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Let's Panic: The Book!

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How to Endure and Possibly Triumph Over the Adorable Tyrant
who Will Ruin Your Body, Destroy Your Life, Liquefy Your Brain,
and Finally Turn You
into a Worthwhile
Human Being.

Written by Alice Bradley and Eden Kennedy

Some Books
I'm In...

Sleep Is
For The Weak

Chicago Review Press

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Let's Panic

The site that inspired the book!

At LET'S PANIC ABOUT BABIES, Eden Kennedy and I share our hard-won wisdom and tell you exactly what to think and feel and do, whether you're about to have a baby or already did and don't know what to do with it. → 

« Forgive me. Please. | Main | Two posts in a row involving cats = run while you still have a chance. »

Now with pictures!

This morning I told myself, no more granola. I’ve wreaked too much havoc on my digestive system. Too many oats have ravaged my innards. No more! At least for today.

So what shall it be? Shall I choose from our multitude of healthy, albeit bland breakfast choices? Or shall I go for something involving impressive levels of fat and sugar?

I don’t know what came over me this morning. Wait, yes I do. Scott stayed home today for a doctor’s appointment, so he drove Henry to school. It was 9 a.m., Henry was gone, and I was still in my pajamas. This confluence of events sent me straight into vacation mode.

Besides, yesterday was the most depressing day of the year. Despite that fact, I was feeling rather chipper. So I figured today I should celebrate, because it only gets better from here, and if it gets better than "rather chipper," I'm in for a good year.

Here’s one of the things I love most about our house: it’s sunny. Our apartment was so dark, we had to turn all the lights on each morning. And french toast tastes better in a sunny dining room. That’s another thing: a dining room! I have a dining room!

I was so excited about the french toast that I forgot to fully cook it. Mmm, sopping brioche. (That’s right, brioche. I could have used the hearty multigrain bread. But hearty multigrain bread is for chumps.)

I’m not giving up on you yet, french toast.

See? You turned out delicious! And then I ate you.

Charlie got to lick the plate. That’s like Christmas times ten for him.

After breakfast, I waddled up to my office. Otherwise known as a sunroom. I have given up the quad workout of the slanty room. Now whenever I’m working, I get a tan. And when I look up, I see these:

My sister-in-law made these for me. I saw her crane mobile, and asked where she bought it. She laughed at me. I made one or two of them, under her tutelage. They’re the misshapen cousins of the others. Poor, twisted little freak cranes.

Every day, I look up at the cranes and pretend to work. It’s completely quiet, except for the occasional bird twitter or the driving-school cars who circle our neighborhood, always driving more slowly than I thought possible for cars to drive. Charlie basks in the sun next to me. Later we’ll go for a long walk; Charlie will lurch ahead, failing to murder a single squirrel, while I listen to The Sound of Young America podcast and try not to laugh out loud. Inevitably one of our newfound friends will drive by and stop his or her car (okay, minivan) to ask why I’m laughing out loud.

Why did I have a problem with this place, again? I can't quite recall. Maybe it's from that stroke I had, shortly after breakfast.

Reader Comments (40)

It's true, Matt. I'm losing my edge. My next post will be in praise of high-rise jeans and headbands.
January 24, 2007 | Unregistered Commenteralice
Time to ease up on the granola? :)
January 24, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterMichelle
So I made the granola... with macadamia nuts (oh yeah), and the only beef I have with your version is that the more almond (or cashew) butter you add, the clumpier it is. Thus you get more of those tasty clusters that absorbed all of the grease from the nut butter. Mmmmmmmm. Nut grease clusters!
January 24, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterRobin in San Jose
That's OK, Alice. You haven't lost your edge yet. When you get excited because Target is coming to your town (finally), or when you send an e-mail to Borders Bookstore management personnel asking them please, please to consider building a site in your town, then you will know that you have finally and forever lost it.
January 24, 2007 | Unregistered Commenterslouching mom
I'm just happy to see you feeling a little contented. There's a lot to be said for feeling safe and you know...happy.

You can direct the angst (as you do so well) outward toward deserving targets, like our fearless political leaders. :)
January 24, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterMatt
Alice, love the pictures, Charlie looks so cute sitting there begging to lick the plate. Our old dog used to do that but the difference would have been you would have seen the stream of drool coming out of her mouth while she sat there posing nicely for that picture. We're lucky, our new dog is not a beggar. She will sleep during our meals. But don't leave anything anywhere near her reach because that she considers fair game and will just TAKE what she wants.

Glad you are becoming contented in your new digs! ;-)
January 24, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterMauigirl52
Did you honestly just eat 2 pieces of bacon? Because that's just crazy. Screw the French Toast and go for the entire pan of bacon. That would be my dream come true. This also might account for the reason that I look like a linebacker in drag (I would say like the Refridgerator guy but I don't know if he was a linebacker or not).

I love the cranes. I've been fascinated with them for awhile. While I understand the concept of origami, I cannot practice it because it involves logic and logic escapes me. My origami projects tend to resemble crumpled pieces of paper.
January 24, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterDM
Mmmm, bacon! The fruit of the pig! But DM's right, it's not worth the pan greased up for only two piecees.
January 24, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterUdge
When my now-husband and I were young and crazy and unhealth conscious, our Sunday morning breakfasts consisted of a box of Krispy Kreme donuts and a pack of bacon. We ate both, all, yum. Your breakfast happiness (rather, reading about your breakfast happiness) not only made me hungry, but brought me back to those good old fatty days for a stomach-grumbling moment. Thank you!
January 24, 2007 | Unregistered CommentersqueezyB
1. I can never cook only part of the package of bacon. I have to cook the whole thing and pretend I am going to put some aside for future BLT's and then nibble away until they are all gone.

2. I hope Scott didn't have that breakfast before a cholesterol screening!
January 24, 2007 | Unregistered Commenterclickmom
My friends keep telling me to stop thinking I have to make decisions RIGHT THIS MINUTE, because of course I always do. Seeing your change of heart is making me think perhaps I should ponder things a while before jumping to think my life will be forever ruined if I don't make decisions resolutely and instantly.

And to think you did all this just by having breakfast!
January 24, 2007 | Unregistered Commenterdorothy
Things sound pretty hunky-dory there, Alice - of course, what with French toast, bacon, paper cranes, sunshine, and a dog to walk, why not? It's always the little things that make me the happiest, too - it makes it easier to feel good if the only thing that your feeling good is riding on is sunshine or a piece of bacon. Mmmmm.... bacon. I'm channeling my inner Homer Simpson and thinking about stopping for bacon on my way home from work.
January 24, 2007 | Unregistered Commentersuperblondgirl
Who cooks only two pieces of bacon? Are you a closet masochist? Hee!

I'm so glad you're adjusting to your new spacious, light-filled digs in an area where it's the norm to walk your dog at a leisurely pace and just enjoy your surroundings. See - it doesn't completely suck!
January 24, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterJessica
good for you! so glad you're feeling more settled.
January 25, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterH
that breakfast looks lovely!!!(lucky charlie)
January 27, 2007 | Unregistered Commenteracaligurl

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