Someone's been watching The Ten Commandments.

Henry's in a pro-Dad, neutral-on-Mom phase, and I am utterly, completely okay with that. "Only Dad plays right," he tells me, putting a comforting hand on my shoulder. "Oh," I say, and try to look bereft. So I can't sit on the ground and play with guys for hours, is that what you're telling me, son? I have to sit here and read a book or talk on the phone or just NOT PLAY LEGOS while Scott gets all the quality time? I will somehow choke down my disappointment. Somehow.

Scott even won the religion wars. I didn't know we were fighting them, but Henry began and ended the conflict in one devastating blow. Henry and I were talking about his half-Jewish, half-Catholic status, and he asked me, "which one is Dad?" "Jewish," I said, and that was all Henry had to hear. "Then I'm Jewish, too." He kissed me on the cheek. "I love you, but I'm Jewish."

I called the Pope, and we had a good cry over it.

When Scott got home, I told him about our discussion. "What did you decide, Henry?" I prompted.

"That I am a Hebrew," he said, "like my father."

Then Scott muttered something like the metal is ready for the Maker's hand, and they demanded that I set them free, to build their glorious Lego temples to the God of Abraham. Of course I allowed it, for I am a just and benevolent ruler. So it is written, and so it shall be done.

Comments

[ozma]

How do you do that indifference thing? My daughter is younger than your son and she often prefers her father to me. Unfortunately, I do get all freaked out. I have recently discovered that she believes she can only love one person at a time. So, in response to my insecure badgering--'What am I, chopped liver?' "Want some candy? Who gives you all the candy, huh, HUH?" she will say "OK, Mom, I'll love you. I won't love daddy." So obviously, I have to lay off. I don't want to force the poor kid not to love her father BUT I WANT TO BE THE FAVORITE. God, why did I stop breastfeeding?

Maybe when she gets older and more annoying I'll handle it better.

[R]

This wins my "interfaith family story--comedy" award.

(have I beat you yet, spam filter??)

[All Adither]

Oh, I only wish my kids liked their dad more. The burden of being the preferred one!

I'll be kicking myself in 10 years for saying that.

[Tammy]

"Henry's in a pro-Dad, neutral-on-Mom phase, and I am utterly, completely okay with that."

Is it wrong that I find myself occasionally longing for this phase? My kid's two and a half. How long do you reckon I have to wait?

[jules]

I'm in fact Jewish, and "I love you but I'm Jewish" has got to be the funniest thing I read all day. Henry kills me!JulesHouse of Jules

[Bri]

I went through this one too, my Mom would often find us side by side on our backs "fixing" the car.

[Mich]

I think Judaism is based on Maternal lineage. I'd wait to tell Henry though, a least 'til he's past his Lego phase.

[Jen in CT]

Dude, that is freaking awesome!

[Jen]

We used to watch The Ten Commandments all the time growing up! Also? I found this link

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u1kqqMXWEFs

to a you tub re-cut of a 'preview' for the movie.

Also 'I am a Hebrew like my father?' Henry makes me laugh every time. No fair.

[You can call me, 'Sir']

Swap 'Hebrew' with 'Jedi' and I think you might have a little Luke Skywalker toodling around your hizzy. Which, I suppose, makes Scott Darth Vader. A Jewish Darth Vader. Who destroys not with violence, but with passive aggression. I could go on forever with this, but no.

[braine]

If you're looking for a Religion Wars rematch, start dismantling the Christmas tree and Winter Village. Let's see which sons of Abraham are doing the festive THEN.

[Lisa V]

We used to beg our daughters to convert to another religion so we didn't have to take them to mass with us. They were mostly pains in the ass, and we figured why not give the Jews, Mormons or Unitarians a chance to tame them? When the priest would bless them at communion I would beg him to whisper "Satan be gone." Alas, he would only smile and whisper things about social workers visiting my house.

My son though is a champ in church. He is quiet, he likes it, he says stupid stuff on Sundays like "Yay church!" He is either a budding priest or a reincarnation of my grandmother sent to make sure I always go to mass.

[The Yummy Mummy Cooks Gourmet]

Hilarious! (And nice to know you can get the Pope on the phone)

One of mine is a real Daddy's girl. Lucy (who's three) digs me enough, but she would leave me moaning and bleeding in the street if she saw her father coming 'round the corner.

As long as she's talking to one of us, I'm cool.

[babelbabe]

oh my god, i would give my left arm right about now to not be the favorite for even say fifteen minutes. and i know i'll be sorry i said so when dad rotates into favor. but OHMYGOD if i hear "Mommy? Mommy? Mama?" one more time today, i may scream...

[Aimee]

Too funny! Often when his dad gets home from work, my son pushes me away and says "bye bye mama". After all day together, I don't mind a bit!

[Poppy]

I am my daughter's personal pile of chopped liver. I don't think it's so much a Freudian thing as good common sense on her part. I'm better at helping with the homework. I'm a better decorator and cook. I'm a better driver, and my fits of road rage are inherently sprightlier and more amusing because I'm also much funnier than her father is.

On the other hand, he's the one with all the money. To spend. On her. Which trumps all of my good qualities.

[Honeybell]

Very funny . . . Somehow I've become the favorite of our 6 & 2 year old boys. My husband refers to them as "Our Little Oedipal Complexes". Touching, I know.

[Melissa]

i second braine's suggestion. that made me laugh my evil laugh.

[DM]

I can't say anything about not being the favorite since I don't have kids but you might want to look into getting Henry this t-shirt I saw somewhere...

"I'm not a full-blooded Jew. I'm JewISH."

Makes me giggle every time AND is approved by a friend who is Puerto Rican/Jewish.

[Heather B.]

Braine's suggestion was the best by far.

[Judy]

hehehehe that is so cute! I remember when my oldest daughter proudly announced to her Lutheran father that SHE was JEWISH (so what if I explained to her that she's Jewish because I, her mother, am Jewish). Today she takes joy in making sure her sister keeps Kosher (as in 'MOM! She's eating SAUSAGE!).

[Rivkah]

I think it's wonderful that not only is Henry bonding with his dad, you get some time off! keep up with the indifference!

I have liked reading your blog these past couple of months, it takes me out of my babysitting slump (re: I hate children, I never want to have my own) to an "I can handle it" hi. Thanks!

p.s. I'm one of 8 kids, so I know it's not rosy moments all the time, but you do make it sound fun.

[Rae]

You must be stoked to have such a close relationship with the pope!

[Kate C.]

Had I been drinking something while I read this, I might have spit it all over my screen. And not in outrage or anything...it was really funny. ;)

[CC]

I wouldn't mind my husband being the favorite. It drives me insane, though, that the current favorite is my mother-in-law, who buys her position with gifts, The Most Annoying Voice Ever, and permissiveness that knows no bounds. "She's my favorite person in the world!" he chirps. "I love her more than anyone else!" Ugh.