Let's get physical.
October 27, 2005I’m beginning to think Henry’s preschool teacher doesn’t like him.
I know what you’re thinking. “Someone not like Henry? Impossible! I will hurry to her classroom and beat some sense into her!” And so I am glad I never told you which school he goes to, because I’m beginning to think you’re a little nuts. That said, I am also puzzled as to how someone could not like Henry. Yes, he can be… challenging. He knows what he wants, and he’s not easily swayed. Sometimes his motives are baffling; there’s a lot more going on in his head than he lets on. Also, he can be shy in group situations. I can imagine that when you’re faced with eleven children clamoring for your attention, the enigma in the corner might not be your favorite.
But my God, woman! Have you seen his cheeks? Have you ever looked into those blue eyes of his? Have you no soul?
He got through his transition into the World of Preschool with flying colors. But then, about a week later, whenever I arrived to pick him up, the teacher would greet me with this preschool-teacher frowny face that made me want to kick her. When I asked her what was wrong, I invariably got such comments as:
“Henry was a little sad today.”
“Henry was low-energy.”
“Henry didn’t want his snack.”
“Henry was low-energy, and sad.”
“Henry was a little…quiet today.” Frowny face. “I think he was tired. And he wouldn’t eat.”
You have to imagine all of this conveyed in this high, babyish, mock-sad voice. I’m not sure why she does that. Because oh, the urge to kick.
Anyway. So, okay. My child is apparently sad! And tired! That’s not her fault, is it? That doesn’t mean she hates him? Although when he gets home, he’s whirling about the apartment like they gave him crack! Except, whoops, that couldn’t have happened, because according to his teacher he’s a certified snack-hater.
I didn’t think too much of this the two teacher’s assistants came up to me after class, and told me what a delight he is. “He sings the Star Wars theme all day! He’s so cuddly and affectionate and funny!” “Yes, yes,” I panted, “Give me more.” They handed me a list of various things he had said throughout the day. Apparently he spent the day shouting, “Surrender, Earthlings!” They found this hilarious. Because they’re human.
Then the teacher walked by, and I said, “He had a good day, huh?”
Frowny face. “Well…” she sighed. “It was hot in the room. Everyone was a little low-energy. It wasn’t just him.”
After that I just avoided her at the end of the day. But I couldn’t help but notice, when I dropped him off, that her behavior toward him was a little… chilly. I wouldn’t say she was cold, but there was a definite nip in the air. One morning, he was unhappy, and I didn’t want to leave until I got him settled in. The teacher headed for him. I waited for her to join him, and instead she gave him a tight smile, and then turned and sat down with two other children, who were already playing with one of the assistants.
And at the last pick-up, she approached me. “Henry was very physical today. We had a physical day,” she said. Oh, I thought, she’s telling me there was a lot of running and jumping and playing? So I should put him down for a long nap?
“Yes,” she said, “there was a lot of pushing and shoving and bossing around the other kids.” “HENRY? WE’RE TALKING ABOUT HOW YOU HAD A PHYSICAL DAY, DIDN’T YOU? REMEMBER, WITH THE PUSHING AND THE SHOVING? AND WE DON’T DO THAT AT SCHOOL.”
On the way out, I said to him, “So you were pushing other kids?”
“I had to,” he said. “She told me not to yell.”
His logic is impeccable. What choice did the boy have?
Of course, on the one hand, I’m glad to know he was “physical,” and I don’t fault her for sharing a concern, blah blah blah, but on the other hand, would it kill her to once share something positive with me? One thing? Would the turning of the frown into the upside-down position cause her pain?
Reader Comments (103)
My son Jacob had his first year of preschool last year. It was so hard for me to let him go but he wanted to so so badly. We selected a montessori school after going to an open house - i liked all but one of the teachers and was foolish enough to not ask more about her. turns out she was the main teacher.
suffice it to say my instincts about her were right. And she did not like my child. at all. here was a boy who had always been very very well behaved. almost freakishly so. people would marvel at how good he was. and yet this woman founf him troublesome and hard to deal with. why? because at three years of age and no school experience he had a hard time sitting still during curcle time and didn't like to put toys away when asked.
i have to tell you i went through a parenting crisis all of last year. i wish i had pulled him out of that place. she was never cruel to him but she was, as you described, chilly. she treated him very differently from the other kids. there were two ohter boys she also treated differently. when greeting them at the door she was col toward them.
he is now in a school we love and the teachers there fall into the 'normal' category. they love him just as he is and are happy to see him each day. it makes me so sad that Henry is having to deal with someone who is not warm and loving. she ought not be in this line of work, this teacher woman.
not surprisingly my son's behavior at the new school is better than at the last because when children are treated with kindness and respect they respond with the same. the old teacher ran her school like the military. oh if i could undo sending him there.
not that i am suggesting you should change schools for Henry. i'm just reliving my pain thru your comment section.
At least there's one nice teacher...
Anyway, I'm NOT trying to say suck it up at all; it sounds like you're dealing with a real issue here with H's teacher. But I just wanted to share my own feeling of empathy at what it feels like NOT to have your child adequately appreciated! [As if anything could be adequate...]
What's it going to be like when they hit 6th grade and in the throes of mean-teen life?
Then step on her toe with your kitten heel as you walk away . . .
I would probably say something like:
"OH, weawy? *stupid pouty face* Weow, i can't hahdwee bwaim him becuz yoah stoopid sing-song voice and pouty face are zapping MY will to live, much less eat my snack!! AAHA HAHA I'M JUST JERKIN YOUR CHAIN!!! HA HA HA!!!! But seriously. I have to be honest with you. I find it a little off-putting that you never have anything positive to say about my son. Yet, all the aids report that he's doing great. Is he only behaving for them? I wonder why that is...." (*index finger on chin*)
*Scowl*
Then I'd take my kid out of there.
I can always spot them, because they act like that until they realize I have an actual Husband (tm) and then they get all overly-friendly for a while until they realize the freakitude runs so deep that even my certified "pimpin' for the patriarchy" status has not fixed it.
Can you say "projecting"!?
Also... "low energy" can mean "unwilling to knuckle under to peer pressure and participate in some annoying group activity".
heh heh... good luck!
His teacher sounds sad herself, so her perception is probably warped by her own feelings of being tired and sad.
We should take up a collection to buy you some fabulously pointy and tall Manolo Blahniks that you can swiftly kick her about the ass with.
Then we shall all pinch her tiny, ill-informed, glass-half-empty, should-really-get-laid-already head off.
I'd add: talk to the director. It seems odd that she's negative and cold when the assistants are so positive and warm. Bring it up with the director. Seriously.
And kick her hard on your way out the door.
My daughter's first grade teacher just UNLOADS on parents at pickup time. We have specifically stood there and demanded to know if our child did anything right that day, in front of the assembled parents. She's still a downer, but she's trying harder to not spew her frustration at our 'creative' child.
My daughter's first grade teacher just UNLOADS on parents at pickup time. We have specifically stood there and demanded to know if our child did anything right that day, in front of the assembled parents. She's still a downer, but she's trying harder to not spew her frustration at our 'creative' child.
I'm wondering if maybe Henry dislikes Phoney McFrowneyface as much as the rest of us do, and she can tell, so she's giving him a hard time because of it.
From Henry's reaction coming home each day, it seems like he's overjoyed to be free of her. I would be, too. She sounds a lot like my kindergarten teacher. That bitch.