I'm cracking down because you told me to.

Last night: Chicken cutlets, steamed broccoli with lemon, whole-wheat couscous.

Result: couscous tasted and vehemently rejected; other foods refused.

Interesting factoid: Couscous can settle into nooks and crannies of your dining room faster than you can say STOP SPITTING IT ALL OVER THE PLACE. You'll find couscous nubbins everywhere the next day! And the bitter memories will resurface.

Tonight: Chicken-apple sausage, sauteed kale, mashed potatoes, butternut squash soup. (What can I say? I'm in a cooking mood. Also, the soup is most definitely not homemade. I'm not in that much of a cooking mood.)

Chances of him eating anything: the butternut squash soup used to be a contender, which is why I'm including it. Everything else? HA HA HA HA HA.

Pray for me.

UPDATE: Nothing. Nothing! He talked a great deal about the soup and how he was going to try it, but then demurred when I offered the slightest bit of encouragement. Luckily I didn't care so this didn't bother me one bit. (I am now stifling a scream.)

Comments

[Abbey]

Oh! I like the candle idea. Then they can't see all the little bits of undesirables in thier food. You know, things like spices.

[KarinGal]

My four-year-old son tried couscous once and asked me in all seriousness, "What's this called again? Ka-ka?"

And he's never even heard or used that word as potty talk, so he didn't know he was making a joke. I thought it was pretty fitting.

Keep on keeping on.

P.S. What IS it with the blueberries? They're like magical power pellets of happiness. The fact that they're healthy makes swallowing their hefty winter price tag only a little bit easier.

[chilihead]

De-lurking to quickly add my thoughts and say take 'em or leave 'em (b/c you're doing just fine on your own).

I have an 8yo and 6yo who are both picky eaters like their dad. I have tried for the last eight years to do dinner my husband's way: eat what you're given and eat it all. It doesn't work and it's a battle. I hate it.

Now we're trying it my way and things are getting better. I make a regular dinner (pork loin, veggies, etc.). I make my plate as usual. For their plates I only put a miniscule amount of each thing--like one green bean or one pea and a teeny bit of meat. Whatever is on the plate, though, must be eaten.

When they are finished, they can have more of whatever is on the table. They may choose to only have more meat or they may choose to have more of everything. The thing is, they are in control of what they eat more of, but the choices are healthy. If they don't eat what's on the table, they don't eat. They'll figure it out soon enough.

The first time I tried this the kids thought I was nuts. They couldn't believe I would give them so little food. When I explained it, I think they ate more that night than I would have normally put on their plates.

Back to lurker mode.

[Deliciously_naughty]

Good for you!

He won't starve. He will give in, I promise, and it will be a battle, but it's one worth fighting.

Keep in mind, you are the adult. The 4 year old is not in charge. Unless you want the 12 year old in charge, which is much less fun, believe me. (I teach that age group and I can always point to the kids who are in charge at home).

[Justin]

Sounds like it's going well. I have a brother who would not eat for days at a time, at least not enough so anybody noticed. Then he'd eat everything available. He also loved mashed potatos. I don't know if the two had anything to do with one another. They are all different those short people. Much like the big people.

[Ceej]

Fight the good fight FOR me,Alice. I'm too weak and spineless. I'm not as good a cook as you are, so I kind of don't blame my kids, BUT, everybody gets tired of that special meal thing eventually. Obviously, it's a nation-wide problem--you've got a ton of responses that prove that. I try not to fixate on it, but imagine how annoying it was on Thanksgiving to watch my 4 year old nephew chow down on brussel sprouts, while my 9 year old ate rolls and nibbled on the drumstick. The latter for the theatrical effect, I think. Stay the course!

[Rosetta]

Slate touched on this today, thought you might be interested:

http://www.slate.com/id/2155816/?nav=tap3

[javamama]

We don't make special for everyone, but if I know we're making something they reeeeallly don't like (and I have three relatively picky eaters and a picky husband) they can make their own peanut butter sandwich. That's it, the only option. And they have to make it themselves. Even a three year old can do that.

Keep on keepin' on, Alice.

[dorothy]

I don't know, Alice. I think everyone's advice is really good, but I know everyone had advice for me when the little angel woke up three times each night for anywhere from twenty minutes to two hours each. We tried everything they said, and then everything in all the books, and nothing worked. She.Grew.Out.Of.It.

So don't beat yourself up too much on this, okay?

[Dmom]

Keep at it, he will come around, just don't back down now that you've started it, stay strong!!!!!My daughter and I talk a lot about trying new things and one day we were talking about food. I told her that when she was a baby all she liked was mommies milk. Then one day she tried carrots, another day sweet potato, etc etc and she likes them all. Then I said that one day we let her try ice cream, "And think of what your life would be like if you hadn't have tried ice cream, you'd never know you love it!!!" It clicked with her and now she'll try anything! (Just a little assvice for you-Merry Christmas!!!){:o)

[Melanie]

How about I come to your house and eat that awesome-sounding dinner, and Henry comes to my house and eats mac'n'cheese with my family, since they're about as adventurous as he is?

[Mom101]

I can sympathize on the couscous front. Our 18 month old has taken a liking to it. The parents who clean up after her, however, have not. Nightmare. I mean, how much good is it doing for her when only about 6% of it actually ends up in her mouth?

[owlhaven]

Chilihead has a good point about teensy servings with the option for seconds of whatever they choose. I do this too. And some variety is good--it is nice to offer 3 or 4 different things at a meal... your menu sounds delish btw... He'll be fine, once he figures out you're not caving and playing short-order cook every meal....Mary, mom to 8

[Gina]

Okay, Julia Child - when I grow up I want to cook just like you. Oh wait. I'm older than you. Damn.

