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Let's Panic: The Book!

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How to Endure and Possibly Triumph Over the Adorable Tyrant
who Will Ruin Your Body, Destroy Your Life, Liquefy Your Brain,
and Finally Turn You
into a Worthwhile
Human Being.

Written by Alice Bradley and Eden Kennedy

Some Books
I'm In...

Sleep Is
For The Weak

Chicago Review Press

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Let's Panic

The site that inspired the book!

At LET'S PANIC ABOUT BABIES, Eden Kennedy and I share our hard-won wisdom and tell you exactly what to think and feel and do, whether you're about to have a baby or already did and don't know what to do with it.

Lets-Panic.com → 

« With one joke, my day is shot to hell. | Main | I'm cracking down because you told me to. »
Thursday
Jan042007

Is it the future already?

Well! Where were we?

Hello, there! Hey! It’s been two weeks since my last post, but 2007 will be all about me not apologizing for everything, so here I am, not apologizing. Je ne regrette rien. I’m like Edith Piaf, except in the countless number of ways I am nothing like Edith Piaf.

Coincidentally, this is the first day Henry has returned to school since the 20th, which was the last time I wrote anything more than a sentence fragment. A lovely break it was, for all concerned. I won’t deny that I had my moments when I longed for delicious freedom, and maybe a minute or two of tasty silence, but all in all my kid has been excellent company. I shall keep him, after all.

As we always do, we celebrated Christmas with my family. (It really comes in handy around the holidays to have a Jewish spouse. I recommend it.) Before the holidays each member of my family called to grill me on Henry’s deepest, most intense desires for Christmas. I told my sister that about some educational, worthy items he would doubtless enjoy in the coming months. There was silence on the other end. “Yeah, we don’t give a crap about that,” she said. “Dominick [my brother-in-law] just wants to get him the one gift that’s going to make him flip out.” Then my mom called to announce that she also wished to work my son up into a hysterical froth. The competition was on.

In the end, he was pretty even-keeled about all the gifts; the light sabers (TWO OF THEM. And they light up!) from my sister and brother-in-law were met with more enthusiasm than my Human Body Encyclopedia, but guess what he spent the week reading? Not the light sabers! He was too busy running around outside whacking trees with those! He received a pocket watch from my mom, which he has enjoyed far more than I believed possible. (Ask him what time it is, and he’ll pull the watch from his pocket, peer into it, and announce, “It’s 20.” Leave it to him to announce the one time that it never is.) And oh my word, the Transformers. So many Transformers. Transformers that I have to transform while Henry lovingly thwaps my skull with his dual light sabers.

Maybe all the head trauma is why it required more brain power than I alone possessed to write my last Wonderland post of 2006. I enlisted Eden’s help, because she’s funny and smart and good, and also because I was so out of practice stringing words together, I needed someone else nudging me along. Reminding me to add punctuation, and so forth.

What else? New Year’s was spent with our best friends, whom we conned into leaving the city and staying over at our place. Suckers! We made linguine with clam sauce and then spent the evening geeking out on YouTube. Watching things like "Saints Row Bugs: The Musical." We are a thrilling group. At least we managed to stay awake until midnight. That’s something, isn’t it? Hello?

And now here I am. It’s 2007, and I’m still not living on Mars. This future is nothing like I thought it would be, and yet it’s so much better.

Reader Comments (29)

I don't know why it didn't occur to me that it was military time. I'm such a civilian. And an American.
January 5, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterAlice
Mostly I lurk. However am stirred by your statement about Jewish husbands making things easier at Christmas to add this, I had a Jewish husband once. His - Jewish - family LOVED Christmas. And how. His- Jewish- mother did all the work for it when I first met him. Then she got sick - and guess who had the responsibility landed on them? Any attempt to duck out got - 'but it might be mum's last Christmas....' Mum, I might say, went on having 'her last Christmas' for 9 years...' Sounds like you were much luckier. Good.
January 6, 2007 | Unregistered Commentergrannyp
Right there with you on the jewish spouse bit!
January 6, 2007 | Unregistered Commentersparklykatt
I distinctly remember doodling in the margins of my notebook during 11th grade English and being struck dumb at the sudden realization that I would be (gasp!) 34 at the start of the new millenium. 7 years later, and hello? I'm still waiting for my flying car, here!
January 7, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterVelma

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