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Let's Panic: The Book!

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How to Endure and Possibly Triumph Over the Adorable Tyrant
who Will Ruin Your Body, Destroy Your Life, Liquefy Your Brain,
and Finally Turn You
into a Worthwhile
Human Being.

Written by Alice Bradley and Eden Kennedy

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Sleep Is
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Let's Panic

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At LET'S PANIC ABOUT BABIES, Eden Kennedy and I share our hard-won wisdom and tell you exactly what to think and feel and do, whether you're about to have a baby or already did and don't know what to do with it.

Lets-Panic.com → 

« Want to hear something funny? | Main | Here's the thing. »
Tuesday
May202008

Nor breath nor motion

Why, hello. And welcome! Welcome to my doldrums. I apologize for not fixing up the place, but there's been so much to do: sitting around, staring into space, muttering at the dog, attempting to nap. Making a sandwich and then halfway through forgetting about the sandwich and wondering why I'm standing there with a butter knife. Like that! So much.

Would you like some tea? I think I have some, somewhere over here. Of course making tea means heating up water and finding the tea bags and. What? Was I saying something?

Why are you jumping on the couch? No, no, that's not a ferret scurrying out from under the couch to attack you. That's a dust bunny composed of the intermingling of Charlie and Izzy's fur. Sorry about that. I would have vacuumed but the vacuum cleaner is so heavy, and who can figure out how to plug stuff in? It's like you need a science degree for that. With the larger prong and then the other one. Why not just one prong? I ask myself that more than you would imagine.

And yes, I was wearing these sweatpants the last time I saw you, thanks for asking. Stained, are they? Huh. None of my pants fit me, if you must know. This is frustrating. But then, at least I don't have a stupid ass face like you do.

Whoa! Where did that come from? I'm sorry. Your face is not even a little assy. Pants are a sensitive topic for me. As are shirts. Also, life. Can you just sit over there and avert your eyes?

I know the phone is ringing. It does that. It will stop, don't worry.

Also, just so you know, if you ask me how I'm feeling I may start screaming and not stop until you leave. I'm just getting a little weary of that question, is all. I feel like having a sandwich, is how I feel. If only I could work through how that's done, again.

Time for you to go? Lucky! I'm glad at least one of us can enter and depart as we please. If it's anyone, it should be you, and I mean that. Sorry about the, you know, dust bunnies, and the insults. Next time you come, we'll find some cups, and then we'll drink some water, maybe with ice cubes! Now if you don't mind, I'm kind of wiped out. You can open the door yourself, right? I thought so. Next time you're here, you'll have to show me how that's done.

Reader Comments (146)

When I went through a divorce, I ran.Make sure you have really loud, really happy, danceable music on your ipod, and run run run.Dancing to reggae music helps to.Do you have any Bob Marley?I just said a prayer for you.
May 20, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterSunny
Alice, I'm so so sorry. I wish there was some way to make it better. I'm sending you big internet hugs.
May 20, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterblakspring
One breath at a time, one moment at a time, one hour, one day. It will get easier, but sometimes you have to just give yourself credit for those breaths and moments. When the moments get hard, know that there is an army of folks out here willing you to stay afloat.

Take very gentle care of yourself.
May 20, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterbec
My favorite quote of all time is by Anne Lamott and it seems to come to mind whenever I am having a difficult time.

"My mind is like a bad neighborhood I shouldn't go into alone"

We all need help sometimes. Thinking of you.
May 20, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterKim
If I lived on the opposite coast and actually had the pleasure of your aquaintance (and provided I had not frightened you off with the intensity of my ardor): I would tuck you into bed, make you a sandwich AND some tea, and, finally, I would vacuum your dust-bunnies. I can think of no offering greater than that. Heal. Take your time, but please, please heal. We love you (at least, all of us who matter do). Sorry. One too may G&T's.
May 20, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterValorie
Sending Hugs your way. Lots of hugs...
May 20, 2008 | Unregistered Commenteronthegomom
Dust Buffalos! I still love that.

You're doing so well. We're all here for you, and we just might even teach the buffalos how to play dominoes, if it'll get you to laugh.
May 20, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAlex M.
I don't this particular kind of grief, but I do know grief - and to say it again (as many have already said) - grief has no timetable.

Your post today was so engaging - it's amazing how strong emotions can do this to a person's writing.
May 20, 2008 | Unregistered Commentercarol Grzybowski
This post made me cry. You so perfectly expressed what you're going through...I am thinking of you. I know there's nothing anyone can say to make you feel better but I hope it helps for you to know how many people are sending good wishes and caring thoughts your way.
May 20, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMauigirl
You have put into words what I have felt so many times, but never knew how to explain. Well done.

Hope it lifts in time and you are feeling better.
May 20, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterBecki
I'm really sorry, Alice. I had some kind of PPD thing and it didn't go away for awhile and then it did. I wish I had something better to say. I guess I find it shocking anyone vacuums ever, anyway. I hope things get better soon.
May 20, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterozma
I would make you a sandwich and tea and then just sit there. Or leave if you can't stand it.I'm sad. For you.
May 20, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterSandra
That post was brilliant.

Sometimes it just helps to write. And write. And then just get away from it all.

Sit down, make yourself comfy and read some silly blogs or websites. Give yourself permission to brain space.

Honestly, it helps.
May 21, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterKelley
I am so glad to see you posted again. I know this is an absolutely horrible time for you, but writing will help. Try to write as much as possible. It will help you heal.

I'm sending prayers up for you! Hang in there!Dee
May 21, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterDee
You're allowed to grieve Alice. Thanks for sharing this dark part of your journey, and I hope that knowing you are not alone, and this too shall pass, will comfort you.I wish you all the healing your body mind and soul is needing,Peace to you from me.
May 21, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterRobyn
At this stage I think the Anti-"Smile" is more fitting -- "Cry, what's the use of smiling?"If one of us made you a sandwich, would you eat it? Because the making part is hard, but so is the part when you get food past the lump in your throat. This is why there's ice cream.
May 21, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterSlim
You are doing fine. One moment at at time until it can become one hour at a time.

Next time I'll bring the cookies and make the sandwiches.
May 21, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterLeann
Ugh, Alice, I'm so sorry you feel so shitty. Wallow for a while, girl, then maybe go out drinking. Or drink at home. Whichever works.
May 21, 2008 | Unregistered Commentersuperblondgirl
So very sorry, Alice. You have every right to feel the way you're feeling.
May 21, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterSusan
There's absolutely nothing that I can say or do to help. Hell, you don't even know me, but I read your blog far more than I need to (because I really need to be getting shit done) I don't pray, so I will just say that you are in my thoughts. And that's the first time I have ever been called an assface.
May 21, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterKimberly C
Don't worry about the ice cubes.
May 21, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterlindasands
I'm so hoping that this is one of those cases of the internet being helpful and that all of our good thoughts reach you and help bring you back to the sun.

Grief is such a messy, horrible thing. What I hate most is that there's no way to help and I'm a helper... damn you Grief!

Mental hugs and sandwiches are on their way to you.
May 21, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterRen
Now this is a brave post...because it's hard trying to pretend that you're doing OK, when you're not...my heart goes out to you...
May 21, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterJulie G.
Now this is a brave post...because it's hard trying to pretend that you're doing OK, when you're not...my heart goes out to you...
May 21, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterJulie G.
Alright, who the hell said "How are you feeling?" I'll kill 'em. I will.
May 21, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterJonah Lisa

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