It takes him longer to catch up, before he's had his morning coffee.

"Charlie has no water in his water bowl."

"Dogs don't need water to live."

"No, they need beer, is that what you think, Scott? You would probably give him beer."

"…"

"Hey, you know what I think? I think we should make a special kind of dog beer. Think about it! Dog beer! So you'd never have to drink alone!"

"Why not just give them regular beer?"

"You'd want to make a special kind, with a lower alcohol content, so your dog would only be loveably tipsy."

"But what if your dog drank too much of it? He'd still get drunk."

"No, it would be a magical beer that keep him only mildly buzzed."

"How is that possible? How do you keep blood alcohol at one level like that?"

"I'm really glad you're arguing these points with me, because I AM COMPLETELY SERIOUS."

"Look, I'm just trying to help you, here. You're a better writer than you are a beer maker, all right? DO NOT MAKE DOG BEER."

Comments

[gabrielle]

Hey! That's an excellent idea. There is a company that already makes dog beer, but it's only 'near beer'. I think my dog would prefer a higher octane version herself. (Much like her owner.)

http://www.beerfordogs.com/

p.s. Love your blog. I hardly ever comment, but I always look forward to new posts. Keep up the good work!

[alice]

There's ALREADY a dog beer? MY DREAM HAS BEEN DESTROYED.

[Pete Dunn]

How about a beer made OF dogs not FOR dogs...

I'll have to give that one a try...

[slouching mom]

already a dog beer?

shite, is there nothing new in the world? nothing that remains to be thought up?

[braine]

Could a person -- completely hypothetically, of course -- die from drinking this "dog" beer? What I want to ask is, suppose you drank a -- let's just say -- a whole case of this dog beer, on a bet, because a guy named Allen wouldn't shut his trap about how you couldn't do it, could you, you know, die?

[saucygrrl]

Bummer. Things like that happen to me all the time. I'm so sorry you feel destroyed. Look at it this way... um, it's healthy to have a competitive market?

[alice]

Okay, but that dog beer is non-alcoholic, which we all know is utterly beside the point, right? We want a buddy to get drunk along WITH us. The dream, she still can live!

[You can call me, 'Sir']

I just want to thank you, Alice. For years I've walked the planet searching for something more pointless than non-alcoholic beer and now, thanks to this post, I've finally found it. Non-alcoholic beer for dogs. If the intellectual dynamos that came up with this stellar concept were sitting next to me right now, I would take off my shoe and beat them with it until they were dead. Not even violent death at the hands of a shoe-wielding madman would be as pointless as non-alcoholic beer for dogs.

[TheQueen]

I think this is a viable idea. However, I don't think the intoxicant should be beer. It should be toad skin, or whatever it is that gets dogs high when they lick toads.http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=6376594

[EvilScienceChick]

Not only can you give your dog special dog beer, but there is a SPECIAL FANCY GLASS they can drink it out of!

http://www.alice-wang.com/wineglass.html

OK, it's for wine. but you could put beer in it.

(Hi! Delurked for that amazing contribution!)

[aimee/greeblemonkey]

Here's the great thing about Finslippy. I get the BEST ideas for presents for friends.

[Matthew M. F. Miller]

I think my Marcy is more of pear cider kind of girl - but I'm pretty sure I should keep her nose firmly rooted in the water dish.

It's kind of like giving kids juice for the first time - I'd never get her to drink water ever again.

[anne nahm]

Its like that dog-people-age math equation: 1 person beer equals 7 dog beers. Most people don't know that near-beer is the Mickey 40 ounce of the dog world. Wine spritzer? Like shots of dog jack.

And somewhere in there is the next morning story with the hair of the dog that bit your dog.

[Melanie]

If I had a dog, I'd buy him dog beer. Everybody should get to enjoy beer!

[Deb Abramson]

"shite, is there nothing new in the world? nothing that remains to be thought up?"

um, beer for cats?

[Karianna]

Hey, I'd drink any beer that would keep me at the "lovably tipsy" stage at all times. That and negative calories.

[Belinda]

Gabrielle beat me to it, DANGIT! Because I was dying to tell you all about "Happy Tail Ale."

Shoot.

[mathew]

yeah, i just came in to comment that there's already dog beer, but now that bubble is burst. oh well.

if you're looking for other doggy treats, there is doggy ice cream out there.

[Michele]

"But what if your dog drank too much of it? He'd still get drunk."

Obviously, a dog (alone) would not be able to drink too much dog beer, because he or she would not be able to open the cans/bottles by themselves.

[LetterB]

I find this very interesting since I would swear O'Douls is made for dogs. They can't be taste-testing that stuff with people. Wait, is the dog near-beer cheaper than human near-beer? Maybe I'll order a case.

[Therese]

My son actually does give our dog a little beer. He usually just pours it onto the deck, and dog just licks and licks and licks until you think there will be a hole there when he's done. We actually find it quite amusing when dog stands there drooling when we are enjoying beverages.

[Jake]

Beer is proof that there is a god and he thinks it's funny if it looks like you're drinking potty.

[Braine]

Deb, my cat pukes quite enough on her own.

[princess banter]

Dog beer -- I can totally come up with a thousand slogans for that from the top of my head. Haha!

[Jack's Raging Mommy]

I used to have five male roommates. I've seen dogs drink beer. And Mad Dog 20/20. And inhale pot smoke...