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Let's Panic: The Book!

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How to Endure and Possibly Triumph Over the Adorable Tyrant
who Will Ruin Your Body, Destroy Your Life, Liquefy Your Brain,
and Finally Turn You
into a Worthwhile
Human Being.

Written by Alice Bradley and Eden Kennedy

Some Books
I'm In...

Sleep Is
For The Weak

Chicago Review Press

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Let's Panic

The site that inspired the book!

At LET'S PANIC ABOUT BABIES, Eden Kennedy and I share our hard-won wisdom and tell you exactly what to think and feel and do, whether you're about to have a baby or already did and don't know what to do with it. → 

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Of course in reality we are grateful for our health

I was talking with my friend Abby, who had just suffered through several sick-kid-induced sleepless nights, and was losing her mind a little bit.

Abby: I need a break. I need a good reason to lie down for a few days.

Me: I know. When Henry was sick last week and sneezed in my face, part of me got a little excited. Because then I'd be really sick, and I'd have to take to my bed.

Abby: I totally get that, except I dream about getting in an accident.

Me: Excuse me?

Abby: Not a bad one, of course. Just getting banged up enough that I have to stay in the hospital for a couple of days. For observation. Of course the kids wouldn't be in the car, just me. I don't want anyone else getting hurt.

Me: This is sad, Abby. Why couldn't you just get sick?

Abby: It wouldn't work. I have three kids, they'd still need me all the time. Then I'd be sick and in charge.

Me: No, but in my fantasies I'd be so sick that Scott would have to take over. I'd be too feverish to be left alone.

Abby: Nope. They'd still get at me. Even if Nate were home. There's always one who'll sneak away and demand something from me.

Me: That's a good point.

Abby: That's the advantage of the only child. You get to just have the flu. I need a car accident.

Me: Oh dear.

Abby: I NEED IT.

Reader Comments (108)

I had never thought of having more than 1 kid increases your chances of being accosted while you are sick. Although, I still am pretty much expected to tough it out and still help with things. I can freely admit that I am a wuss and run to bed at a 99 degree fever and a tickle in my throat.
February 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJack
What a relief. I'm so glad I'm not alone. :)
I should also add that, now I have a baby--an adorable charming 7month-old--and have read the posts from those of you with more than one, I am SERIOUSLY reconsidering the second child. I mean, SERIOUSLY. I'm already beyond exhausted and craving a mini-vacation.
February 13, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLindy
I got stuck in traffic for an hour and a half on Friday and I loved it. I wasn't at home with the baby and stressing about all the work I had to do and I wasn't at work stressing about getting home to the baby. I was just suspended in time. I listened to talk radio and drooled.
February 13, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAccidents
I once got stuck on an actual roller coaster, hanging literally at the precipice of the most treacherous hill. I was riding with my mother-in-law. It was the most relaxed I had been in days!

But you're all on the wrong track, you know. You don't want to go to jail or get maimed by traffic or infection. You all want to go to rehab! Right? Ninety days at Betty Ford, come to mama!
February 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJess
While either scenario would be nice if it meant I got a break...sadly my husband is in Afghanistan so if I couldn't take care of my kids they'd go to state custody. Too much of a hassle to try and get them back after I recovered!
February 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMaegan
Anyone who wants to have a baby should read this post. Anyone who wants to have more than one, should take particular note.
February 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJojo
I'm too much of a hypochondriac (ninny?) for the hospital fantasy. But I constantly wish the dog would run away. This snowstorm has been too much. My husband had the nerve (the nerve!) to tell me how much easier and calmer it was on Saturday when I finally got out to food shop/run errands and that everything was fine until I came home. I told him that if I only had to be with the kids & the dog for four hours straight once a week I'd be doing a pretty awesome job too. If you ever wondered who marries those smug bastards you see out in public, look no further...
February 15, 2010 | Unregistered Commenteranonforthis
How about prison? Except not maximum security. Maybe even a mental facility? No knives means they might even cut my food for me, instead of the other way around.

February 15, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterHeather
Yeah, I think someone mentioned it already. I've fantasized about being thrown in jail on trumped up charges - you know, so it wouldn't seem like I was setting a bad example for the kids. I'd go someplace like where Martha Stewart went and my lawyer would get me out after, say, two weeks. I, too, have three kids and there isn't an illness strong enough to keep them from asking me to get them a snack.

So funny that we all seem to be so desperate.
February 15, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDaily Cup of Jo
Wow, that is so honest of you!! So many women think these things, and yet if they even think to say this full conversation out loud, they are automatically presumed to be suicidal or have depression. People do not realize what it takes out of a woman to give so much and in the end........nothing. I applaud you for a discussion about what we are all thinking...just not saying out loud!!

February 15, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterA Mother's Thoughts
Ha! When my oldest was in his 'I will never never sleep never never never' phase (the first 14 months of his life), I was so sleep-deprived and crazed that I thought about committing some minor crime. Nobody would get hurt, of course, but I'd get to go to jail. I would sleep, I'd not have to cook, I'd be able to read books uninterrupted. BLISS!

