christmas morning, and that one is blatently cheesy. It's going to be a rough season...

[KG]

Kicking the meds is not easy. I have found a natural "remedy" that works well for me and my emotional swings. It's called Bach Rescue Remedy and you can get it at natural food stores. I got mine a Whole Foods in the supplement section. It is great for stress and sleep too! Hang in there.

[Sonia]

Julie!I am starting to feel like myself again. After 9 weeks from starting the taper. I've been completely off for about 4 weeks. It has been awful!! But the last 2 weeks, the weepiness has gotten better. It's still there, but now I cry randomly about 4 times a day, instead of every 15 minutes. No exaggeration there, it was that bad.

[Sonia]

I forgot to mention that I'm cry-ish anyway. The taper and subsequent cold turkeying of the Effexor only made it more obvious. Two weeks ago, I sobbed uncontrollably through Grey's Anatomy. The woman with the pole through her from the train wreck......snot bubbling, snarfing, throat spasm crying over that. Normally, I would just tear up and spill over a tiny bit.

[alice]

KG, I love that Rescue Remedy. I'm not sure if it's the flower essence or the sky-high alcohol content, but either way, it works.

[Mrs. Kennedy]

The Poseidon Adventure is on right now and I hope you're not watching it.

[MFA Mama]

Ugh. I almost never cry, but when I do it is NOT pretty. Rescue Remedy...mmm...I'd like a shot glass of the stuff about now. At least Henry's birthday is out of the way and you've got a while to recover before the holidays (although the Hallmark ads are starting to kick it into high gear).

[Mary Ann Finnerty]

I was in Safeway the other day and almost wept openly for all the poor people just trying to buy food to feed themselves, even though they'd just have to do it again the next day...Then I realized what I was going to cry about and laughed while the tears ran down my face. Unfortunately, I'm not even coming off a drug. My hormones are just doing their own thing... At least when you're weaned from the drugs it'll be over! Hang in there, 'cause I just love your site and your stories about Henry.

[Magrak]

Why is the name of your blog Finslippy? I have wondered for a long time. I would like to go back and read all the early postings -- I am sure it is explained somewhere -- and maybe I will take the time to do so when my toddler twins are 30 and have their own apartments, ha ha. In the meantime, can you please just tell me? Please please?

[honestyrain]

that really was a rather delicious analogy.

[alice]

Magrak--I will never tell. NEVER.

[NeoCleo]

I couldn't stay on the stuff long enough to develop the need for slow withdrawal. Three weeks into my daily dosage I started having "unpleasant side-effects" such as somatic halucinations. My favorite was having the feeling of insects crawling over my legs during a looonnnggg meeting at work. I stopped the next day, never mind the brain spazzes!

My best wishes for you while you endure the weening period.

[Psycho Kitty]

But sweetie? EVERYbody cries at "I Love the 80s".You cry the good cry, and hang in there. You can do it!

[BotanicalGirl]

I am down to ten Effexor granules and my stupid gnome is kicking his bucket all the time. Argh. I wish HE would kick the bucket. Heh. I almost cried at work today because I was clumsy and ran into the edge of a door. Because I felt stupid. Gah.

Good luck, and keep a travel pack of Kleenex with you.

[DM]

Okay, I'm late to the crying party but I have to say the person who said "Does he look like an Excaliber or a Frank to you?" is hilarious. Well, you all are but I'm kind of crying over the thought of all of you crying.

I have always been a cryer (crap, I mean crier because I am not related to Jon at all). Always. Cat food commercials. Long Distance Commercials. Folgers commercials (stupid kid coming home from college).

And previews. Oh my God. You know that stupid movie Dreamer? No desire to see it. None. But I actually sobbed through the preview. Why? No clue. But previews about horses make me cry. I don't even really like horses that much!

And my friends laugh at me when I try to explain why I cried all the way through the last half of "Troy" because I don't like it when people die. Yeah. It's a movie about war. Brilliant.

So, as you can see, I won't be going off the Effexor, oh, ever.