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Let's Panic: The Book!

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How to Endure and Possibly Triumph Over the Adorable Tyrant
who Will Ruin Your Body, Destroy Your Life, Liquefy Your Brain,
and Finally Turn You
into a Worthwhile
Human Being.

Written by Alice Bradley and Eden Kennedy

Some Books
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Sleep Is
For The Weak

Chicago Review Press

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Let's Panic

The site that inspired the book!

At LET'S PANIC ABOUT BABIES, Eden Kennedy and I share our hard-won wisdom and tell you exactly what to think and feel and do, whether you're about to have a baby or already did and don't know what to do with it.

Lets-Panic.com → 

« Give me your highly conditional love. | Main | I love you. »
Tuesday
Feb202007

No one told me it would be like this.

Dear Four and a half,

You’re amazing. Never leave.

Love,

Mommy

Hey baby,

Aww, sweet thing. Four and a half’s gonna be here for a good long while. Shh, now, don’t fret. Four and a half’s gonna tell you how beautiful you are. Gonna stroke your hair, now. Four and a half can’t stop looking at you, is all. Remember how Four would slap you upside the head and not care what you thought? Four and a half might do that, too, but it’s by accident, see, and then he’s going to kiss you all over that head of yours and make sure you know it weren’t meant to hurt.

Hey, can Four and a half have that cookie? That one you thought Four and a half wouldn’t notice, all wrapped up in the pantry? No, you say? That’s cool. See? Four and a half wants you to know he can wait—he’s got all the time in the world. Or maybe that cookie isn’t for him and never will be. No matter. Some other cookie will come by, some other time. And when that time comes, Four and a half will be there. For that cookie.

Sweet, sweet love,

Four and a half

Dear four and a half,

….

Love,

Mommy

My love,

Speechless, aren’t you? I know. I know it all. Hey, want me to hold that door open for you? I knew you’d like that. Ain’t nothing I don’t know. Like spelling, baby. Like, you know what letter “word” starts with? Wuh..wuh… that’s a double-you. So it starts with “D.” D starts double-you. See, baby? Try to correct four and a half on that one, and your head will spin. Just smile, baby. Four and a half’s got it all figured out.

Four and a half’s going to draw you a picture of Obi-Wan Kenobi, now. Only instead of a light saber, Obi-Wan’s gonna have a flower in his hand. For his beautiful mommy. Oh, Four and a half is so gonna get that cookie.

Marry me,

Four and a half

Reader Comments (61)

Dear 4 and a half,Does your voice sound like Isaac Hayes or Barry White? Because when I read your letters to Alice? That's what the voice in my head made you sound like.

February 20, 2007 | Unregistered Commenteroregoncoastgirl
Just wait for seven. Seven thinks mommy is everything good and holy. "Wow, Mom, you look prettier today than you've ever looked in your whole life." "Mom, you're pretty enough to be a fashion model." "Mom, don't buy that pancake mix. Your homemade pancakes are better."

Seriously. I wish I could freeze him and keep him like that forever. Plus, he tells me he loves me like 1,000,000,000 times a day.
February 20, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterKaleigh
I spend most of my time with Fif-Teen (mostly dirty looks shot down from a foot above my head), Thir-teen (laying in my lap one moment, crying hysterically that she was an accident another) and the exciting "Nine" (this one adopts animals daily, comes home covered head-to-toe in dirt and uses my best sheets for forts...she's busy, that one!)

I do miss four and a half. All of them.
You mean to say we might survive two and a half? The blunt trauma to the 9 month face from the fantastically pissed off feet, hands and teeth of two and a half? Ma'am, I just don't think I can believe that, and these are girls to boot.Enviously yours in exhaustion,Mama of a toddler-infant torando
February 20, 2007 | Unregistered Commenteramanda
13 denies the existence of 4 and a half.
February 20, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterKathyR
I thought I *did* tell you it would be like that....
February 20, 2007 | Unregistered Commenterkyran
I can't wait for Four and a Half because Almost Four is out to kill me.
February 20, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterBethany
I want to eat this post, just like a cookie. Ahhhh 4 1/2---been through it already, but have two more waiting in the wings to get there. Can't wait.
February 20, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterFairly Odd Mother
Oh, how loved the four and half stage, now my boys are 11/9. I have to say that things just keep getting better with age. I love when they tell me each morning how much they love me, how great I look in "that" outfit. :) Four and half was just the beginning. Its been a Great time, and I am Loving every moment. :)
February 20, 2007 | Unregistered Commenteracesamie
my mother pointed me to this post. My son is 4 and a half -- I love it! Course, this is the age of Oedipus (don't be surprised when he says he wants to marry you) -- they love their moms so much right now.

