Just a small block. Nothing to worry about. Probably.
February 27, 2013Hello, would you like to hear what's going on in my head?
I'm determined to complete the latest draft of my novel but now, whoops, I've decided that it no longer makes sense. Oops, whoops, oh well. Who told me I could write a thing? Not going to give up, though, so I noodle around in chapters and make little stabby motions at the keyboard while my stomach hurts. And then I flee in terror, tumbling down a Pinterest-hole for hours. This isn't the most efficient way to make progress, turns out.
Other productivity methods that have failed me: drinking too much coffee, eating whatever's around, hyperventilating, Googling successful friends, angry showering (careful with that loofah, kids!), irritating the cat, yelling at stuff, cleaning everything.
I may be a-quiver with self-loathing, but on the plus side, our apartment is extraordinarily clean. I dusted the ceiling. Do you need someone to dust your ceilings? Just say the word.
I'm sure this will pass. Right? Right. As the goats would say, "Bwaaa. Aaaagh. Muaoaoaaaa. Ehhhhhhhhhhhch."
Reader Comments (22)
You'll get it back, but in the meantime, those goats are killing me with laughs. Oh, and feel free to dust my ceilings anytime. Maybe it'll help!
You sound like a writer. :) I worked (am still working?) on a screenplay off and on throughout 2011 and last year, and then I reread all that I'd written up to that point one afternoon and thought, "The premise makes no sense." Screenwriting had suddenly interested me, so I tried (am trying?) it. . . .I'll come back to it, I'm pretty sure. I really think the procrastination and brain breaks are just part of the writing process. You know that already, I'm guessing. Anyway, you'll get there. And my ceiling's fine, but you're welcome to help me get caught up on laundry. :)
I don't ever have writers block because I only ever intend to write gibberish and that's pretty much a guaranteed outcome. Except for the rare abject failures when I am embarrassingly coherent. Like maybe now.
I'd love to have you dust behind our television--there's been a big dust blob on the wall for long than I'd care to admit. So far my plan of making a mental note to "dust that later" hasn't worked. Thanks.
Hope you're unblocked soon!
Huh. I hope no one goes straight to comments and reads that bit of encouragement out of context.
I'm having my own anxiety moment right now, too. Totally different reason, but oddly the goats in my head sound just like yours. MWAAAAARAHHH
I'm sure all those goats had extremely successful, zen-like moments very shortly after their bleating.
And so it will be with you!
oh lawdy. i did nano last year, and am trying desperately to figure out if there's a story buried in the metric ton of poo that I wrote. i'm so with you, goats and all.
Oh, crud. Well, can you take some time away from it to work on something else--something that might count in your head as "valid" work and not a distraction? And then you could go back to it with fresh eyes and have a better sense of whether it makes sense? Hm...
LOVE the goats. They made everyone in this household fall off the chairs with laughter.
Hope things get better SOON!
Ok, listen, I've read your entire blog. The whole thing (stalker!). And I also read a ZILLION other blogs. Do you know what? YOURS IS MY FAVORITE. My favorite on the whole Internet!
So when I hear you doubting your talent it makes me Hulk-Smash Mad! How can you not KNOW what you have? You should be SMUG! Smug bordering on asshole about your writing! Srsly!
The video of you poking your cat has me in stitches. I shouldn't laugh really, it's just we have three of the furry buggers and if you clap loudly when they're all asleep in a tangle? Bliss.
Alice you are a fabulous writer so try not to let it get you down. One day you will open that file and it will all just be right.
xx
In happier news, you are without question the funniest thing on vine. I love it when I literally do LOL. Which I did. For every video. And I'm not generally that kind of girl.
A novel? A novel! You have a draft? Eek I'm excited.
Revising/ rewriting sucks. Do you know anyone who could copyedit it? Pay someone! I can't explain why this works but it does. I think it is because you can make it mechanical and then you don't freak out as much because it starts out being about track changes. It would probably be a fortune with a whole novel.
I am right where you are. However, I am not writing anything fun like a novel. I am going to a hotel. Which reminds me to hotwire tonight. That's another thing that works for me--going to a hotel. There are certain rules involved like no internet and no TV. But you are a mom--so you'll feel real guilty and that helps you follow the rules and work all the time.
I wouldn't go to a hotel in NYC. Too expensive. Go to Connecticut for the weekend. Some horrible place. Some totally sterile horrible hotel.
Why am I giving YOU advice? I never even got so far as a complete draft of a novel.
One time I was trying to finish something way overdue and my life was hanging in the balance and all of the sudden the voice in my head whenever I read it was Donald Duck's voice. I was a little bit flu-ish prior to this but that was really insane and I have no idea whether it was the flu or not.
Hahaha! :) Blocks suck. :P
Oh, hell, yes, I know this story! Happy to commiserate. Have you seen the goat video with the Taylor Swift/goat duet: http://surrenderdorothy.typepad.com/surrender_dorothy/2013/02/momo-showed-me-taylor-swift-and-a-goat.html
Exercising (like doing push-ups) can help. Throwing darts, juggling tennis balls I read can stimulate the mind when it's having writer's block.
My husband finds the sounds of those goats very upsetting. They make me laugh.
And they're the exact same goats!
So, you might think your novel makes no sense, but someone else might find it inspired, glistening with wit and genius.
I don't think glistening was the quite the right word there. But you get the jist.
I'm sorry you're in a rut, Alice. For what it's worth, I'm dying to read your novel, whether it makes sense or not!
Until this too passes, enjoy the following goat mashups — call it productive procrastinating ;)
http://noisey.vice.com/en_uk/blog/well-heres-this-the-10-best-and-worst-goat-music-video-mashups
You might not be able to write a novel, but you sure can bang out one hell of a blog post.
PS: That's what it sounds like inside my head most of the time too.
I haven't been here in a month or longer and so I was delighted to read The Boots post and this one as well. You have such a lovely way of expressing your thoughts. I have a list of writers who I find so engaging and who I could read all day long and you're on that list. I know a random stranger telling you this is probably not all that exciting, but the list also includes people like David Sedaris and Mary Karr, so it's not a bad list. You really should be blown away :)
You are too funny and it is scary how similar our avoidance techniques are! Hang in there!
Stabbing little runs at the unweildy draft, upset stomach, too much coffee, obsessive non-writing tasks, enraged bathing...check check check check check.
In my experience this is EXACTLY how you write a novel. GOOD JOB! Keep it up and you will soon have a ready-to-shop MS due to the transitive powers of self-loathing-your-anxiety-into-story I look forward to reading it.
"tumbling down a pinterest-hole for hours" I think we all have been there!