Spinning wheel, got to go ‘round.

As the Child hurtles past the 2 1/2 mark and careens toward 3, his mood swings have begun to last for days, if not weeks. So: we’ll have a marathon of intense horribleness, followed by a leisurely stretch of unbridled lovability. It also seems that, the more horrible he is, the more lovable he’ll be later, and vice versa. (Of course, if this were strictly true he’d be escalating in every cycle toward a state of almost inhuman badness or goodness, so I guess it’s not strictly true, but whatever, I’m not a scientist.)

You’d think this could mean that I could ride out the bad period, because I’d know it would soon come to an end. Like during the last Black Period, when we were at the bookstore and, for no reason I could see, he threw a book at my face and screamed one of his charming nonsense words that sounded exactly like “Bitch!” (To all the shocked caregivers surrounding me, some of whom gasped and clutched their bosoms: he wasn’t saying “Bitch,” okay? I mean, if he was going to repeat the cursing he hears in our house, he’d call me an asswipe or a douche. You know! All sophisticated-like!) Or at the playground, when he collapsed into a frothing, shrieking mess because it was time to go home, and I had to haul all 40 pounds of him into the stroller and somehow buckle him in and he kept kicking me in the teeth. You’d think I could laugh these episodes off! Ha, ha! Kids!

Nope, pretty much I can’t.

But now! Oh my god, the sweetness, the cuddling, it's almost too much. Unbidden, he will request a kiss and/or hug. He will come up with statements like “You're my best pal” and “Your hair is cute” (I swear I’m not making this up) or “I’m enjoying this wonderful day with you, Mommy.” During walks he’ll ask me the names of different flowers and then expound upon the wonders of that particular flower. This child, according to him, has an infatuation with tulips that borders on the inappropriate. He is hot for tulips. Today, as I ate my lunch, he stood next to me watching, a huge smile on his face, and as I ate the last bite of my sandwich he said, “That was your last piece!” and I agreed and he said, “And now the Last Piece Monster is coming to kiss you!” and he started kissing my arm.

The Last Piece Monster. Can you stand it?

He’s been this way for a while. It could all change at any minute. No storm clouds will herald the darkening of the Child’s mood. He could go down for his nap with a smile, and then wake up to announce that I am in a world of shit.

He’s napping now.

I’m afraid.

Comments

[Newbie Blogger]

Some how they always keep us coming back for more. They're smarter than we think and they can sense when we are about to go past the brink of crazy. But they must take us to that edge regardless. Gotta love 'em!

[e]

Being the parent of one of these on-again/off-again little boys...I've come to believe that the periods of manic love are my gift for putting up with the head-spinning, out-of-control craziness that is soon to follow again. I love him and wouldn't change him for anything, but it is definitely not an easy relationship! He's 6 now and I dread the teenage years already! I'm scared!

[Mathew]

There's only one reasonable solution to your child's moodswings: he's possessed.

Are you catholic? You'd better hope so and call yourself a priest. Father Karras is still practicing I think. Check your local phone book!

BTW: don't give him any pea soup.

[Sheryl]

I am so tired of my 2 1/2 yr old son SCREAAAMING at me. I swear I'm starting to fantasize about breaking a bottle over his head and rumbling like the Jets and the Sharks.

[emjaybee]

Last Piece Monster? The cute. It is killing me.

In a way, they're kind of like abusive boyfriends, aren't they? One day they smack you...the next day it's flowers and chocolate and "Oh baby, I love you so much." Except, you know, they can't help it.

I do better when I think of them as little robots that have suddenly received the wrong set of instructions, which make them freak the fuck out. Eventually, their little brains get better at not freaking out. Eventually.

[Ninotchka]

Once again, you have nailed it. You just described my (almost) 3 year old. When she approaches me, even if to give me a hug, I swear 9 times out of 10 I flinch. You just never know with her.

I'm afraid a lot of the time too. SOMEBODY HOLD ME.

ha ha ha ha ha

[Em]

Kids come up with the funniest things, don't they. My best friends kid once said to her (I think he was 3) "Mom, that is a BEOOOOOTIFUL necklace you're wearing!" We think he might be gay, and if he is we are TOTALLY marching with him in a parade!

