Let's get physical.
October 27, 2005I’m beginning to think Henry’s preschool teacher doesn’t like him.
I know what you’re thinking. “Someone not like Henry? Impossible! I will hurry to her classroom and beat some sense into her!” And so I am glad I never told you which school he goes to, because I’m beginning to think you’re a little nuts. That said, I am also puzzled as to how someone could not like Henry. Yes, he can be… challenging. He knows what he wants, and he’s not easily swayed. Sometimes his motives are baffling; there’s a lot more going on in his head than he lets on. Also, he can be shy in group situations. I can imagine that when you’re faced with eleven children clamoring for your attention, the enigma in the corner might not be your favorite.
But my God, woman! Have you seen his cheeks? Have you ever looked into those blue eyes of his? Have you no soul?
He got through his transition into the World of Preschool with flying colors. But then, about a week later, whenever I arrived to pick him up, the teacher would greet me with this preschool-teacher frowny face that made me want to kick her. When I asked her what was wrong, I invariably got such comments as:
“Henry was a little sad today.”
“Henry was low-energy.”
“Henry didn’t want his snack.”
“Henry was low-energy, and sad.”
“Henry was a little…quiet today.” Frowny face. “I think he was tired. And he wouldn’t eat.”
You have to imagine all of this conveyed in this high, babyish, mock-sad voice. I’m not sure why she does that. Because oh, the urge to kick.
Anyway. So, okay. My child is apparently sad! And tired! That’s not her fault, is it? That doesn’t mean she hates him? Although when he gets home, he’s whirling about the apartment like they gave him crack! Except, whoops, that couldn’t have happened, because according to his teacher he’s a certified snack-hater.
I didn’t think too much of this the two teacher’s assistants came up to me after class, and told me what a delight he is. “He sings the Star Wars theme all day! He’s so cuddly and affectionate and funny!” “Yes, yes,” I panted, “Give me more.” They handed me a list of various things he had said throughout the day. Apparently he spent the day shouting, “Surrender, Earthlings!” They found this hilarious. Because they’re human.
Then the teacher walked by, and I said, “He had a good day, huh?”
Frowny face. “Well…” she sighed. “It was hot in the room. Everyone was a little low-energy. It wasn’t just him.”
After that I just avoided her at the end of the day. But I couldn’t help but notice, when I dropped him off, that her behavior toward him was a little… chilly. I wouldn’t say she was cold, but there was a definite nip in the air. One morning, he was unhappy, and I didn’t want to leave until I got him settled in. The teacher headed for him. I waited for her to join him, and instead she gave him a tight smile, and then turned and sat down with two other children, who were already playing with one of the assistants.
And at the last pick-up, she approached me. “Henry was very physical today. We had a physical day,” she said. Oh, I thought, she’s telling me there was a lot of running and jumping and playing? So I should put him down for a long nap?
“Yes,” she said, “there was a lot of pushing and shoving and bossing around the other kids.” “HENRY? WE’RE TALKING ABOUT HOW YOU HAD A PHYSICAL DAY, DIDN’T YOU? REMEMBER, WITH THE PUSHING AND THE SHOVING? AND WE DON’T DO THAT AT SCHOOL.”
On the way out, I said to him, “So you were pushing other kids?”
“I had to,” he said. “She told me not to yell.”
His logic is impeccable. What choice did the boy have?
Of course, on the one hand, I’m glad to know he was “physical,” and I don’t fault her for sharing a concern, blah blah blah, but on the other hand, would it kill her to once share something positive with me? One thing? Would the turning of the frown into the upside-down position cause her pain?
Reader Comments (103)
Anyway, what I meant to add to my earlier post was that I LOVE Henry. I have walked around all day saying, "Surrender, Earthlings," and cracking up. He's going to be one of those people who, (we should all be so lucky), colors outside the lines and comes up with creative solutions. And it's great that he doesn't seem to have a problem with the teacher, since she gives him hugs. I loved the "I love you" to his aid.
Sounds like his teacher just sucks at knowing how to communicate his good points, which is something she needs to learn to do. LB's suggestion above was wonderful -- when she said, "Make it all about HER and HER attitude towards him. Or "So...you felt he was sad today...what kind of techniques do you use in that situation?"
