In which I use the word "cool" entirely too much.

It seems that we purchased a house today. Unfortunately I’ve changed my mind. I would like to stay in Brooklyn, please. Do you think the buyer of our apartment will let us stay? Maybe we can talk her into taking the New Jersey place.

My last-minute panic is based on nothing reasonable, except that where we live is cool, and where we will live, while probably cool in infinite ways, is not as cool. Period. We will never be this cool again. And we weren’t all that cool to begin with. You may think, reading this, that I have long placed my coolness in high esteem, but in fact I have never bothered much with the coolness. I didn’t have to, because I live here. Not that I even got much pleasure out of the cool things here. I can’t afford them, and even if I could, I’m too old. And I spend my time with a preschooler whose idea of fun is playing air accordion while blasting Led Zeppelin. Actually I don’t disagree with him. Even if I had never had a child I would probably be doing that. In my underwear, probably. And not the hot kind of underwear, oh no. I’m talking Jockey For Her Hipsters with sagging elastic because I still own panties that my mother purchased for me in 1985.

Oh my god, what am I talking about? Do you see what this has done to me? I am weak with panic. What the hell was I thinking? I’m going to have to drive places. And my god, I’ve just made my holiday shopping a million times more complicated. In Brooklyn we are steps away from so many damn clever shops that are so crammed with hip whimsy that it can give you a migraine if you take it all in at once. In New Jersey we will be steps away from a KFC, a Dunkin’ Donuts, and a CVS. And I don’t think my mom wants a six pack of Crispy Nuggets for her birthday. I could be wrong about this.

But a person cannot live in a neighborhood just because of the cute shops, right? Right? They can’t, right? Oh god, what have I done?

It’s not just the coolness and the cute shops and the friends who will never move to Jersey and I see them every week and what was I THINKING. Crap, it’s everything. I can’t believe we can’t afford to live here anymore. I’ve lived here for fifteen years. Almost every day, I walk out of our house and I run into someone I know and love. Or someone I know and don’t like very much. Either way. I can’t believe I’m moving to the suburbs. I think I might throw up. I know I need to get over myself. I do. And I’m sure I will. Maybe in a year or two.

Comments

[Becky]

I know what you mean about changing your mind. We're in the process of moving away from my family (again) to go back to Texas. Before we made the decision and got the ok with my husband's company to move, all I could think about was getting the hell out of here. As soon as the move became official, I got that barfy feeling. All the things we're losing!

Moving is the best decision for us. I know that. I still want to puke.

Good luck!

[AlissaE]

congratulations! make ya wanna puke, eh? i can see that. we're on the verge of buying our first house and I'm nauseated. And we haven't even plunked down a single penny.

[Paige]

Actually, this probably won't help, but...I'm with you. Living in the city is Way Cooler than living in the 'Burbs. And I should know. I've done both. We're outside DC in Virginia (which really doesn't suck) but I melt with envy every time we head to The District. Back to The 'Burbs, though, the kids really seem to like it here with the bike-riding and street-playing and all the grass...

[dirkey]

don't worry Jersey will get better! You can always jump on a train and get into the city!!!

[iheartnewyork]

Deep breaths. It will be okay. My friend moved from Brooklyn to Westchester County, NY after 20+ years in Brooklyn. She's okay! Really! Enjoying it even.

[iheartnewyork]

Oh -- and her 8 y.o. daughter is LOVING it. So there's that.

[sweetney]

sweets, that house is AWESOME. you will love it, and you'll make new neighborhoody-type friends, and you'll be happy. I DEMAND IT.

no but seriously, don't make me come over there.

[Vaguely Urban]

I lived in New York, and now I don't, because it's too damn expensive to have a decent life there. My retreat was a little more extreme than yours... I'm in Los Angeles now.

BUT! I go back to NY several times a year, and I'm here to tell you that it is a GREAT city to visit once you've lived there. You still know the places you want to go (and the fastest way to get there), and the irritating, crowded stinkiness doesn't get to you because you know you are leaving soon.

Doesn't that sound cool?

[Minnams]

I moved from Manhattan to the Pennsylvania suburbs nine years ago. I now get invited to Pampered Chef and Tastefully Simple and CABI Clothing parties, thrown by my female neighbors. Has someone told you about the Bunco parties yet? And the gendered socializing, where I'm somehow not supposed to join the neighborhood men's poker game? And yet: it's restful being able to let your kids gambol around outside, in all that fresh air and green space. It's nice having extra bathrooms. It's good to have a free place to park your car, all the time. You learn to let go of cool, even though you never stop missing it.

