I know it’s a day early…

But dear Internet: I made you this valentine. It’s a red heart, see? I cut it out myself! With some bits of a paper doily all around the edges! It’s a little sticky from all the glue and sparkles. I pasted on some googly eyes, but they fell off. Oh, wait, here they are, on my shoe.

Why did I bother making this when you’re just going to throw it out? Because I love you. I love you, Internet. I want to date you. I want to invite you over, and bake you a casserole. I will gaze at you in misty-eyed adoration, and warble love songs at you as you eat. Sweet Jesus, you'll think, does she have to look at me like that? What am I eating? And why is she singing Anne Murray songs, of all things? and then you’ll make up an excuse about having to leave early. I’ll call you as soon as you run out the door and I’ll make kissy noises into your voice mail.

And then I’ll FedEx you the rest of the casserole.

You will be scared.

But it will all be out of love, Internet. You are my one and only. Don’t ever forget that. And never leave me. Ever.

Okay, okay. Seriously, now. Wow. I don’t even know what to say about the response I received to my last post. I am overwhelmed. Thank you.

The amazing Leah interviewed me, and you can read it here. Go see! Embarrassing secrets--revealed! And there’s a picture of me trying to look pretentious, and succeeding.

Did I say thank you? Thank you. It doesn't seem like enough, but it's what I've got.

Comments

[kim]

Aww Alice. The internet totally wants to date you back. Especially because, damn girl, you're some hot stuff!

The Gap has jeans on clearance for $10 and up. They will make your butt look like the butt of your dreams. If you dream about that sort of thing, that is.

[alice]

I do. When I dream, I dream of butts. I will go there! Thanks, Kim!

[MonoCerdo]

If only I could figure out how one person can be so awesome...

Great interview!

[Christy]

I, too, love spicy tuna rolls. So much so, every time I eat them I have to take a picture of them.

Oh yessss .... http://tinyurl.com/bwmca

That's just my brand of dork.

[Mir]

Awesome interview, and LOOK AT YOU with the longer hair. Looking damn fine, girl.

[neva]

that may well be the best valentine i've received since my kids used to call 'em valentimes! loveloveloved the article... someday (when we know each other better) remind me to tell you my woeful tales of "paxil pounds" (evil drug) and/or effexor frump outs (glad to be rid of both)! you are awesome... and that casserole is delicious. (and, no, i was not among the 187 people who commented on your last post but that's only because... you had 187 freaking people commenting on your last post! i thought about it, but who wants to get lost in a sea of well-meaning comments? certainly not me.) : D

[Busy Mom]

Great interview and I loved the picture, too!

[jess]

Gosh! I love you alice and if i could i would wrap you in butt lifting denim. For now though thanks for the great interview it lifted my spirits.

[Lisa V]

Great post. Great interview. We heart you too.

[TB]

Really informative interview and I wanted to say how refreshing it is to read what you write.I love your honesty and your humor which is only slightly ironic, but still witty and clever.

[Meg]

This part of the Internet barely knows you, but sends love anyhow.

[victoria]

Nice to se a picture of you; you're cute. (Except, I guess, in the spirit of the internet, I should have written, UR HOTTT. But I can't quite bring myself to do that.) Oh, and also, U R very awesome.

[jes]

mmmmm....lip balm. addicted. favorite? Victoria's Secret's Balmy Nights.

Except sometimes the tin can be difficult to open, and you'll break a nail and then fling the tin into your face. So watch out for that.

[Amber]

-The internet hearts you back. I think I would shrivel up nd die if the internet ever broke up with me.

[Angela]

Wow, I love valentines. I think it is safe to say that the internet love you a whole lot too.I also love your hair the lenght it was for your interview picture. You look lovely.Thank you for giving me something else to read at the office. I appreciate it.

[Em]

Alice, you crack me up. Seriously.

That's all. Except, oh, HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!

[sweetney]

we the internet love you. xoxo.

[schmutzie]

I love you right back, Alice. You're damn fine, and I happen to have a thing for obsessive people, so FedEx me that casserole!

[Michelle]

Um. Well. I, um, like you, too. I mean, I care about you. What? Oh, no, it's nothing. Really, it's nothing. Well, okay. You see... Well, it's not you, it's me. No, really. You're a great person. No... Well, okay, honestly? It was the Anne Murray songs. That was kind of a dealbreaker for me.



(All in jest. I'd abandon my family to meet you in Massachusetts for a legally-binding same-sex marriage ceremony at the drop of a hat.)

[madge]

I have been known to rub hand lotion and/or baby butt cream on my lips when my balm goes mysteriously missing. I HATE that.

Ha ha ha ha! I'm still laughing about Scott humping a pillow. Hilarious! Me likey that picture too, you sexy thing.

[Sarcomical]

awww...i am blushing. but really, i don't like people singing to me it makes me nervous and embarrassed. stop. no stop. ;)

[Coelecanth]

Alice, I'm sorry, it could never work between us, not in the long term. Sure, we had some good times and see eye to, er, webcam on so many things, but my family just wouldn't understand.

Mama Postal and Daddy Phone expect me to marry within the tribe. As an only child, well, I feel obligated to take their wishes into account. I know, I know, love should be enough but family has to come first.

I'm engaged to Sattelite Radio now and you're just going to have to let go. I've packed up you're mp3's and a few jpegs you've left around, if there's anything I've missed let me know.

Really my dear, it was great while it lasted but it's time to go our seperate ways.

Goodbye, and thanks for all the casserole.

[Velma]

I'm anticipating very little in the way of celebration tommorrow, so I'm really diggin' on all the free-floating good vibes around here.

But the Anne Murray songs? Not so much!

[Jennifer]

Fabulous interview. Don't worry about the suburbs consuming your soul...just take your soul to it, and you'll be more than fine. And Anne Murray - man, there's one for the way back machines. Is she still around?

[Lori]

Your interview was so funny and your picture so cute. Gah. Anne Murray is icing on the cake. We should totally go steady, but you'll dump me when I land my own sitcom; Sweet Caroline is my theme song. I'll sashay along a city sidewalk swinging J. Crew shopping bags and rocking it for all of prime time to see. Man, Alice. I thought we had something! Why'd you have to let the jealousy come between us?