Mostly, I just love how Alice parents. Obviously, Alice, you're a great mom, and I hope this bundle of advice only comes across as those of us cheering you on and being inspired by you, and not being bossy as if you need us to tell you what to do.
But for what it's worth, if you ask to meet with the teacher and director, (and I think that would be wise), make sure the kind and human assistants are present too. That way the director will get a more balanced view of Henry's days at preschool rather than just the psychopath woman's.
Or just pull him out. Surely there's another preschool in your district? That woman is bad for your son's mental health.
Our preschool has a room of video monitors where you can go and observe your child (or teacher). I bet yours does too. Use it!!
Go and take a look. See what really happens when you're not around. And I think the best thing I've read so far is that you are your child's advocate. Hell yes!! Follow your instincts and do what you feel is necessary.
But the main aspect of this whole discussion is Henry. What is best for him. He sounds to me like he will be just fine. Yes, Just FINE.
Our school start with a home visit, has all ready had a parents night, started classroom observations and parent meetings are in a week. The school has communicated well with us what their curriculum is and what they're doing with the kids and why. it's made for a smooth transition.
My daughter is very strong-willed and hasn't been the best in the class at following directions. The teachers mentioned it only in a positive way to tell me what they were doing, that it took numerous tries to get her to do what they asked of her and made clear they were telling me so i could reinforce the learning at home. in fact, they said she was strong and spirited and that those were fantastic traits in a person and that they weren't trying to break her spirit -- which they loved -- but helping her to become part of a community. And they gave me this potentially negative (though I didn't take it that way) feedback well away from her ears. She loves school and her teachers and had no idea that she was standing out. THIS is what you deserve from a school and if there is a teacher who so clearly isn't providing that, it's a school problem.
Pre-schools just aren't big enough for a director to not notice a problem teacher and if the director has noticed and not intervened, that's an enormous problem that is not going to be solved by a meeting. A meeting which will likely only serve to put the teacher on the defensive.
Sorry to be a negative-nelly (if you knew me you could make fun of me for years for using that phrase) but your child's first experience of autonomy should be a fully positive one.
I had to say that I, too, am the mother of a high-spirited (read difficult to deal with sometimes) child of 3 1/2 years old. She is not easy to deal with until you get to know her and learn how to bribe her. Hell the child has a better vocabulary than I do already and is doing math. Not counting. DOING MATH, adding and subtracting and the like. I keep saying stuff like "BUT she is ONLY 3 1/2, Is this NORMAL???". I figure by the time she hits first grade she is gonna be way smarter than me and then what the hell am I gonna do??? But I digress...
Here is what I wanted to say... The Surrender Earthlings thing had me giggling all day and reminded me of my daughter. My husband has taught her to say the following: (Ask Henry or the Hubby if you need to know what they refer to...)
"Don't make me destroy you!""Surrender yourself to the dark side!"
See, husbands even infect little girls with Star Wars crap...
And the teacher's soul isn't so good.
He knows it.
She knows it.
She knows he knows it.
That's why she doesn't like him.
Rest assured that we, your adoring public, know that the teacher is a freaking village idiot, OF COURSE.
Um, hello? You're a girl. What the hell are you telling me that for? And, oh, thanks for being responsible for the fact that I'm 38 years old and can't add or multiply to save my life.
Anyway, my point is, other than the fact that I still hate this woman, is that this stuff can stick with your kid forever. I wish my mom would have kicked her.
Not only is that kid adorable, he's funny so there is probably something wrong with her that she doesn't like him. I vote with Mrs. K.
Kick her.
I recently told a woman at church about a friend of the family who'd lost her baby full-term. It was a gut-wrenching story, another woman standing there broke down in tears. I'm not overly-emotional. I wasn't asking for tears at all. What I got from *this* woman however was an exaggeratedly stuck out lower lip and "Ooooohhhww" in a baby voice. I SO wanted to kick her. Not because of her response in *that* specific situation, just because that response in ANY situation is kick-worthy. Anyway, I agree, kick her. Or at least teach poor Henry to.
Reba
I'm such a dork.