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Let's Panic: The Book!

Order your copy today!

How to Endure and Possibly Triumph Over the Adorable Tyrant
who Will Ruin Your Body, Destroy Your Life, Liquefy Your Brain,
and Finally Turn You
into a Worthwhile
Human Being.

Written by Alice Bradley and Eden Kennedy

Some Books
I'm In...

Sleep Is
For The Weak

Chicago Review Press

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Let's Panic

The site that inspired the book!

At LET'S PANIC ABOUT BABIES, Eden Kennedy and I share our hard-won wisdom and tell you exactly what to think and feel and do, whether you're about to have a baby or already did and don't know what to do with it.

Lets-Panic.com → 

« Anniversary weekend! | Main | Post partum »
Friday
Jun042010

Sunrise, Sunset

"One minute kids are asking for a ball and the next for a mobile phone. Kids grow up too fast and so do their requests!"

--Email pitch I just received

Henry: Mom, where's my ball?

Me: I think it's in the--

Henry: Wait! Wait a goddamn minute!

Me: Excuse me?

Henry: I need a fucking phone, is what!

Me: I really don't think that kind of language is--

Henry: Not just any phone, either. I need one of those smartphones so I can start texting!

Me: Who are you going to be--

Henry: No, SEXTING!

Me: Do you even know what--

Henry: On second thought, that seems awfully immature.

Me: Well, I'm glad you--

Henry: What I really need is a car.

Me: Would you please stop interr--

Henry: Nothing flashy. Something sensible, with good mileage. Plus room for the kids.

Me: Wait, what kids are you--

Henry: Goddamn it, Mom, sorry, I'm getting a call. Hold on. Sorry.

Me: That's not a phone. You're just holding your hand to your--

Henry [into his hand]: CHRIST, I forgot about that conference call. I'll be right in. I said I forgot! Don't put so much on my plate, if you don't want me to--okay. No, it's okay. I'll be right in.

Me: Where do you think you're--

Henry: Mom, I'm sorry, I have to run. Before I go, do you have a retirement plan anywhere around here?

Me: Again, if you'd just stop interrupt--

Henry: It's all right, never mind, I'll get one myself. If you have some extra Lipitor lying around, though, I'd take that.

Me: I don't think--

Henry: Kisses, Mom. Best to Dad. See you at the next whatever.

[He leaves.]

Me: Wait! I found your ball!

Reader Comments (39)

Nice. Real Nice. They do grow up too fast though.
Nice. Real Nice. They do grow up too fast though.
So stinking funny.
June 4, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMissy
that's so fantastic i may have a bit of a crush on you right now.
June 4, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterbeyond
First I almost peed myself when you got to the Lipitor.

Second, this is why my 10 y/o son DOESN'T have a cell phone even though "everyotherkidintheworlddoesmooommm"

He can grow up on my terms not the terms of some advertiser.
June 4, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSteph
A classic. Double snortworthy.

Quick. Do a post based on a pitch for the Polly-Pocket-Disappearing-Machine. There is one...RIGHT?
You DO know how funny that was, right?

I mean, you must've been cackling up a storm while you wrote that up.

I loved it.
June 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAlexandra
Eek! I was kidding. I got the joke! I'm not a weirdo! why are all these flies buzzing around me? Is everyone looking at me?!
June 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMarinka
This is great! Thanks :)
June 7, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJennie
OK, TWO people beat me to "Cat's in the Cradle". Dammit.

God, woman, you are hilarious. I may send this to my friend whose son just turned six. She needs to know what's coming.
June 7, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterdie Frau
Uh... LOL... Wow. ROFL
June 10, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterPetula
If you want to find all possible PDF online, I recommend use pdf search engine ( http://www.pdfspirit.com/vestimenta-de-1810 ).

August 4, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBrogan

Hat irgendjemand ne Ahnung wie stark das verallgemeinerbar ist?

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June 16, 2011 | Unregistered Commenteraerodaarolf

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