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Let's Panic: The Book!

Order your copy today!

How to Endure and Possibly Triumph Over the Adorable Tyrant
who Will Ruin Your Body, Destroy Your Life, Liquefy Your Brain,
and Finally Turn You
into a Worthwhile
Human Being.

Written by Alice Bradley and Eden Kennedy

Some Books
I'm In...

Sleep Is
For The Weak

Chicago Review Press

Home - Middle Row

Let's Panic

The site that inspired the book!

At LET'S PANIC ABOUT BABIES, Eden Kennedy and I share our hard-won wisdom and tell you exactly what to think and feel and do, whether you're about to have a baby or already did and don't know what to do with it. → 

« Rotten fruit from a pretty tree. | Main | The light at the end of the Crazy Tunnel. »

If you’re trying to make me cry, son, you’ve picked a good week for it.


Henry: Do you want to see my happy dance?

Me: Lay it on me, boy!

He holds up one arm like he’s Dracula hiding behind his cape, and then waves the other hand in the air, like he’s Dracula trying to get someone’s attention. At the same time, he sticks his tongue out and rolls his eyes comically, gets up on his toes, and twirls around and around and around. It is, for lack of a better word, spazzy. I clap and clap. Finally he slows down and then stops, panting.

Me: Don’t stop now!

Henry (shrugging): That’s all I have. I have no more dance left.


Henry (eyes filled with tears): My Stormtrooper is lost.

Me (rummaging through one of 10,000 piles): I know it's here somewhere.

Henry (lower lip quivering): No. It’s gone. And there will be no Christmas.

Me: No Christmas? Don’t say it!

Henry (voice cracking): And Santa won’t come. And there will be no presents.

Me (also beginning to choke up): But why?

Henry (casually): Because it’s not time yet.

Reader Comments (32)

Man, I'd love to get Henry, Julia's Patrick, and my Big Child together for a "Blog Kids" play date. The things the three of them would come up with...
November 9, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterMFA Mama
You crack my shit Dracula trying to get someone's attention!? And, But why? Gah...I'm lying dead on the floor from the funnies.
November 9, 2005 | Unregistered Commenterreenie
Kids are so much deeper,and full of wonderful spontanaity than us boring adults.
November 9, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterCandice
Did he say "Psych!" afterwards? Perhaps you will have to explain to him that he shouldn't play with Mommy's mind whilst Mommy is withdrawing from psychotropic medication...
November 10, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterAlexa
I thought of Henry today when a little boy left his Darth Vader action figure at Wendy's. His mom came back frantic, saying that the child was sobbing. Fortunately, we had put Vader in a safe place, and he was returned to the relieved little boy.

November 10, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterPersephone Basilissa
Thank god nobody was in the office! That made me laugh like a lunatic!! My daughter told me the other day that she doesn't trust Santa because all that crap she got last year!?!?!? She didn't ask for that... in fact, she "didn't even know it was available". Every time we see a toy aisle we search for new Littlest Pet Shop Pets and yet all the ones she got last Christmas have caused her to distrust Santa. I give up! Henry is TOO FUNNY!! Get that kid a band and take him on the road!
November 11, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterMisty
(recently found your blog via dooce and am now stalking your backentries)

henry is so charming! :)
December 1, 2005 | Unregistered Commenterkate

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