Swiftly fly the years, and shit.

I am outraged.

I just returned from a marathon of emotional manipulation the likes of which I have not experienced since that fucking E.T. almost died but then (spoiler alert!) didn't die and returned to his alien peoples. And I am outraged! I said that already.

Picture, if you will, twenty rosy-cheeked preschoolers wearing paper mortarboards, solemnly processing to a taped version of "Pomp and Circumstance." Then those same preschoolers singing a cappella songs about growing up and learning their numbers. Then those SAME damn kids, some of them waving to their parents, getting their preschool diplomas. And wait a minute, one of them is your son! And he's standing incredibly still so as to keep the mortarboard on his head, and he's gazing at his diploma with obvious satisfaction and pride! And his teachers are crying! DAMN THEM ALL TO HELL. I was there to take pictures and congratulate my son, not frantically blink back tears while scouring my purse for a used Kleenex. My stomach still hurts from holding in the sobs. Dicks! All of them!

And it's not even like he's really graduating from preschool—he still has another year of preschool because some genius decided to be born six days after the cut-off date. But still, DAMN IT, it was adorable.

While you're here, I've got a Wonderland post from this week for you to read, and also from last week. Please note that the URL for Wonderland has changed. There are some exciting new changes over at Alphamom, including new Baby Name Finder and Product Ratings sections. Change is good, unless it arrives in the form of your child graduating and his school faculty and administration creating an event designed solely to make you sing "Sunrise, Sunset" to yourself and leave mascara puddles on your husband's button-down.

Comments

[Kelly]

Oh my young Padawan, just you wait. What you experienced today was bad, very bad. But just you wait. Wait until he stands up on the stage with his pigeon toes and croons his first solo in the school musical. OR stands there accepting his high honor roll certificate while trying to play it cool. Oh Christ, pass the tissues.

[HBeth]

I'm so glad I wasn't the only one that had a meltdown during E.T. We rented the video when I was little and my mom had to literally hold me down and make me finish watching the movie. I wanted to get up and leave. Screw this movie if E.T. dies. I guess there's some moral in that story but it's Friday at 4:30PM so who cares...

[Gaby]

Congratulations! And just look at it this way, you can start practicing for next year since your son decided to start life out being stubborn. I remember when my baby (well he's 14 now) graduated from preschool. It was so sweet. Enjoy these moments and I'll be there spiritually to throw daggers at those faculty members :)

[Jen]

I'm feeling a little ripped off that my son's pre-school never had a graduation. I'm a sucker for that kind of stuff.

[Nancy King]

Just wait until you go to the last high school band concert of the year and the Seniors take it over doing wonderful funny and touching things to say good-bye, and your son isn't even a senior he's a god damn Freshman and that means it's going to get alot worse before it get's better.

[Karen]

I highly recommend NOT coming to my site and watching the Boats and Birds video. If you do, please don't punch me in the face next month. Hugs to ya, Mama.

[Melanie]

I was really brave at this year's preschool graduation (our second), but I think that faced with what you had to deal with I'd have cried, too. We just had a party with crafts and yogurt. There was some singing, but it was about squished-up bumblebees being licked off of hands. There were no hats or diplomas. I think next year at kindergarten, though, even if it's just the last day of school with no pomp, I am going to Lose My Shit. Because after kindy comes FIRST GRADE, and then you have a child who is pretty much a grown-up.

[shy me]

awwwwwww!

[Megs]

Swiftly fly the years, and shit has got to be the funniest title ever.And, you're right, E.T. was just devestating. My mom had to take me out of the theater because I was sobbing so hard.

