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Let's Panic: The Book!

Order your copy today!

How to Endure and Possibly Triumph Over the Adorable Tyrant
who Will Ruin Your Body, Destroy Your Life, Liquefy Your Brain,
and Finally Turn You
into a Worthwhile
Human Being.

Written by Alice Bradley and Eden Kennedy

Some Books
I'm In...

Sleep Is
For The Weak

Chicago Review Press

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Let's Panic

The site that inspired the book!

At LET'S PANIC ABOUT BABIES, Eden Kennedy and I share our hard-won wisdom and tell you exactly what to think and feel and do, whether you're about to have a baby or already did and don't know what to do with it. → 

« Adjusting to the suburbs, slowly but surely. | Main | Give me your highly conditional love. »

Oh yes, you should be jealous.

I was away. I was working, but I was not here. I was in another place. A wondrous place. A place that had a pillow menu. Aromatherapeutic scents were pumped into the air. I was there with two writers I love more than I loved the many many pillows. I laughed so hard I pulled heretofore unfelt abdominal muscles. I never wanted to leave.

Now I am back in this place, and there is no pillow menu here. I am expected to place my head on whatever damn pillow I can find! The aromatherapy in this place tends toward the meat-tinged and/or uriney. I've asked to change my room, but the concierge isn't answering. This is not acceptable.

But then, there are these two boys who live in this place. I love one of them enough that I plucked him from the typing pool at work and I married him, before he knew what had happened. Now he scratches my back whenever I scooch toward him on the couch and lean forward ever so slightly. He finds it more tedious than Simonizing, but he obeys the long-standing ritual of the scooch-lean-scratch. The other one, the smaller one, threw himself into my arms last night and pressed his nose against my cheek while his wet lips smashed into me and he said, "I gave you a smell-kiss. I gave you a smiss."

I am sorry, paradisical-pillow-menu-place, but these are services you cannot provide. This place totally wins.

(p.s.: call me.)

Reader Comments (30)

Yes, I could never give up the smisses either. But pillow menus every now and then are lovely too!
March 2, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterFairly Odd Mother
No regrets, Velma! No apologies!
March 2, 2007 | Unregistered Commenteralice
I would take meat-tinged and uriney with leanandscratch and a smiss over pillow menus and aromatherapy any day.

March 2, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterTSM
Velma, I thought you were channeling Dr. Seuss the day after his birthday (or is this fiction? Trout had cake yesterday at school in honor of the good Doctor's birthday) - I thought it was cute.

Wouldn't give up a smiss for anything. No way.
March 2, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterFishyGirl
Wow, a pillow menu. I can't even imagine. No, I take that back, I can imagine. Very, very cool.
March 4, 2007 | Unregistered Commenterabogada

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