RIP, Minty Bear.
July 9, 2007We have returned from Montauk, full of sandy, lobster-rolly memories, but missing a beloved member of our family: Minty Bear.
Henry and Minty Bear.
I bought Minty Bear--so named for her pastel-green hue—when I was five months pregnant. When I didn't yet understand that when you have a baby, the world dumps truckloads of stuffed animals over your head. When I couldn't have predicted that within months we would be cramming animals into industrial-sized plastic bags and hauling them to the Salvation Army, where they would join their bereft, plushy brethren.
Anyway, when Henry was an infant we kept Minty Bear in his crib, because it didn't have any pull-out eyes or pop-'em-off buttons or related chokeables. He liked it fine, but then again he was also smitten with the ceiling fan, and would spend hours chuckling at it. There you go again, ceiling fan. Whirling and whirling. Oh, ceiling fan, you are a minx. But as the months passed he developed a decided preference for Minty over the ten or so stuffed animals that we had room for. Sure, he had the occasional fling with Black Bear or Teensy the Elephant. There was that weird jag with Tup Tup, the hard-bodied, scratchy-furred Siamese Cat Steiff. But in the end, he always came back to Minty.
The Minty/Henry bond was only strengthened over the years. Every night, he gathered Minty Bear in his arms and hunkered down on top of her. Every morning, he dragged her out of bed and downstairs to join him in buildng his mighty Lego Army, occasionally stopping to kiss her ears and murmur her name. He enjoyed discussing her positive attributes: her softness, her excellent smell. (A smell built up from countless nights of either drooling or peeing on her—or, hell, both--which no amount of washing could totally expunge.) She was his baby. His words.
The night we returned from Montauk, Scott asked me, as he does most nights, where Minty Bear had gone to. Henry made do that night with Black Bear while the two of us searched. And searched and searched. And I realized that at the hotel, I had failed to execute a final under-the-bed search before we left, although I had checked every other nook and cranny of the room. I called the hotel. The woman who answered the phone promised to call if it was found, but when I offered to give her a description, she just said, "It's a bear. Got it," and hung up. I didn't hold out much hope.
The next morning we told Henry that Minty Bear was probably gone for good. He asked me to call the hotel again, which I did. No luck. He nodded and said, "Okay, next we need to call the police." I tried to explain that typically the police weren't called in such matters. That's when his lower lip started trembling. "You mean I'll never see her again? Not even when I die?"
It went on like that for a while. He wept for her and also recited poetry on the spot about Minty Bear "going to sea" while his heart "blew up." He had us both in tears by the end when he sang a song called "Bye Minty/Bye Henry," in which both bear and boy bid each other adieu, forever and ever. (He sang both parts.)
Then he asked me to call the hotel again.
He seemed to recover after that, although he had moments—moments in which he demanded that I look at him as his eyes spilled big fat teardrops and he whispered "I'll never see Minty again." My own heart was blowing up. I called the hotel a few more times. They didn't ask me not to call again, but they thought it.
Then, yesterday, we found another Minty Bear. We were at a toy store, finding a present for another child, a child whose parents have probably never misplaced that child's best friend and soulmate, when I spied Minty Bear II on a shelf. I picked it up. I wasn't sure if this was a good move.
"Henry?" I said, and showed it to him. He looked it over, gave it a hug."It doesn't feel right," he said. "It feels too fat." He looked at it some more. "No, it's good. I think we should take it."
But on the way home he wept more for Minty Bear, and I doubted the wisdom of the purchase. "Oh Minty," he keened. "Gone forever."
"Maybe we should tell this Minty Bear about the other one, so she knows how special she was to you."
Nothing from the backseat. Then: "You go first."
So I told Minty Bear II all about Minty Bear I. How I had found her in a store when Henry wasn't born yet, and I knew she was meant to be his bear. How much Henry loved her. How he loved to smell her ears, which smelled like stale little-boy pee (I didn't say that part). And how she was his baby.
Then I kept going. I said that Minty Bear loved Henry so much that she told all her relatives about him, about this great deal she had with this amazing little boy. And her relatives were jealous. Why do you get all that love when we're stuck in this toy store? they wondered. So she cut a deal with one of her cousins, a bear who happened to be waiting for a boy of his own in New Jersey, of all places. I've had plenty of good years, she told her cousin, so I'll take off and maybe, just maybe, they'll find you. And that's just what happened. And in this way Henry made two bears very, very happy.
He was suspiciously quiet. Was he sleeping? I pulled up to the house and turned around. He was staring at the bear. He looked at me. "We did a good thing," he said. He kissed the new Minty Bear's ears, and closed his eyes.
Reader Comments (199)
And that photo! The eyelashes! Henry's perfect leeetle fingers! Goodbye, Minty Bear I.
I would never had recovered so gracefully to the situation you described. Alice for President!
I ahd a similar experience. My daughter lost her beloved Elmo doll while in he care of my husband, and I had to brave a Borders four days before Christmas to get annother one. Which she clutched to her and tried to rip out of the box, SCREAMING, while I waited in the interminably long line. I love the Borders guys because they tag teamed the purchase, working heroically to get him out of the box and into her arms. I'd told her Elmo had been on vacation.
And you know what? She doesn't even sleep with the damn thing anymore.
You did do a good thing, mama.
Last week my 16-month-old threw Ba-ba, her beloved scrap of a rainbow blanket, out of her stroller, and I didn't notice he (Ba-ba is a male blanket scrap; I don't know how I know this, but I do) was missing for HOURS. When she started asking for him before her nap, I realized he was gone, panicked, and set out on a heartsick journey to retrace every step we had taken earlier that day (we'd probably walked about half a mile, gone to various stores, etc. ) Half an hour later, just as she was breaking out the "Where is ba-ba?" song she sings when I playfully hide him from her (and I was ready to kill myself for not having cut him in half so there'd be a backup blanket) I saw him: some noble stranger had picked him up and kindly hung him over a fence where he would be visible! I literally ran to him weeping with gratitude. I think she thought it was all part of some extra-special let's-hide-baba game. I still haven't been able to bring myself to chop the poor guy in half, but he now has our phone number emblazoned on him in Sharpie.
All that to say, thanks for that story --anyone whose child has a transitional object knows what it is to mourn an inanimate scrap of cloth. God rest Minty, and a long life to Minty II !
My twins have "Rosie" a really ugly dept. store doll with a plastic face that is now brown from all the ground in love, and "Minnie" a minnie mouse dressed up like snow white. My girls are almost 10 and I still have cold sweats thinking about what would happen if one of them were lost. Especially Rosie, there is no way we would find another of those. Minnie has a back-up hidden in a dresser drawer, thanks to my husband's Aunt Joan who works at Disneyland, and had the forethought enough to send us another when we told her how much the first Minnie meant to our little Bean. :-)
I smell a children's story premise RIGHT HERE!
Now I'm shedding a tear for Henry and Minty as well as for the loss of my sister's beloved Brown Blanky which was lost, coincidently, on a trip in the NorthEastern US.
Warning to parents: The North Eastern states are like a bermuda traingle for vacationing children and thier security blankets/bears!
Thanks for the lovely story.