[clickmom]

Just dress head to toe in black and every one in the burbs will understand where you are coming from. Remember, you are not alone, many of us city dwelling too cool for words moms have made the transition and lived to tell, me included.

Hi, I'm clickmom, and I'm a city girl.

Seek out the like minded and together you can head off for days in the city. It keeps you going. And it's only a car ride away!

[Sue]

What you have right now has a name. Realtors all know the affliction. It's called Buyer's Remorse. There is no pill for it, only time, and with a drastic move it may take more time than you want it to take. But if "cool" = living a lifestyle that causes perpetual financial anxiety, then embrace dorkiness. Because an affordable lifestyle is a good thing, even when it hurts to get there. I know this. BTDT and came out on the other side feeling better--even after spending way to much time lying on my back counting bumps on the stucko ceiling and asking myself, WTF have we done?

[meredith]

I disagree with Sue. You will be ok. Once you are in, and have made it yours, everything will fall into place. You can miss where you were, but you will learn to love where you are. I am a city girl, relocated to the burbs. While I do wonder where my cool went, I have fresh air and parking and GRASS!

[E]

I think you just described the holy triumvirate of my suburban life...KFC, Dunkin Donuts and CVS. There are worse fates to have.

Honestly, the first time that I walked into the CVS here (after moving from Manhattan) I cried tears of joy because it was so clean and the cashiers were not fighting with each other.

It's not so bad, trust me. The supermarkets in the suburbs are super clean and spacious, and will quickly make you forget all of those quirky, fun stores. I still shudder thinking of the grime that permeated my old neighborhood Key Food. Ugh.

[DM]

I wish I had great advice to give you but I've never bought a home. I can tell you that living in the city is great but I love going to visit my sister in the suburbs in the house we grew up in and watch my nephew run around the yard and play. Plus, I have great memories of playing outside all summer. Living downtown Saint Paul, I rarely go outside except to go to work. Okay, that might have something to do with the fact that I hate sunlight but that's not the point.

It's a big purchase. It stands to reason that you would freak out a little. Things will get better. And I'm sure your mom would love the crispy nuggets.

[Melissa]

All I can think right now is "you have 19 year old UNDERWEAR??"

[Melissa]

Sorry, 21 year old underwear. I'm not so good with the math.

[Tamar]

Would it make you feel better to know that you'll also be steps away from an extremely tasty and fairly authentic Thai restaurant (Brookside Thai) and a fun, homey Mexican restaurant (Senorita's) and some great homemade ice cream (Applegate Farm) (okay, that one's closer to me) and, oh, lots of other, yes, cool places that are not KFC? Not to mention so very many trees with such awesomely pretty blossoms. Cherry and crabapple and forsythia (okay, that's a bush, so sue me). I'm kind of in love with spring in the suburbs at the moment.

Freakout and fear? Totally understandable. But I've been informed that a modicum of cool is transferable to life in Jersey. Email me. I'll give you a tour.

[Weeze]

You can always come back later. Just make sure to move back to our block.

[la_depressionada]

if you think cool has anything to do with what you can buy you never had a prayer.

[jonniker]

Oh it is so going to be okay. And it's going to take a while, really, but it's going to be okay. Just give yourself time to be not okay when you get Every area I've ever moved from takes on a mysteriously stunning golden glow after I make the final decision to leave.

It's going to be okay.

[jonniker]

I meant to say just give yourself time to be un-okay if you feel it when you get there, but I had trigger finger. And if you love it, that's great, but if you don't, and you freak, give yourself a break.

Because it's going to be okay.

I'm only speaking from my own freakishly weird experiences, which may or may not be yours.

[Sandee]

I see your old friend la_d is back and as nice as ever. Don't worry, you'll be fine...great in fact. Buy yourself some new undies. The people in the burbs will love your coolness.

[s@bd]

Breathe in.Breathe out.

Breathe in.Breathe out.

(see? lamaze is good for something after all)

[Jem]

It'll get better. I've lived in the suburbs all my life, and I am a little cool! Well, not really, but I know some people who are from the suburbs, and THEY are cool!

[alice]

La_d, please go to hell. That's not what I'm saying and you know it.