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Let's Panic: The Book!

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How to Endure and Possibly Triumph Over the Adorable Tyrant
who Will Ruin Your Body, Destroy Your Life, Liquefy Your Brain,
and Finally Turn You
into a Worthwhile
Human Being.

Written by Alice Bradley and Eden Kennedy

Some Books
I'm In...

Sleep Is
For The Weak

Chicago Review Press

Home - Middle Row

Let's Panic

The site that inspired the book!

At LET'S PANIC ABOUT BABIES, Eden Kennedy and I share our hard-won wisdom and tell you exactly what to think and feel and do, whether you're about to have a baby or already did and don't know what to do with it.

Lets-Panic.com → 

« Sugar is delicious | Main | Hair update #2 »
Sunday
Nov072010

It's Saturday night and I'm writing a post. This is sad. 

Thanks, Babble, for including me in your top 50 mom blogs. I've got some excellent company in there. And hello to any new readers, who I imagine are already impatient with me. "She's the funniest? She hasn't made me laugh even once so far. I'm going to go to her house and punch her right in her stupid hair." Why are you so angry, new readers? When I only want to love and be loved? Fine, come to my house. It's an apartment building, anyway. I dare you to find which unit is mine. And then like I'm going to buzz you in? Dream on, weirdly driven angry readers I just invented! Yeah, good luck scaling the side of the building to get to me! What's that you say? Fire escape? Oh, hell and damnation! Where's my jet pack?!

As proof of how funny I am, I've added a new essay to the writing section: Eighteen Attempts at Writing about a Miscarriage. Okay, maybe not the most amusing piece, but I must tell you--in case you read it and grow concerned over my mental health--it was the most satisfying thing I've ever written. It was so cathartic to write I was sure it was junk. (Catharsis-inducing writing is rarely any good. Usually it's like scrawling I HATE YOU I HATE YOU in your diary and then throwing your diary at your mom right while she's on the phone with your Grandma, smoking her stupid cigarette like she's so fancy.) But hey, it was published, and nominated for a Pushcart Prize, not that I'm bragging but of course I am because I still can't get over it. It didn't win, though. Because the Pushcart Prize judges hate babies. I think that's clear.



References (2)

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  • Response
    Miscarriage is grossly underreported in our society and continues to be a taboo topic of conversation. The vast majority of women go on to have healthy pregnancies, but many women would have more peace of mind if they knew how common miscarriage is and the tools we can all use to ...
  • Response
    “… a reasoned, well- written response”???? I wouldn’ t call themiddle rightwing, rather the post is cliff notes for the Jewish Federations’ (among others) talking points for countering what they call the“ delegitimization of Israel,” and, as ordered, it was not vituperative, name- calling, etc. Besides the fact that one can ...

Reader Comments (52)

I like your blog a lot. I will be following this.

November 8, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterNooboddy

OMG Alice. I just read the essay. I can't even let go of the paper I printed it on, at my office- I have to take it home so I have a backup in case the internet just disappears one day and I lose it forever.

I had three miscarriages and my third was shortly after yours. We didn't have our lovely little girl yet, and weren't sure we ever would. My mom had died two years before; our savings were being sucked up by fertility treatments. Ugh. I felt like I was twelve and my parents were getting divorced again, only immeasurably, cosmically worse times a thousand.

How completely you have described that feeling, of not wanting to have to try again, and not wanting anyone else to even have to share your pain, just so, so wishing it didn't exist. Thanks for being talented enough to give voice to feelings I still don't understand and have locked away- they leak out once in a while, and this is the first expression I've found that said to me yes, see? This is what it is. How it is.

I am completely convinced not only of *your* mental health, but of your apparent utility in helping the rest of us with ours:) Thank you.

November 8, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKaren Hawkins

Congratulations on Babble Top 50.

How wonderful.

Of course, I"m not surprised.

You've been cracking me up ever since I saw you on the talk show about Mommy bloggers and I ran and got a notebook and wrote your name down, "Alice Bradley" and googled you and followed you to your blog and have been here ever since.

I think you're fabulous.

November 9, 2010 | Unregistered Commenteralexandra

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November 9, 2010 | Unregistered Commenteranand

This:
"I know all the reasons I should be grateful, but if you try to remind me of even one of them, I will punch you right in your head."

is quite possibly the most beautiful sentence you have ever written; and you have written a LOT of sentences. It is a perfect definition of grief.

