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Let's Panic: The Book!

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How to Endure and Possibly Triumph Over the Adorable Tyrant
who Will Ruin Your Body, Destroy Your Life, Liquefy Your Brain,
and Finally Turn You
into a Worthwhile
Human Being.

Written by Alice Bradley and Eden Kennedy

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At LET'S PANIC ABOUT BABIES, Eden Kennedy and I share our hard-won wisdom and tell you exactly what to think and feel and do, whether you're about to have a baby or already did and don't know what to do with it.

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« EIGHT | Main | Over here »
Monday
Sep272010

Look, everyone, it's my hair. (Yawn.)

All right, all right.


Listen, I didn't really want to put up pictures because I'm pretty sure someone's going to get all mad about my stupid face. I don't take these comments seriously, as I am perfectly aware that I am a vision, but it does give me pause. My appearance seems to anger people so. You may recall--and if you don't I will remind you--that last year, when I was on the Today show, a thoughtful reader told me that all she could see was my "enormous ass and teeth."


Well!


But this is only my hair, so at least you will all be spared my ass. And of course the teeth. The misshapen, unfortunate teeth.


The first thing I learned, while trying to take pictures of my gray hairs, is that it's harder than it seems like it should be. The light in my bathroom's all buttery and lovely but it doesn't work when you're trying to show the horrible divide between the graying roots and the oxidizing awful of the rest of it. Here's my first try. Where are the gray hairs? They're right...right there! Oh, can't you see?!


Okay, seriously? This color is all wrong


A little closer, reluctantly. I wasn't really anticipating a close-up.


It's grayer than it looks, here


Okay, look over here, it's really gray--no? Crap. It really is. Damn it.


There! Gray hairs!


Fine, I'll lower my head. THERE. Now do you see?


There it is! White!


Here's the back of the head (look, you people asked for these), where you can't see anything at all. Take my word for it, it's gray. Darker than the front, but definitely a steel-gray kind of thing.


Back is darker, but definitely gray


The other side. Because my hair is longer on top than the sides, the gray's way more apparent around the ears. Which I like to think makes it look like I have a coppery toupee squatting on my head.


It appears that I'm wearing an orange toupee on top of my gray hair, but I assure you I am not


Now I'm looking up even more. I'm so whimsical!


Preparing for the Rapture


In my zeal to expose the white-ness of my roots, this happened.


Now I'm just getting silly


This is the kind of hair I have: I can yank my hair upward, and it stays. This is an advantage for silly pictures and/or to amuse my son when he's crying, and a disadvantage every morning, in that I wake up with the craziest bedhead ever and if I forget and answer the door, I terrify the meter reader. Jealous?


Sarah Brown, I'm having a medieval tapestry moment!


Now I'm just making faces. But look, in this mirror, you can see the gray hair a little more clearly.


I'm squinching up my face, and I do not know why


I am the epitome of loveliness.


This is my prettiest face ever


Finally, just to piss people off: my butt. Sweet fancy Moses, how did anyone let me on television?!


And now, just for the hell of it, my ass


No! No, not the teeth! OH GOD CLOSE THE MOUTH CLOSE IT


Taking pictures of yourself in the bathroom can be fun

Reader Comments (129)

You are so cute. Love the smile in the last pic! Gray hair rules. I was just admiring David Axelrod's wife's (random, I know) gray hair on CBS the other day. Rock it!
September 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLuisa
You're going to be looking very much like my Mum did when she was younger. And that is very much a compliment :-)

Also? Nice butt.
September 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSarah
First of all, you know I think you are perfectly lovely. Teeth, ass and all. (That's going to be my new come-on. "I love your ass. And your teeth.")

That said, I know that if it were me, the growing out would make me insane. I have a friend who decided to give up dying her hair and after a couple of inches she actually went to her stylist and had the remainder of her color stripped and... dyed gray. So that the two-tone thing was overwith. (Not saying you need this. Just saying it's an option if you're feeling the need to Do Something.)