Yerp -- a thousand kisses a day, "Oh, I love you so much mommy, so much so much so much. I want to kiss you and hug you"

It's pretty breathtaking.

Thanks for the post.
February 21, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterMelissa
Oh! Alice, four and a half sounds like my one and a half! Could it be that I'll get this unbearable sweetness twice in one childhood!? One and a half says "blesses" when I sneeze, responds to every request with "okay", says please and thank you, and just last night strung together her first sentence: "I love Mama". Not kidding. One and a half has the craziest, biggest vocabulary (probably why she didn't walk until 3 months ago). One and a half is unbearably cute. But one and a half IS a girl, so probably by 2 she'll be using her incredible vocabulary to tell me how much I've ruined her life. Must enjoy this while I can...
February 21, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterKookaloomoo
Wait, why does MY four and a half have yelling? Just constant LOUD TALKING-TYPE YELLING. He's cheery, sure, but oh-so-loud. And incredibly snarky, like a 13 year old girl or a really bitter blogger or fashion writer or something.
February 21, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterMelanie
Oh, I love four-and-a-half! Of course, six-and-a-half is pretty amazing too (but maybe I'm just biased!). I got a card one morning that read:

DE MOM I (HEART) U!U R THE GRADIS MOM INTHE UNUVRS

I nearly cried. One-and-one twelfth is sweet too. Hugs, kisses, belly laughs and general silliness.

I'm sure I'll reach those not-so-great ages with both boys soon enough, but for now I'll enjoy where we are.
February 21, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterElleBee
Oh, I love four-and-a-half! Of course, six-and-a-half is pretty amazing too (but maybe I'm just biased!). I got a card one morning that read:

DE MOM I (HEART) U!U R THE GRADIS MOM INTHE UNUVRS

I nearly cried. One-and-one twelfth is sweet too. Hugs, kisses, belly laughs and general silliness.

I'm sure I'll reach those not-so-great ages with both boys soon enough, but for now I'll enjoy where we are.
February 21, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterElleBee
I've got four and three quarters over here, and let me tell you he is a noxious combination of four AND four and a half. One minute he's caressing my cheek and gazing into my eyes with affection and the next moment he's flat out on the lino violently expressing his displeasure at being disallowed the opportunity to eat his own boogers. It's like Jekyll and Hyde.

I'm praying for 5 to be more stable. Or tranquillizers.
February 21, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterFabricated Goddess
I've got four and three quarters over here, and let me tell you he is a noxious combination of four AND four and a half. One minute he's caressing my cheek and gazing into my eyes with affection and the next moment he's flat out on the lino violently expressing his displeasure at being disallowed the opportunity to eat his own boogers. It's like Jekyll and Hyde.

I'm praying for 5 to be more stable. Or tranquillizers.
February 21, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterFabricated Goddess
At my house, four and a half slips into our bed every night after midnight, burrows up close, gazes at me adoringly, and instructs, "Mama, wake me up every morning with a kiss."

Yes, four and a half. Anything you say, four and a half. I'm yours, four and a half.
February 21, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterShariMac
Enjoy 4.5, even 5.0 but be prepared for 5.5, all the drama and obnoxiousness of 4.5 with a large dash of "I'M NOT GOING TO..."

We're almost at 6.0....I hope it's the return of 4.5 {:o))
February 21, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterDmom
Four and five-sixths, however, is a bitch. Fortunately, the major export of the Napa and Sonoma valleys is helping me get through it.
February 21, 2007 | Unregistered Commenterliz
We're at two and a half and looking forward to four and a half.
February 21, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterHeather
Yes! And as the only really old Mum here, I can tell you that when 4.5 is like that, so is 18 and 21. Excellent boy, that 4.5.
February 21, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterYoki
aww. four and a half's a charmer.
February 21, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterJ
Hmmmm.... My daughter is 4.5, and she told me two weeks ago that kisses are disgusting and hasn't let me kiss her since. I'm getting gipped, I think.

My youngest is barely two. He will only hug me and kiss me if he's pretending he is a kitty. He also will only brush his teeth or let you change his diaper if you say, "Here kitty, kitty - come here so that I can change your kitty diaper." And he keeps pouring his milk on the table so that he can lap it up like a cat. We don't have a cat. I don't know where it is coming from. Help.
February 21, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterSue
So what you're all saying is... My son being only 2 and all... I have 2.5 more years before it gets better...

*sigh*

At least there's a light *somewhere* at the end of the tunnel. HA!

If I make it through the toddler years with both boys and we all still have all of our limbs in tact, eyes in their sockets, and nothing stuck in ears or noses, I will consider my parenting a success!
February 22, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterHeather
I'd marry four and a half (sigh).
February 22, 2007 | Unregistered Commentermotherbumper

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