On the walk home
November 23, 2010"The book I'm writing, it's actually a series, it's going to be nine parts, and the part I'm writing now--well, not actually writing but planning in my mind--is the part with me and Nick and we're fighting robots, not big robots but small robots, well actually medium-sized robots, like they're dog-sized, and Nick has this laser gun and it's like ka-zing but the laser misses and the robot is like WHEEAAAAA and I'm hiding in a locker and then I jump out like WHOAAA and then WHOOOoOSHhhhh and BLAMBLAMBLAM and the thing explodes all over. That's the first part. And then--"
"Okay, Henry?"
"--the second part is when everything's all blown up and the robots are on top of the school and we're like GET AWAY STUPID ROBOTS and they're all flying up in the air and there's like a big spider monster who's all [frantic limb movements commence]--"
"Henry. HENRY."
"Mom. I'm trying to tell you about my book."
"Yes, but there's a problem. I don't understand a single word you're saying."
"So?"
"I've lost track of what's going on."
"I'm saying, the robots are like ON TOP and we're like DOWN THERE and they've got these green tentacled things, well, not tentacled, they're kind of like spiders but not--"
"I'm totally lost. Why don't you just write down your stories? Like, on paper? Then I can see them and understand what you're talking about."
"Because I want to tell you about them."
"But I can't understand what the story is. Half the time you're not using words."
"Mom, that's okay."
"It's okay that I can't follow your story?"
"I just feel like saying it."
"Okay, so while you're talking, can I let my mind wander? I don't have to try to follow this?"
"Yes."
"So I should just pretend to listen?"
"You don't have to pretend."
"No 'uh-huh's and 'I see's? You don't need those?"
"NO. Mom, can I just tell my story?"
"Absolutely, my son. I will go on a little vacation in my mind while you natter away."
"THANK you."
"I'm so glad we can communicate like this."
"Yep. Can I talk, now?"
Reader Comments (44)
Awesome. Acorn is six, so I've got how many years of "mm-hmm" to go?
My 14-year-old is famous for these types of stories!
OMG, this is hilarious. And freeing! The 5yo equivalent, at least in my household, is the kid asking me whether he can be Something-or-other-asaurus, or whatever dinosaur species is top on his list for that particular day. Then he explains a complex play scenario in which I have a role, usually that of bandaging up a dinosaur wound and taking him home as a pet. I wish he would someday tell me that I don't have to listen, or play. Sigh.
Haha, he is going to make the best boy friend ever one day!
Let's Panic About Robots?? ;^) Sweet, actually - him writing a book - just like Mom!
At first I was like: here she goes again, a post that makes sense only to her. But then I read on. You and your son are sooo funny! I don't have kids but when I do, I hope we have these kinds of conversations.
"Here she goes again"?
This is my life. Except he hasn't given me permission to zone out, and sometimes later he'll do "trivia" about his stories and them I'm screwed. Also, there are always sound effects involved, actually more like a musical score while he composes his thoughts. Even though I'm not listening, it's still the best thing ever.
My son used to be like that, except he DID care if I listened and would get so annoyed if I didn't. I learned wayyy more than I ever wanted to about video games, Pokemon, skateboarding, magic tricks, yo-yos . . . whatever he was into at the moment. I watched him play video games for hours and hours. And hours. And then some more hours. He's 22 now, and my reward for all that is that now when he calls we have intelligent two-way conversations and he actually listens to ME. Sometimes. : )
I've read that book.
I actually had a similar conversation with my son many years ago when he was babbling on and on about Pokemon. He stopped and thanked me for pretending to pay attention and assured me his feelings were not hurt that I wasn't really listening. Boys are awesome!
I mean that in the most endearing way. Sometime it takes me a while to follow - probably because I don't have a mom brain (complete endearment).
Whew! Thanks, CakeStory. Okay, I'll come out of my Safe Space* now!
(*throw-blanket/couch-pillow cave in corner of bedroom.)
Marinka, are you calling my son a plagiarist?
That is HILARIOUS! How very freeing.
Love the post, Alice. You got "boy" down pat.
My seven year-old goes on and on and on, while I mmm-hmmmm and oh-really. And then I get screwed because he always asks "Mom! Ask me some questions about XYZ!!!" And then I say "what color are they again?" or "which is your favorite one?" and, of course, he just explained that bit!
We have a lot of conversations like that in my house. Except it's my wife who asks for permission to zone out.
Rad and a half.
If only every conversation could be so straightforward!
Oh my, I wish my 7yo son were so accommodating. I actually have to pay attention...
Brilliant, Alice. Send it to the New Yorker. I mean it.
My 5 year old and 8 year old have what they call their "worlds" that they are obsessed with drawing out in detail - characters, clothes, houses, etc. Then they try to explain it all to me and I pretend like I understand. That all works until I accidentally recycle their precious drawings.
I do that with my hubby without his knowledge. He tells a story about how some carburetor jet diesel fuel thing works and I just take a nice vacay in my head. I do have to include some affirmative hmm mmm's though. It's nice that your boy is cool with that.
Best post of the day. By far. You and Henry are made of awesome.
Oh, stop it! These posts might actually change my mind about not having kids.