On art, and fun, and saving your life
July 10, 2012This Saturday was my first watercolor class ever, at the Brooklyn Museum. I thought I knew my way around watercolor, but the more I learn, the more I learn that I don't know what I'm doing. And really, I just want an excuse to paint for a couple of hours a week. It's a ten-session course, and I get to take it with my dad. Not to mention a lively assortment of art nerds. I say that without judgment, as I am one of them. These are my people. You shall know us by the graphite smudges on our cheeks.
One of my class paintings. Oh, but I have a lot to learn.
I cannot begin to tell you how fun this class was. It was stupid fun. I can't explain it. We didn't do anything ground-breaking. But by the end of the class I was giddy. I get such joy from this, it's embarrassing. Why is it embarrassing, you ask? That is an excellent question, and one I should bring up with my imaginary therapist.
It's been too easy, over the past few weeks, to set this new habit of mine aside. Life gets tiring and complicated and by the end of the day I'd rather watch the Daily Show than haul out my paints or find something to sketch. (The other day I sketched Jon Stewart. Multitasking!) I have to push myself, but I'm so much happier when I do it than when I don't.
As I wrote in my latest blog post over at Babble, I started painting after my psychiatrist suggested I figure out what "fun" meant, for me.
During one of my sessions with my psychiatrist, most of which were spent with my head deep in the tissue box, he asked me what I did for fun.
“Faaaahn?” I said.
“Fun,” he said.
“What is this ‘faaahrn’?” I said.
It seemed like there was a trick to his question, like my source of fun would have to be esoteric and challenging, something that hadn't occurred to me before. Like samba lessons, or advanced magic. I considered art, and disregarded it at first because it was--well, not easy, but natural. I've been drawing and painting my whole life. It seemed like cheating. Like I was getting away with something. As if fun needed to be hard. I am a slow learner, folks.
I want everyone else to have something like this. Especially those of us dealing with depression--we who tend to focus more on feeling okay, on avoiding pain, than seeking out joy. If you could do anything that's pure fun, what would you do? Bonus points if it's embarrassing. I suspect you're all secret clog dancers.
Reader Comments (47)
Tap dancing! playing frisbee! having picnics, and going to "team trivia" at a restaurant. Jumping on trampolines, too. And sometimes choral singing. :) I need to perhaps do some of these things. Thanks for the reminder.
I've been following your blog for years and have never posted a comment (I'm a shy and wilting flower). This particular post hit me between the eyes. I went back to school this past fall to set out on a four year journey to get a two year degree in computer science. This summer I decided to take a creative writing class as one of my electives. I'd always wanted to but was afraid. Like your painting class, I thought I knew writing, it's always come naturally to me, but lo! I know so little. Last night I spent three hours revising a short story for my final portfolio and I LOVED every agonizing minute of it. This is my fun. I'm not giving up my computer science degree (web design is my other fun) and even if I never publish a word outside of my blog, I need to make time for myself to take my laptop OUT OF THE HOUSE and write. I think we introverts need to remind ourselves that our own quiet fun is just as important as the extroverts who go, I don't know, aligator wrestling or whatever it is they do for fun. Thank you for this reminder for all of us.
I've drawn and painted for years and even have an art degree, but I never thought about it terms of "fun". It has always been something I was driven to do be some inexplicable force.
You have me wondering if maybe that force wasn't so mysterious, and just the drive to outrun depression (which I am more vulnerable to when I am not making art.
Enjoy the class..... take more if you are able.
You know, my first thought was that there are so many things I find fun. But the truth is, I have a lot of hobbies but I don't know that I would say they were fun, giddy fun. I guess maybe I'm too busy with always having something coming up, some obligation including trying to cram all my hobbies in to know what's fun anymore.
Contra dancing! It's an American/Canadian thing -- think square dancing meets Jane Austen, with live roots/Celtic/French-Canadian/etc. music. I discovered it last year and was HOOKED. Like you and art, it makes me giddy.
Also lots of things I don't get to do much anymore, like hiking and kayaking and swimming. I bought a sketchbook a few years ago (while going through The Artist's Way), drew for a time, but have let it slide again...hmmm.
At least I still have reading!
Glad to hear about you doing this. It's awesome. Ah, the patience for painting I just do not have.
I recently "rediscovered my fun" while hounding my husband (with depressive sensibilities) to find his - going to see live music. Even when it's local bar open mic nights, it just lights me up to see people making something up and putting themselves out there. I just have a shit eating grin that I can't control and almost cry just about every time. I'm so moved that I'm completely embarrassed for myself! I thought after college I was supposed to stop wasting money on concerts and start buying work clothes, and recently realized I was totally wrong. The other thing I think is fun, boating, is tougher to satiate as I live in a land locked state. Without a boat. But when it happens, I'm thrilled. Oh, fun.
I fish. Almost every day I go fishing. It is awesome, whether I catch anything or not. I throw everything back but love the trying, catching, releasing...... Reading is also a fun treat if I can spend hours at a time doing it.
I am so glad you found your fun! You are such a talented paintress.