[lis]

i think i just peed my pants. that was a wholesome chortle you gave me just now, alice.

[Bente]

Very cute and funny. My daughter is only 17 months, but I too live in fear of what nap time will bring.

[Brooklyn Mama]

Oh, man. Yes. Exactly.

[Wende]

Oh man... I can so relate. Our son is now 8 and we've moved into sarcasm. However, when he was three and would go down for a nap I would always wonder, "Will the good kid wake up or the evil kid." We used to tell him, "Please go into your bedroom and find the other kid." Perhaps that's how he learned the sarcasm. :)

[cagey]

At the risk of a Drive-by A$$vicing here:No kids yet in the Rancid Household til Octoberish, but I have enjoyed watching the insanity that is my Nephew - I guess it is more entertaining when it is in someone ELSE'S house. I think his 3rd year was more trying for my sister than his 2nd. When he turned 3, he really started playing the head games and the difference was that HE KNEW he was playing head games. My sister uses a very loose form of Love and Logic - judging from her experience, I will be going that route if possible. The Nephew is creeping up on 4 years and he is SUCH A NICE KID NOW. I'm sold on that Love and Logic $hit for sure!

[Theresa]

Are you sure your son and my daughter weren't separated at birth? I, too, never know what I am in for when she's get up from her nap. It's like living with Sybil. Of course, my daughter is usually constipated when she becomes demon child so I guess I should cut her some slack. A good poop makes everyone feel better.

[Lissy]

Oh thank the Lord, I'm not alone! There are some days when you it's so bad you don't think anyone else has ever been there, and then you check on Finslippy!

[lizpenn]

O wondrous Finslippy. your description of the Good Henry made my day. Write on!

[Lisa V]

Yes I have a three year old boy. Meds, that's the answer of the experienced mom. For him and you. Make yours with a twist.

[Paul]

Ya, I get mood swings like that too, but the doctor says its more likely the codeine shots I take every morning with half a bottle of ether, than anything else.

Last Sunday Henry, Henry and I were chillin', and I got to see exactly what you mean. He hit me in the face with a toy train and then went, "Choo! Choo! I love youuu!"

[chasmyn]

Oh my Goddess, the life I have to look forward to. Am I insane that I REALLY AM looking forward to it?

[clickmom]

When dear Hanry is having a good period be sure to tell him how much you are enjoying him. When he is not having a good period don't say anything more than you have to. Never miss the chance to make an example of other children, when you see a tantruming child say "Wow, he must be very unhappy about_____. He needs to tell his Mommy with words and not by crying." Keep doing it and soon, Henry will have more and more sweet times.

I should know, my kids are perfect.Good Luck.

[lulu'smom]

Be afraid.... very afraid.

[Dreadmouse]

Ms. Dreadmouse & I are in the process of placing an order with the baby factory. Stories like these fill me with fear... are we nuts?

[landismom]

I think I'm going to make a t-shirt that says, "Don't mind my children, they just need reprogramming."

[stewbie2]

I hate to be the bearer of bad tidings, but "3" doesn't improve. It makes it worse, if that's at all possible. I have a 3.5 year old daughter, who, on good days, is only "partially possessed," and on bad days, let's everyone within a 3-block radius know that she is the spawn of Satan. Do you remember the sweet little boy from "Pet Semetary"? Yeah...remember how when he died and came back, he was all, "I love you, mommy. I want to hug you, mommy." He stabbed his mom. And he was still cute. That scares me.

[Stacia]

My daughter's almost 7. The Evil-to-Angelic-and-Back-Again thing hasn't abated...and I'm constantly told, "Just wait 'till she's a teenager." My current plan is that one of us is moving out of the house when she turns 14. I have a feeling that my life then is going to be a script from those nuclear-teenager segments from the old Animaniacs show.

[working mom]

You describe it so perfectly. I love you finslippy!

Note that the bad behavior is done for all to see, but they NEVER do the heartbreaking cuteness in public.Attention non-parent glaring at my son's bad behavior: He IS cute, just never in front of you!