Hang in there, kid. Like every other phase in a growing child's life, TTSP.

[mtb]

I might have some insight into Henry's perspective because I was once the picky eater who might have to sit at the table until midnight. It is a power thing, and it gets to the point where the kid has no way to back down without losing face. I used to wish that I could eat the damn carrot and get credit for eating it without my parents making a big deal out of it -- so I would suggest not so much as lifting an eyebrow if Henry all of a sudden polishes off his entire dinner. Don't ask him what he wants, don't ask him to eat, don't tell him he should be eating, don't tell him he needs to eat to be healthy. If he asks, tell him what there is. Don't even tell him you like it. If he asks to eat something else, just tell him what dinner is.

I think I would've been very relieved to find that it was no longer an issue, that the power struggle surrounding it was just gone. I would guess that he's feeling stuck, and that even praise for trying new things feels like his capitulation is being rubbed in (even though you would be saying it out of relief).

And I agree with everyone else, he'll eat when he's hungry. If you slowly cut out his allowed foods, it might even get to the point where he doesn't even think about it when he sits down and looks at his plate.

One last thing -- will he eat chewable vitamins?

[alice]

Oh, MTB, that was what I was trying to do--not give a damn. But it's so hard when he's sitting there asking me, is it good? Will I like it? So I tried to neutrally explain what was in it--all ingredients he eats in other forms--but that clearly was seen as manipulation of some kind. Damn him!

Yes, he does eat chewable vitamins. He would eat them exclusively, which is why I hide them from sight.

[Susan]

If you just leave the couscous where it falls over night, it will dry out and you can vacuum it up fairly easily the next day.

Do NOT ask how I know that.

[nowinCali]

I guess you forgot your own best advice:Extra thumb means extra yum!

I still laugh about that one (not your pain i mean - just the joke).

[hms]

I read Bread and Jam for Frances to myself the other night to prepare for what's coming next (my boy turns 2 next month).

What time do you serve dinner again? I'll bring the wine.

[MontanaJen]

e dinner menu. He dislikes it so. Weirdo - how can you not like couscous? sheesh.

Anyway, I was thinking about my hardass parents and their philosophy (I commented on it last post), and I do

Like everyone else, I think you're doing a great job.

If it makes you feel any better, my husband still spits out couscous when it's on the dinner menu. He dislikes it so. Weirdo - how can you not like couscous? sheesh.

Anyway, I was thinking about my hardass parents and their philosophy (I commented on it last post), and I do recall the ONE nod to their children's food aversions was that I HATED HATED HATED red sauce on spaghetti.

Mom would make me my own plate with just the noodles without the sauce, and of course the green that came along with it.

That's pretty much it, though.

Nice mommy, mine.

[MontanaJen]

My comment turned weird. Ignore the first two pseudo-paragraphs.

Sorry.

[Leonie]

One of the comments reminded me of the book "Bread and Jam for Frances" by Russell and Lilian Hoban. Definitely a kid favourite if you haven't read it yet and it gives every parent a smirk of satisfaction when the inevitable happens and she starts eating everything.

[Lisa]

I have a six year old and a three year old, so I feel your pain. Two things I have tried that I offer for your consideration:

1) Though I usually only make one meal, I try to make one item that will be palatable to everyone. And, if I'm making chicken in peanut sauce or something equally horrifying, I'll cook it all together, then sneakily wash the sauce off a few pieces of chicken and serve them in a separate bowl. Voila! My theory is that they are getting a wee taste of the spice without it being too strong and that the plain-looking chicken doesn't trigger the automatic refusal we might otherwise often see. Sometimes they do surprise us and ask for the stuff with sauce, especially if we "run out" of the naked chicken.

2) Maybe less successful - I tried a "I don't care what you eat, but if you don't eat at least X amount, then you get no dessert. Your decision. No whining." Now as soon as we sit at the table, the six year old opens the negotiations over how much of everything he must eat to qualify for dessert. This is a tiresome result, and I'm not sure that it is achieving what I had hoped for... but he does end up eating some veg, and I'm sort of relying on that "100 tastes to appreciation" thing to see us through. Even if I have to negotiate every frigging one of those 100 tastes.

Big thanks for your writing from a regular lurker. Keep the faith!

Lisa

[Michelle]

Keep going. The chances of him actually starving himself to death are slim. So much of this is about control.

With my son, I play the "choice" card. I make dinner and then at the table we simply say things like, "It's your choice, Ben. You can eat if you want to." or "This is what we're eating tonight. You can choose to eat it, or you can choose to have nothing. You decide."

When we lay it out as a choice either way it tends to defuse the whole battle of wills thing.

Good luck and Vive le Broccoli!

[AEMom]

My son is 4 1/2 and I had the exact same problem. He was also constipated all the time. I did finally crack down about a year ago and a half ago -- sort of.I took a baby carrot and cut a small round circle off of it. I put it in front of him and told him that he would only get his supper once he ate it. After 10 minutes of bitching he wanted BUTTER to dunk it it. Fine. AND (parmesan) CHEESE after I gave him the butter. He ate it 10 minutes after that and then he got his supper. 1 week later I added another circle. I worked my way up to a whole carrot. Then I left the carrot whole! Then I added a microscopic piece of celery.Where are we now? 4 baby carrots, 3 bite pieces of celery and 2 bites of cucumber (with the seeds removed) every single day before supper with whatever the hell he wants to dunk it in. Then he gets his supper.If he doesn't finish his supper -- that's fine, but no treat from the Halloween bag.That's what I've done. Perhaps there are some ideas there that can work for you. I feel your pain Alice, I feel it a lot. Happy Holidays to you!