I love fun. Much of my fun involves physical activity. I love to run, surf, lift heavy things, do this gnarly obstacle course that involves bearcrawling on logs or in figure-8s, hurling my body over large hurdles, lying on my belly and jumping into a sprint, etc. I get really dirty and sweaty, and it's so so fun. I have my sights set on getting a trampoline in the backyard, and at some point to learn fencing, trapezery, and tango. These seem like fun things to do.
Other plans for future fun: learning to play drums guitar, ukelele and/or banjo.
I also love to read and practice calligraphy even though no one sends handwritten letters anymore.
As you can imagine, having a job and a family can really cut into my fun-having, but I take it where I can get it.
I have a friend who says that all living things must have fun, even on a cellular level, or else they would die.
You (and he) are right about fun, it's really really important.
My sad story is that the things I find fun are things that kind of make me crazy. I sort of have to choose (at the moment) between living an insane kind of life -- with fun -- or being depressed. Fun is not always simple.
I took dance for 15 years and, while I wasn't really good at or especially fond of ballet and jazz, I LOVED tap. I actually went back to my old studio and taught a class and I just now realized that it was the last time that I felt like I was really having fun.
Thank you for this. It's giving me something to think about.
I am a choral singer. And it is not a church choir, but super nerdy community chorus singing. I just attended a four-day choral festival with over 6,000 singers (170 choruses) and it was one of the best times I've EVER had. Even for an introvert who hates crowds!
Never underestimate the power of hanging with your fellow [insert FUN here] nerds doing what you all love.
I like to make stuff. I love to stitch -- hand stitch. Cross stitch, knitting, cutting and gluing... I like to make cute goofy stuff. Makes my head spin just getting all the things together to start a project. I get so excited I feel like I'm 8 years old getting a new puppy. :)
I read the post thinking, "Yay, fun! And fun with your dad!" and then I read the comments and started feeling all panicky, because I couldn't think of what's fun for me and actually doable, so maybe I could just follow them around and watch them have fun? Would that count?
And then they started mentioning things that I like, too, and now I think I could have my own fun. I love your commenters.
Also, I am going to be leaving little jars of homemade jam on random people's doorsteps. Also needlepointed stuff. Nobody panic, OK?
I had the same issue crop up in therapy after I lost my job last fall! I decided to take a BUNCH of different kinds of classes to see what I liked...baking STUCK and now I've had over 200 sales in under 6 months in my Etsy bake shop!
My fun is bike riding.
Long story short:
was always/is/am uncoordinated.
Tried forever to learn how to ride a bike.
Finally learned in 8th grade.
The feeling of riding a bike: tells me :YOU CAN DO THIS.
Ha. Still not sure where my fun is, and then I got this horoscope in the email:
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): I brazenly predict, my dear Aquarius, that in
the next ten months you will fall in love with love more deeply than you
have in over a decade. You will figure out a way to exorcise the demons
that have haunted your relationship with romance, and you will enjoy
some highly entertaining amorous interludes. The mysteries of intimacy
will reveal new secrets to you, and you will have good reasons to redefine
the meaning of "fun." Is there any way these prophecies of mine could
possibly fail to materialize? Yes, but only if you take yourself too seriously
and insist on remaining attached to the old days and old ways.
Songwriting and singing. It should be harder, to just write something silly and sing it. Also everyone knows how to do it. Also I don't know why I feel foolish about this at all but I do. Like it's a guilty pleasure or something.
By the way. Alice, I love when you post things on your blog. You know, I don't even really care what it is you post*, I just love that you have written it, and that you have shared it on your blog.
*I care, but I consistently feel this way, is what I am saying.
CoraD, when I read your comment I thought "OMG I want to befriend that woman".
When we go swim at my boyfriend's parents' pool, we do just that and also I'll pretend I'm a synchronized swimmer.
I do musicals for fun :) 3-5 musicals a year. I would be sad without them, and I am so lucky to have the support I need to do them. What a beautiful post! Thank you for sharing!
I love this post. Finding something to do just for fun's sake. Wow. What an ingenious idea. As a Mom of 3 under the age of 11, I'm so focused on planning, being efficient, and not wasting time, I have completely forgotten about the fine art of signing up for something because its simply fun for ME. I swim three times per week on a Master's swim team, and I laugh a lot there with my fellow early morning workout crazy people, but this is for fitness. I didn't sign up exclusively for fun.
I would really like to take surfing lessons. Now, that would be fun. I want to learn the best way to stand on the board, how to spot the best waves, and how to just hang at the beach afterwards and do something I used to be good at, relaxing.
I cannot thank you enough for such an inspirational post.
I was asked the same thing...and answering was REALLY hard. Coloring is fun for me. Like, in coloring books. It's so...pointless. It dosen't have a point, or create anything. But it's fun for me.
"Especially those of us dealing with depression--we who tend to focus more on feeling okay, on avoiding pain, than seeking out joy."
You just...totally nailed it right there in that one sentence. I kind of feel like once you've been scary-low, your life's task then becomes to try and just avoid the scary-low again, like that will be enough to make things okay, and that joy-seeking is something the non-damaged people get to do because they aren't preoccupied with not going off the deep end all the time. Of course, I have absolutely no idea what I could be doing just for fun, but at least now I have begun to think about it.
Thank you for writing that sentence.