On not getting anywhere.

I am in the throes of possibly the most insidious blogging block I have ever suffered. I could say it’s because my head is stuffed with packing tape and bubble wrap, which is true. But what little gray matter I have left is simmering with so much anxiety that nothing coherent or interesting can get through. I assume my increased anxiety level is because of the imminent move, although the specific fears and worries have little to do with the fact that we're leaving Brooklyn forever and ever OH GOD. Right now I’m pretty much afraid of whatever’s around. For instance, the other day I read an article about dog bites, and then tried not to imagine Henry getting bitten, and then failed at that because my imagination is really working at top efficiency these days. Like that. Except everything else, too.

So I’m not sure what to do. I could write about my anxiety, but it’s boring me to tears, so I can only imagine what it would do to you. It would be like someone writing about how they can’t stop running in a tight circle around their living room day in and day out, run run run run. “Hour 34: I continue to run. I’m still not getting anywhere.” This is pretty much what I’m doing these days. Aren’t you glad you came to check in?

Comments

[Erika]

even in aniexty, you can find humor, great job

[leahpeah]

you are doing great.you are doing great.you are doing great.

[Jenny]

There's a poem in there somewhere, Alice. Maybe titled "forever and ever OH GOD."

Feel better soon.

[cagey]

Yeah, I have been going through some Existential Blogging mental meanderings myself lately. Nice to know that others go through that, also. So cool - **I** feel better and that's what counts, right? Isn't this blog about me? No?

Seriously, though - moving is stressful. For the past 7 years, I have lived in 3 different places in the SAME area - that was stressful enough. You, however, are moving to an entirely different city, so don't be so hard on yourself. I have always argued that ANY change is psychologically hard even when it is a Good Change.

[mom on a wire]

Don't think about it in terms of FOREVER. It's "just for awhile". Kind of like how some people don't like saying "goodbye", instead they say "til we meet again!"

[Angela]

Would it make you feel better if you told yourself you weren't moving away forever, but just for a little while?

Jedi mind-tricking yourself isn't easy, but it might do the trick. I find that I can deal with things as long as they aren't open ended, like the scraping of my teeth at the dentist (I can take it if I know how long it will last, but not knowing when it will be over is torture).

Anyway, if you tell yourself that you can move back someday, it might make it easier to deal with.

I don't know if any of this made any sense, but I hope you feel better soon!

[Meg]

Just say whatever. We like it all.

[Vickee]

I'd cut myself some serious slack. Moving stress rates right up there with death and divorce. (OH GOD! Now you'll fixate on those! Just kidding) I worry about 'Dog Bite' too. So there - you are not so strange.

You could always post Sweet Henry stories. Share the joy, so to speak. Maybe fetch a warm glow while composing.

This too shall pass. When is your closing?

[SparklieSunShine]

I suffer anxiety like crazy and when it is at it's worst I feel like writing it the only thing that helps me through it. I stopped taking my medication for it 5 years ago so at times it can get BAD. You may feel like you are boring people, but hey it's your freaking website. Maybe even if you just wrote it all down in word and didn't post i you would be able to clear all of those thoughts and be able to let everything else begin to flow. Other things that help me are: working out, eating chocolate and peanut butter, reading and taking car rides. (I realise you didn't ask for advice I just thought I would share what has worked for me.)

I hope all of this stress reduces in the upcoming weeks. Good luck, Alice!

[Shelby]

So, I see a life coach. She rocks. She would say, regarding anxiety, don't focus on the HOW (how are we going to get this all packed, how are we going to stand being away from Brooklyn, how will we be able to afford this and that), but instead focus on the WHY (I'm moving to this beautiful new house because...I'm knee deep in boxes and packing tape because...). If you can shift focus to the joy of it all, then you will attract those things to you. I know I know. San Francisco hippie talking here. But it's helping me a lot and I thought I'd pass it along. Hang in there!

[Kelly]

Aw, so sorry things are tightly wound right now. Hope it settles into something more resembling a gentle flow soon.

[jess]

Moving is very stressful, wether it's around the block or to a an altogether new place. Hope things calm down a little and you feel a little better soon.

[Nicole]

A wise woman once told me when I was in the midst of the move from the Czech Republic back to the United States that there's a very good reason why putting "stressful moving" into Google will net you several million hits. It just sucks. There's no other way to describe it. If you can't blog right now, we'll all just have to deal! The most important thing is getting through it all.

[melissaS]

You know, the running in circles blog concept might really go over well. I think, a lot of the time, that's what a lot of us are doing only we put flourish on it to make it look like something else.

Hang in there. You're going to be fine. You'll find your way through this.

[H]

Alice, you could write a list of the things you've packed today and I'd happily read it.

so roll out that bubble wrap and forget about us for awhile...

[Kara]

Yes I'm glad you checked in! Hang in there!!!!

[Steph]

Even your "nothings" are so full of "somethings" Thanks for posting in spite of your absent brain.

[Tree]

Despite your anxiety,you manage to be charming and I bet you could write about running in circles and make it interesting!With you on the anxiety front.I'll say to you what eveyone says to me: it'll all be ok.

[Owlhaven]

Moving stinks. Hang in there

Mary, mom to many

[annlee]

One day at a time...or, one lap at a time...which ever works best.

Anxiety sucks the big one...from one sufferer to another. Lean on those around you that you love and trust. They (we) will carry you through when/if you feel like you can't do it on your own. That's what we're here for!

[Deb]

Ditto what everyone else said, but better!

I am feeling it myself and I just got started blogging! Life gets consuming.

Miss you but completely understand and am sending you lots of love and light and remember to breathe.

[jennster]

you could come get involved in the wretched "bachelor party" discussion i started. argh.http://jennnster.blogspot.com/2006/04/bachelor-parties.htmldid your husband have one?

[sonnet]

I am always glad I came to check in. Always. Always.

[msadventures]

Chocolate cures everything, Alice. Have some of the good stuff! Maybe a nice appletini?

It will all get better once you're in your new house. Hang in there! :)

[ash]

I kind of know exactly how you feel - not on the moving front but the anxiety front. Wanting to write about it but also, in the case of a blog, not wanting to bore everyone. Of course your 'everyone' is a lot bigger than mine!

On top of that the anxiety makes you doubt yourself to, and so you don't really feel like trying to write for anyone else.So, and maybe I'm being obvious and simplistic here, don't write for anyone else. As another commenter suggested, just write somewhere to get it out. It can help you see how far fetched some of your fears are.