[dana]

oh sweet lord i just did the same thing this week. my 5 year old son just graduated kindergarten and he's a 'special' child. not special needs 'special'...just stubborn as all hell 'special'...spirited if you will. he's the only one in class who will just refuse to do his artwork in class because he just doesn't feel like it. he's the one who will refuse to write in his journal during class because he'd rather do it at home he tells his teacher. he also has always been the only kid in class to refuse to sing 'rise and shine' in class EVERY DAY. at the preschool program last year he stood up with the group and wouldn't do anything but look at the floor, and occassionally scowl at me for making him join the class. during summer camp last year he wouldn't even stand with the group...flat. out. refused. THIS week though, at the kindergarten graduation...he did almost all of the hand motions....and sang about 10 words total out of 10 songs. yes everyone there noticed the boy who wasn't singing and stood more still than the others, and never smiled...but i noticed him TRYING to come out of his little shell. i cried like an idiot. because he's mine and he tried! :)

[Meegan]

So sweet.My daughter was also born six days after the cut-off (and eleven days after her due date, the stinker!). I'm struggling with the idea that she's going to be the oldest in her class. Have you ever done a post on this? Do you worry about that? Just curious...

[Pete Dunn]

I recently attended a pre-school "graduation" relocated in a Mormon church house. Same story, but with a prayer.

http://fiddley.com/archive/200705/i_will_suffer_my_bowels_to_be_taken_out

Enjoy!

[Liz]

It doesn't get any easier. I bawled through my daughter's high school graduation last week, just like I did her pre-school, elementary school and middle school ceremonies.

[Anne Prince]

Oh Alice.....I will be like that next Thursday when my 18yr old baby (and firstborn) graduates from HS.

And yes, I cried at the kindergarten, elementary & middle school ones as well, but this one will be worse - I can tell already!!!

[Angel]

Awwwww!

My moment of extreme weepiness came this year when I had planned for some time to go see my daughter (12) compete in the school geography bee. The day of, I was *so* sick and stayed home.

She came in first place. When I saw her medal, I bawled and bawled. I've never missed anything, and the day I do, she goes and kicks butt.

I managed not to cry the last day of school for my preschool son. A freakin' miracle.

[Jackie Blue]

I think pre-school and kindergarten graduations are ridiculous. Back in the Stone Age, when I was a kid, my first graduation was from elementary school, 6th grade, and even then, I thought that was pushing it. To me, a graduation signifies an accomplishment of sorts (years of work, study, sacrifices, etc.) Hardly something a pre-schooler has experienced.

[whymommy]

Oh, it does sound adorable! Enjoy it!

[Jackie Blue]

Geez, it's not as if he graduated from med school! Crikey!

[alice]

It's completely ridiculous, but what, are you going to tell a preschooler that? Those tiny jerks just won't listen to reason.

[Gina]

Ah, I did that a couple weeks ago except had two days in a row of it....one graduating from K and one graduating from elementary. The older son's class sang a song, something along the lines of "remember me how I am now". I was exhausted by the end of the 2nd one!

[Mom101]

I was doing fine until you brought up Sunrise Sunset. Argh.

[steph]

Oh my god I feel your pain... I recently had to endure similar biting back of tears and such as my own little baby graduated from preschool. My verklemptitude was especially ridiculous since she's got to go there all summer now before actual kindergarten starts. What is it that makes us collapse in a sobbing heap to see our children in these caps and gowns? (In other news, the tears were punctuated with complete hilarity. Preschool shows are always crazy cute.)

[jennyonthespot]

I suppose I'm becoming a hardened bitch... my 2nd kid just graduated in a similar scenario (but really graduated) and I felt nothing... I was just glad to get through the last event of the weekend so I could go home and nap. I cried at my oldest son's graduation... Maybe when my youngest graduates from preschool.... maybe, maybe the callouses will have been filed down by then:)

[candy]

i feel jipped or gipped or gyped (however you spell it). i only got to graduate from high school & college. no preschool for me (maybe that's one reason i can't spell that word up there). i was jealous when my cousins who went to catholic school got 8th grade graduation.

do preschoolers even have a sense of accomplishment & feeling of finishing something that a graduation is meant to symbolize? probably not but it is damn cute.

[Debl]

Dude, I cry when it's just kids I'm totally unrelated to (but that I know in person; I'm not that far gone) getting up on stage. Instant tears. Where does it come from??