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Let's Panic: The Book!

Order your copy today!

How to Endure and Possibly Triumph Over the Adorable Tyrant
who Will Ruin Your Body, Destroy Your Life, Liquefy Your Brain,
and Finally Turn You
into a Worthwhile
Human Being.

Written by Alice Bradley and Eden Kennedy

Some Books
I'm In...

Sleep Is
For The Weak

Chicago Review Press

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Let's Panic

The site that inspired the book!

At LET'S PANIC ABOUT BABIES, Eden Kennedy and I share our hard-won wisdom and tell you exactly what to think and feel and do, whether you're about to have a baby or already did and don't know what to do with it. → 

« Because maybe we need more junk. | Main | Because Peter O’Toole isn’t mocked enough. »

It begins.

Henry: I have to tell you something. My best friend William French [not his real name—Eds.] had a cold today.

Me: So he wasn’t in school?

Henry: No. I just said that.

Henry: Actually, I was just kidding. About the cold. I was kidding! Do you know what really happened?

Me: No, but you’re going to tell me, aren’t—

Henry: I have to tell you something. So. Today we went to see Star Wars at the movie theatre.

Me: You went to see Star Wars.

Henry: We went to the movie theatre to see Star Wars. And on the way out William French hit! A! Pole! Like a wooden pole. He hit it.

Me: How did you get to this theatre?

Henry: We all got into a giant, monster size Toy Yoda. We went to see Star Wars, and on the way out William French saw a big wooden pole and he hit it with his hand, like a karate chop with his hand, and he broke it! He went hi-YAAA and broke it all in half.

Me: This story keeps getting better and better.

Henry: And now I have to tell you the very scary part. He had a Big. Wooden. Piece. Stuck in his hand. And the nurse had to take it out.

Me: The nurse at the movie theatre?

Henry No, the teacher who is also a nurse. She had to pull it out of his hand with giant tweezers. And he shouted, AAAH! But then it was all right. His hand was just fine!

Me: Wow.

Henry: You know what? I was kidding! William French just had a cold.

Me: That was a good story!

Henry (whispering): Actually I’m kidding about the cold. Everything else was real.

Reader Comments (39)

I like the part when they say 'and...and...' while their glance slides off to their right. Yup, I'm buying this one.
October 17, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterGillian
I love all your funny conversations with your little ones. They remind me of mine with my son.

Keep enjoying them for you'll never know when it'll end.

And, I think he might be a writer, one day.
Four is coming soon for us. I am SO screwed...
October 18, 2006 | Unregistered Commenternate
Oh that's cute! He must get his creative genius from you, Alice! :)
October 18, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterDana
Funny. So cute. I love it when kids do that. The other day C cried when I dropped him at day care. He does this preiodically. What's so funny about this is later I was recounting the drop off to my hubby and C was listening and he said, "Yeah I cried, 'wah wah mommy mommy come back'" included the hand motions of crying (hands by eye) and recounted to us in a fake voice. I fell off the chair it was so funny and the fact that he had never done it before. He is 2!
October 18, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterLaurie
Toy Yoda. LOL.
October 18, 2006 | Unregistered Commenterdeborah
My 5-year-old will do the same thing, except his catch phrase is, "I'm just jokin' ya!"

My problem is when he will tell a perfectly plausible story, only to follow up with that. Makes me wonder if he's testing to see just how much wool he can pull over my eyes....
October 18, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterJessica

When's he getting a blog, again?
October 18, 2006 | Unregistered Commenters@bd
you know why the star wars story? because the child is wise enough to know that colds are boring and not the stuff of good story telling. smart boy, that.
October 18, 2006 | Unregistered Commenterhonestyrain
REALLY cute kid.

At least your stories are interesting. I get "Know what? ... Know what? ... Know what? ... AND THEN!! ... AND THEN!!"
October 18, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterDamomma
My daughter tells the same kind of stories. And when she's doing the dramatic period-after-every-word parts, she looks around like she's gauging the reaction of some imaginary audience (which is usually just me, but she looks around anyway).

I love this! Thanks for the chuckle.
October 18, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterDajamama
Hilarious. This so reminds me of Eddie Izzard in his Dress to Kill tour. Anyone seen this? My favorite bit is when he tries to convince the audience Englebert Humperdink was killed in a car accident. Long complicated story that ends up with him alternatingly nodding and shaking his head, confusing the audience completely, and finally saying "no, no, I think it was just a cold!"

October 19, 2006 | Unregistered Commentermika
With an imagination like that, you should get him a book deal sorted for him, now!
October 20, 2006 | Unregistered Commenterangelfeet
I think that is my new favorite kid story ever.
October 26, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterWacky Mommy

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