November 9, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterRLJ

I've been lurking and reading since before this actually happened, way back in 2008, and I remember the original post and thinking, wow, that sucks, I feel so bad for you. But then, I didn't know what to say. Then, last week, at nine weeks pregnant, I had pretty much the same experience at the OBGYN, and the same questions ran through my brain (was it the fall I took in karate that one day? Was it too much fish oil? Was it because I didn't eat my spinach?). I'm glad you reposted this essay, because it's helping me articulate what I can't, and why I had a sudden sobbing attack on Sunday, three days after the dreaded D&C. Because I can't look at pictures of friends' babies on Facebook. And because I can't walk anywhere near *those* aisles at Target. Because now I know what to say to you, and I wish I didn't, that either of us didn't, and how happily I'd take that road now.

So, thank you. From a non-angry reader who loves you and your writing in every mood and appreciates you for the talented writer that you are. And who reread Henry's birth story, just because it is the Best. Birthstory. Ever.

November 9, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKara

Oh, Kara, I'm so sorry. And thank you so much for your sweet words.

November 9, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAlice

Alice, I am a relatively new reader of your blog (found you via Momversation) and I just read your essay. I don't know if I can properly express my awe and respect for your ability to convey this very complicated, very difficult, very overwhelming experience in such clarity and depth. I am very sorry for your loss and I hope you found some comfort in writing it and now in the many grateful readers who will write to you about it. So many women experience this, and each experience is different, but you manage to write about it in a way that is both universal and deeply personal. I lost a pregnancy very, very early -- technically, it was a "chemical pregnancy" -- on my 3rd IVF and it was devastating in all the ways you describe. As fate would have it, my 4th (and final) IVF resulted in a successful twin pregnancy. But I remember that loss like it was yesterday. Reading your essay reminded me of that moment, in a good way. It's comforting to know that you are not alone, even in your very private grief. Thank you for sharing your life with us.

November 9, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLeslie

Your piece on miscarriage is one of the most shattering, most perfect portraits of grief I've ever read. I feel like it's an incredibly necessary piece; it will help people feel and understand and cope, whether they have experienced this singular kind of loss, or whether they just love someone who has.

Congratulations on the Pushcart nomination; it was well-deserved even if the baby-haters didn't have the sense to choose you as the winner.

November 9, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLawyerish

I've been reading your website and your other works for a long time, and I think you are an amazing writer, both funny and eloquent at the same time and often in the same sentence. I just loved that essay. Loved it. Thank you.

November 9, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKayemgi

That essay is amazing. You're amazing. I have a lump in my throat the size of a small planet.

And I'm knocking at your apartment window in my jet pack. In a totally scary stalkerish way. Be afraid.

November 9, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLumpy badger

A beautiful essay I'm so sorry you had to write. But I'm glad you did.

November 10, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAsha {Parent Hacks}

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Last year I had a very difficult miscarriage, and I wrote about it too. When I found your "18 Attempts" essay, I just thought you captured the essence of the experience perfectly. I had that same "gone down the wrong road" feeling until my baby's due date. Miscarriage is such a lonely experience - I feel like it makes it even more important to write honestly and openly about it. And even though I've now had another successful pregnancy & have a newborn snoozing in my bed as I write this, I still have a copy of your essay sitting right here in front of me.

November 11, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterrebecca

God isn't that the worst when your reminded of the crap you couldn't accomplish? Umm no.. as a matter of fact I fell off the P90X wagon one week after I started and declared it on Facbook. And yes now you are shaming me in front of my 400 friends. Thanks dude...thanks alot. Now wheres the friggin' candy!?! ~Kelley

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Dear funniest blogger in the world: I didn't have a miscarriage but I did have an ectopic pregnancy which is kinda, sorta the same. We refer to this child as "the MacDonald who wasn't". I eventually had my son who would not have existed if I hadn't had the ectopic thingie. What's my point? Sometimes the biggest heartaches turn into an even bigger gift. Only time, and perspective will tell. Good luck.

November 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLynn MacDonald

Great essay. Very funny and moving. Loved the ending.

November 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterShereen

I'm a lurker but I had to come out and tell you how much I loved your essay. I have had 10 pregnancies but only carried 4 of them to term. I know I could never been able to put those feelings into words as well as you did. I now have 5 wonderful kids. (one set of twins)

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