Operation Slim Cat, Month 2
August 30, 2011Of course not! It's becoming a blog about medications, health problems, and my overweight cat.
Hiya.
Two months ago (exactly! What do you know! I didn't even plan that) I wrote about our cat Izzy, who is large. Henry calls her "plush," which I think makes her sound … cleaner than she is. More luxurious. It's not easy for a cat to be clean when she can't reach all of her areas to clean them. And let me tell you, she does not want me cleaning her. Oh, I do it anyway, under severe protest. Both of us have been injured, either physically or emotionally, by my frequent attempts at brushing/wiping/rinsing. Our relationship has suffered.
I put her on a diet, as I mentioned. I read a bunch, and I guess you're supposed to not feed your cat unlimited amount of dry food all the time? Huh! Hargh! Oops! I switched her from dry carb-loaded crap to high-quality wet food. Half a can in the morning, half a can in the evening, with a tiny smidge of dry food available as a mid-day snack.
This is a LOT LESS FOOD than I was giving her before. And it's paid off! Wait until you see the dramatic results!
Here was Izzy before:
And here she is now. BEHOLD!
In other words, she looks exactly the same. But IN FACT she is now a svelte NINETEEN pounds instead of the TWENTY she was two months ago, and according to the veterinary health professionals, she is supposed to lose no more than a half pound a month, so we are RIGHT ON SCHEDULE. And I am using many CAPITAL LETTERS to express my ENTHUSIASM.
It might take a while, but someday she'll be able to clean her own butt! Which means that I'll be wiping exactly zero butts in my household! And that's on my Life List!
Izzy is an enthusiastic fan of the wet cat food, but she gobbles it right up and then spends the rest of the day demanding more. She is unappeased by the mid-day kibble snack. She has tasted the wonders of damp lamb-chunks, and she no longer wants any part of dry food. So for most of the day, here is where she can be found, sitting just like this, glaring at me:
Oh, we had to put her food up high, because Charlie will inhale it the minute we turn our backs. And, of course, because the food is wet, we can't hear him munching away. One slurp and it's done. (Until he throws it back up. So charming! Pets are so charming!)
And yes, she sits with her front legs splayed out, like this. I have no idea why. She has always done so. She continues to sit like this while I snap pictures of her, like she's not embarrassed at all.
Cats have no shame. They could use a little shame. Shame might give her the nudge she needs to, I don't know, cover her poop in the litter box. Or not glare at me while I clean her terrible haunches.
I truly hope that once she gets into a more reasonable cat-form, I'll like her a little more. I mean, I don't HATE her, but I'm having a hard time remembering what was so lovable about her. In addition to being kind of filthy and grumpy, she harasses Charlie on a daily basis. And Charlie is a senior citizen. He deserves some peace and quiet in his dotage. Come ON:
How could you bat your Evil Paws of Doom at this face, Izzy? HOW?
Reader Comments (56)
I have a fattish cat too, but I also have a skinny cat, and the skinny cat and the fat cat groom each other constantly, which is first of all ADORABLE and second of all means the only butts I have to wipe around here are my own and that of my three-year-old son who wants nothing to do with potty training. So there's your answer: just get another cat!
You know, I don't think I've ever commented on one of your posts despite the fact that I've read you for years. I'm not sure why- you regularly make me guffaw like an idiot, but I suppose I'm lazy and an asshole for not being like "hey! I kinda love you!" But this post is what did it. I could feel her eyes judging me for not telling you that you are funny up until now. Forgive me. Tell your cat I did this.
I love this cat! The epitome of a cat too...fat, too lazy to clean it's own butt and can still get to her food!
I laughed out loud on the street today thinking about the terrible haunches. God, you're magnificent. Thanks.
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I have that same cat... same eyes, same plushness, same dirty butt. Only mine is a boy. I wonder if black cats tend towards pudge naturally?
I have to clean my cat's ass too. She has lost some weight and should be able to reach however the stomach droop prevents her from doing so. Do you think my Vet will do a tummy tuck? Poor thing actually tries to use her paw to lift the kin flap to reach her butt. I feel so bad for making obese that I st clean away two times a day. If I miss a cleaning I come home to butt streaks on the carpet.
I thought I was the only one that had to regularly clean their cats behind because ahe is to fat to reach it. I have also switched out the high carb dry food to wet food. I haven't noticed any changes yet, but i too hope for a day when the only behind i have to look after is my own.
When the fatter of my two cats begins his demands for his morning feeding-- at 4:43 a.m., my scheduled waking time-- I deliberately don't get up right then because I don't want to incentivize him. I usually end up falling back to sleep and screwing up my schedule for the day. That'll learn him!
Also, the before and after shots? Superb.
We have a plush cat named Marilyn Monroe who seduces me with her porkalicious porcupotamus flesh. She flips her fat daily, lays splay-legged - temptress that she is - enticing us all to to knead her doughy mounds of chub. Our veterinarian disapproves of Her Rotundness, but we just can't imagine her a wastrel catorexic.
Imagine how much she'd torture Charlie if she didn't have all that "fluff" to weigh her down! Those eyes make me nervous. I say keep feeding her. A lot.
The front paw drape is killing me! She's all "Whuuuut?"
Thank you for using the word "dotage".
I have been meaning to share with you a video of my cats in feeding frenzy mode. They got this crazy when I had to put them on a diet. They have since stayed this crazy. The black cat, Griswald, begins campaigning for breakfast or dinner about an hour before each meal. As his breakfast happens at 6:00 when I wake up, you can imagine how delightful this habit of his is.
Long story short, I totally feel you on the food-crazed feline. I hope yours gets better. I have lost all hope as regards my own cats...but at least they are of regulation cat shape now and the vet isn't having a conniption every time he sees one or the other of them
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What? She's a lot slimmer in the second photo. A lot. I was just about the ask if she'd been on The Biggest Catloser.
Alice, you are magic with words. And those photos of Izzy with her front legs dangling - you just made my day.
I have a petulant obese dog, so I'm kind of with you on this one. And that picture of Izzy hanging off the cabinet? Priceless.
I love cats! Super!
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Boneless countertop kitteh is the best (pics 4-6)!
Our overweight dog also cannot perform the simple bodily housekeeping tasks most dogs do (and some dogs love to do). Good thing we love them and they're so cute, eh?
Kee hee! That arms-hanging-off-the-cabinet pic sent me into giggles. I once had a cat who would lie on top of the arm of the couch and let his arms hang that same way, only without the recriminating stare! Both of my current cats have been pudgy since I got them (13 yrs ago), barely held in check. Then the skinnier of the two had to go on low-carb wet food twice a day, which means they both end up eating at 5:30 am, 8 pm, plus a midnight snack. And they still find time to harass us, because he elude his meds, and gets a sugar rush after eating and dashes about exclaiming about it. Oy. Or maybe cats are just like that regardless of how wonderfully we treat them.
OMG. Hilarious! I have a "plush" older kitteh whom we lovingly refer to as FreshNuts. Her name is really Precious, but she's not. She is, however, rather large. A plus size girl and no way do I try to clean her parts, but do, unfortunately, get in the shower with her when she gets too stinky. She gets 1/4 can of wet food (like a giant tablespoon) artfully placed over a meager amount of a healthy kibble I pay way more for than I really want to, twice a day. And she's still a total whale. Love Izzie even if she's contrary :) I had two wonderful black kitties in my life -- great memories still.