We don't have a car, you see.
February 15, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterWarsawMommy
@ abbyglassenberg and lindy,

I read Alice's post and immediately thought about all the fantasies I used to have about getting in car accidents on my way to work while teaching for TFA in Philadelphia. My friend and I used to compare the "good dreams" we'd often have that would involve us getting badly injured and needing to spend time in the hospital. Funny to think we were clearly not alone with this. I wonder if the near-death daydreams will return once I start having kids...based on the comments, I think that's likely!
February 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMeg
Okay, this is exactly what I needed to hear right now. Here I was feeling bad that I was kind of looking forward to my upcoming surgery, but it seems I am not alone! How nice it will be to be taken care of and really not be able to help anyone for days and days!
February 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJill Messner
I used to envy people who seemed never to get sick. Then, I had fever, painful swollen throat & nose, which lasted to 1 week, up to 3 X permonth (!) No doctors could find out what the causes of the sickness. They gave me antibiotics and painkillers that only caused stomachaches and even got rid of tonsils. After a more than 10 year-suffering, I finally figured it out myself : I have chronic food intolerance or pseudo-allergy. I cannot eat food containing preservatives even only citrid acid, MSG and E number agents. I am now very grateful that I am healthy and whatever happens, I never want to get sick again if I can help it. My husband hardly lifts a finger at home, he always comes home late at 10 PM or later and of course wants to relax during weekends, so keeping the flat clean and tidy,as well as doing the the never ending housework (incl. cooking 2X a day) is solely my responsibility. Often I wish he'd be more engaged in our daily lives and willing to help me out without being asked twice. It is the feeling of doing things together, a gesture of care from his side that matters to me. But sadly it seems it'll not happen, at least not for the moment. Still, I will never wish I'd get sick or am hospitalized for whatever reasons. I am glad that I am healthy again.
February 17, 2010 | Unregistered Commentercandra
Funny, funny, funny!!!! Just sitting here reading all of the comments makes me smile to know I am not insane in thinking "a little hospital stay would be nice".Peace to all of you moms.
February 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterChristine Brandeburg
The other day (a Saturday) I woke up and said to my boyfriend, "I think I'll pretend to have the flu so I can just lie around and watch TV today." And he said, "why do you have to pretend to have the flu?"

I felt crazy at the time, but now I just feel like saying Men! HMPH!
February 18, 2010 | Unregistered Commentersecretlyall
now THAT's creative AND the funniest excuse for a much needed break i've ever heard!!!!! lmao!!
February 19, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterEileenJay
Hilarious! I remember some time in my 20s my mother had checked herself into the hospital for chest pains (turned out later to be indigestion). The staff got very nervous about this and of course kept her for observation for 3 days. When I visited her she said, "I love this. This is just like a hotel except for all the sick people." It was the first time people were serving her. Also funny is the 3 kids vs. 1...
February 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCecilia
I was resentful over the holidays when both my husband and our toddler were sick. I "kind of" got sick, but it didn't stick on me like I hoped it would. Hubby said, "Wow, you're so strong to keep going and not complain." I thought, "I have to. You two wouldn't let me get sick for real."
February 23, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterjessica
Too funny! My dreams actually came true last week. I had to have hip surgery to repair a torn labrum and had to drive 4 hours out of town. I got 2 days in the luxury surgical hospital followed by 2 additional kid free days at home. It was absolute heaven and the morphine and percocet didn't hurt a thing. Try Zumba ladies and maybe you too can tear your labrum!
February 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKenda Ducote
Just this week I've seriously found myself jealous of my friend for having hip surgery! That's better than an accident because it's planned and you can plan for it! Maybe I should start "Zumbaing" and overdo it... Hmmm...
February 23, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterlrk
I spent 3 days in the hospital last May with complications from diabetes. It was blissful, even with the constant finger sticking, insulin injections, etc. The nurses said they'd never seen someone so cheerful about a hospital stay. They must not see many Moms/Grandmas with children at home.
February 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterStarling
Is it so sad that I completely understand your friend Abby and have the same fantasy? Because...I do. With 3 kids, you just never get 2 seconds to yourself. ever. ever. ever.
February 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKim
I loved, loved the time I got to spend there at the hospital after giving birth to my three kids. Each time I was there, I got peace and no one told me what to do. I slept and relaxed and got pampered. I didn't read each and every one of the comments to this blog, but I SO hear you all. I haven't ever dreamed of getting in an accident, but pregnant again, sure. My ultimate dream is to go on a luxury trip vacation without husband, kids or responsibly. I feel so immature and irresponsible for having these daydreams that I often set them in the back of my mind. However, there they sit, tempting me over and over again.
February 24, 2010 | Unregistered Commentercrazywildberry

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