In which I use the word "cool" entirely too much.
April 17, 2006It seems that we purchased a house today. Unfortunately I’ve changed my mind. I would like to stay in Brooklyn, please. Do you think the buyer of our apartment will let us stay? Maybe we can talk her into taking the New Jersey place.
My last-minute panic is based on nothing reasonable, except that where we live is cool, and where we will live, while probably cool in infinite ways, is not as cool. Period. We will never be this cool again. And we weren’t all that cool to begin with. You may think, reading this, that I have long placed my coolness in high esteem, but in fact I have never bothered much with the coolness. I didn’t have to, because I live here. Not that I even got much pleasure out of the cool things here. I can’t afford them, and even if I could, I’m too old. And I spend my time with a preschooler whose idea of fun is playing air accordion while blasting Led Zeppelin. Actually I don’t disagree with him. Even if I had never had a child I would probably be doing that. In my underwear, probably. And not the hot kind of underwear, oh no. I’m talking Jockey For Her Hipsters with sagging elastic because I still own panties that my mother purchased for me in 1985.
Oh my god, what am I talking about? Do you see what this has done to me? I am weak with panic. What the hell was I thinking? I’m going to have to drive places. And my god, I’ve just made my holiday shopping a million times more complicated. In Brooklyn we are steps away from so many damn clever shops that are so crammed with hip whimsy that it can give you a migraine if you take it all in at once. In New Jersey we will be steps away from a KFC, a Dunkin’ Donuts, and a CVS. And I don’t think my mom wants a six pack of Crispy Nuggets for her birthday. I could be wrong about this.
But a person cannot live in a neighborhood just because of the cute shops, right? Right? They can’t, right? Oh god, what have I done?
It’s not just the coolness and the cute shops and the friends who will never move to Jersey and I see them every week and what was I THINKING. Crap, it’s everything. I can’t believe we can’t afford to live here anymore. I’ve lived here for fifteen years. Almost every day, I walk out of our house and I run into someone I know and love. Or someone I know and don’t like very much. Either way. I can’t believe I’m moving to the suburbs. I think I might throw up. I know I need to get over myself. I do. And I’m sure I will. Maybe in a year or two.
Reader Comments (111)
I still dress mostly in black. (OK, mostly black with some inappropriately brightly colored shoes.) I still receive compliments on my funky eyeglasses. I still have trouble making eye contact with store clerks. But now I do all that in the suburbs! And here's the big secret...there are more of us "I used to be cool" people out here than you would think. You will find some kindred souls, and Henry? He will have a backyard of his very own.
It's going to be great, and you are not moving to the armpit of the universe in a giant cultural void.
Breathe in, breathe out. Again. Again.
We have decided to give up the homesteading dream and move back into a small city asap, because there are no people out here to talk to. Things change, and people change, and we just have to find a way to stay in the flow and not make ourselves crazy with second guessing.
Best wishes.
Several months ago I was getting a manicure at (gulp) the mall and I started overhearing a conversation next to me. The accent was unmistakable. I turned to see Carmela Soprano incarnate who was apparently in town visiting relatives. I've never been so happy to see a little bit of Jersey.
You lucky girl, you get a LOT of Jersey and a short ride/drive back to Bklyn. You'll do it. You'll visit, often. And very slowly, you'll realize you are relieved to get back to Jerz. Best of luck. It's tough at first, but the positives win in the end.
But then, I didn't move from the city to the suburbs, I moved from the suburbs to Costa Rica. You should SEE the house you could afford down here.
You give things up, you get other things. It's scary when you're looking right at the things you'll be giving up, but you only have a general idea of what you're going to get, so all you can do is imagine how all those things are going to turn out.
(And in case you're wondering, I happen to know they turn out great)
I'm so sorry that both you and your commenters can't find a nice thing to say about NJ. I was born and raised here and I'm moving in June to Madison, WI (where my husband was born and raised). I have to say: NJ is pretty damn cool. I mean, hey, where do all the fucking Bennies (I mean, New Yorkers) go for the summer when they need to go to the beach? They sure as hell don't go to Long Island; they go to Manasquan, Spring Lake, Point Pleasant, etc.
Indeed, there is a lot of lovely culture in NJ and yes, you might have to drive to it, but in the end it's still a wonderful state. Feel free to e-mail for some advice; I lived in the area to which you're moving for three years during graduate school.
And, from one mover to another: may your trip be filled with unbroken items and fair moving estimates.
At least, that's how it worked for me.
It's an elaborate plan, yes, but it might work.
I know very little about New Jersey apart from the fact that BON JOVI LIVES THERE! Aren't you just the tiniest bit excited that you might run into him at the grocery store?
Once you move into the new house, I predict you will love it. You are going to move at the exact right time of year, mid-spring when everything is blooming and green and fresh (and not yet oppressively humid - but when it gets like that, you have an easy drive to the shore, or a pool club to join). And there are no push-ins in Jersey, the crazy people are more spread out, and the chances of a car jumping the sidewalk are much, much less. All you need to do is have a guest room and your friends will come visit. And you can buy all of those awesome Brooklyn-y gifts online.
True, I hated growing up in NJ, but I was in a suburban wasteland with no "there" there (no actual downtown, nowhere to hang out except the K-Mart parking lot) and that's not the case where you'll be. You're going to love Jersey!
But I meant this to be encouraging! There's the clean air, the quiet, the, uh, driving. Speaking of which, I just read an article that scared the bejesus out of me, saying that gas will cost $7 a gallon by 2010.
Sorry - I'm trying here. It'll be good. Some things you'll miss, but I think you made the right decision.
Still, no one steals my stroller here. I've yet to be pickpocketed. And I don't live on the 4th floor in a building with no elevator. And there's grass!
I don't think there's ever a good answer to this dilemma.
Cool is in the inside. You don't use all the things you suddenly think you are going to miss. And a huge lesson I learned some years back is that no, I didn't need to wear Doc Martens everyday including in the heat of summer to be cool. So now I wear vans sneakers. And even colors. And I realize that frankly, I am cooler than ever.
Break free of the hipster doofus confines! Have a house with space! Don't pay rent anymore! Cool is within!
P.S. Buying a house requires you to feel like you are going to puke. They don't disclose it, but it's true.
My husband and impending baby and I are going to be making an analogous mini-move within Seattle in the next year. We'll be moving from our super-groovy, centrally-located Pink House (capitalized there because it's a sort of well-known, beloved house among our artsy circle) to a neighborhood that's Seattle's equivalent to New Jersey*. We're ditching the busy street and tiny house so we can have some grass and room. And, apparently, be nearer to all the car dealerships and strip clubs and Thai restaurants with names like Thai-One-On. Mmm-hmm.
*with apologies to Jersey-ites. Just using it as shorthand. I'm sure your state is thoroughly bad-ass.
I think you and I are about the same age, and that, thankfully, I think is the age where whatever cool you've gathered has deposited itself permanently inside, and can't be further augmented by Neighborhood Coolness. I would further argue that as time goes on, it becomes less cool to worry about coolness, which for me is a relief. It's like that Zen and the Art of Archery, aiming-not aiming thing, if that makes any sense.
My point is, you're plenty cool and all will be well and grass is beautiful and others were totally on target about the internet for whimsical shopping.
I hope that when you get there, it quickly feels great. And I personally would take doughnuts as a gift any day.
Life doesn't end in the suburbs - it just changes. If you're near the Bloomfield, Clifton, Nutley, Montclair, Glen Ridge area give me a shout - we're in that area and I'd love to fill you in on fun places to go/see.