You are going to look STUNNING with gray hair because your eyes are fantastic (certainly your best feature, right after your ass and your teeth...) and the steel will totally set them off. Plus you have the face of an 18-year-old and I really think you are totally going to rock this new look. ;)
September 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMir
You shouldn't have posted these pictures. No, there's nothing wrong with your teeth n' ass. But really - you've been telling us how awful your hair is going to look, and here you have the nerve to go and look downright cute. Not cool at all.
September 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDonna
I can't believe any one would ever say anything so mean!

I saw a woman once with beautiful gray hair. It almost looked like she had died it silver it was so perfect. If only we could all just go gray like that.

Your hair is lovely as always. Stop fretting.
September 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCindy
Since I cut my hair very short (pretty close to yours, maybe a little shorter) I've been wrestling with whether to let the gray come in or keep it at bay. It does show a lot more at this length, especially in my dark brown hair.

What to do, what to do...color? Or not.
September 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBarnmaven
First off, Alice, you are adorable. I remember the TODAY show 'incident' and although they had clearly bouffed your hair (not your style), you did not look BIG. So, everyone that thought so - BITE. You are looking rather toned and hotty, though, and your working out is paying off. Lovely. I am truly not coming on to you, btw ... LOL.

As for the hair, it is fine ... I was expecting 'worse' from your previous posts. Gotta say, I really loved your hair in your older little pic on momversation (the short bob).

XOXO
September 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLou
Holy shit - you are gorgeous!!! Who's the loon who commented on your ass and teeth? She clearly wasn't talking about you.
September 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterShelley
Ian and I are waiting impatiently to go totally white-haired. Truly. We look at other people and agree the only ones who look interesting and stylish are the elegantly or eccentrically dressed white-haired people in the crowds.

You have the pretty bone structure to do grey beautifully, you lucky and lovely creature.
September 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAntonia
ALSO! You are a little bit... Julie Andrews! Still very gorgeous.
September 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterShelley
So what we've learned here is that you should rent out your bathroom for photos.

I have some free time in November - is that good for you?
September 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMiss Britt
I'm not a commenter usually, but I have to say this: I think you're lovely.
September 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterGina B.
You are basically my favorite non-birthed-from-my-loins person on earth.
September 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBertha
Yep, you ARE a vision!! You will look lovely no matter the color of your hair!
September 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLife of a Doctor's Wife
I'm always amazed at what people will tell you in comments. Someone thinks you have a huge ass? Wow - I wish my ass was huge like yours!
September 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLora
You are downright callipygian and have an adorable smile. And I'm on the internet, so you know I'm right.
September 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterNora
Man, you're funny! I've said this before but I love your haircut. It suits you very very well. You should do a post about your haircuts through the years...
September 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKristin
Actually, I kind of hate you right now. I would trade bodies with you in a heartbeat!
September 28, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterlizz
ANCHE, DENTIthat's what an italian man once said to me after he told me that he loved my eyes. its means "also, teeth." sorry to gloat about my excellent teeth (which you've seen, and leave something to be desired) but it has become a catchphrase in my life. ANCHE DENTI right back atcha Alice!
September 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMeredith
You have the face of a '40s film star (and are ready for your close up, Mr. DeMille)
September 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSK
i love this. especially your teeth. does this mean you're letting the grey grow out? i sure hope you do; i think women, especially younger women, with grey hair and a good cut (like you!) are totally fab!
September 28, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterbeyond
I think you are looking very Linda Evangelista...quite lovely but still able to poke fun at oneself? Even better!
September 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSarahV
You are freaking hilarious!
September 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLynne
My solution to my greying hair has been...HIGHLIGHTS!!! Heavy highlights... which used to be called "frosted hair." Yes, there is a maintenance issue, but it made me feel younger not older. I wish I had YOUR butt!
September 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKathy Bauer
You are awesome. And hot. My Mom was going gray by 30 and never colored it, so that is my goal (I'm 33) Her beauty and self confidence is my model.

You are doing the Lord's work here.
September 28, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterstacy c

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