Alice Bradley - Blog - I just want to live to see him eat salad. Is that asking so much?

Tuesday

Dec192006

I just want to live to see him eat salad. Is that asking so much?

December 19, 2006

Just about one year ago, I wrote about Henry’s maddeningly limited food preferences. Henry was a strict adherent to the all-dairy, all-white-with-a-little-light-yellow-in-it diet, claiming that it “tasted good” and also “I’m not trying anything else ever nyah nyah nyah.” Any attempts to introduce new foods were met with shrieks of protest. It was a fun time.

Since that post, Scott and I have employed different strategies to get him to eat new foods. We created an enormous New Food Chart, with shiny gold stickers for each food and the promise of a new toy when 10 stickers were achieved. On the recommendation of some expert or other, we tried making the tasting of new foods his “job,” with no rewards given except the satisfaction of a job well done. We tried reverse psychology (“don’t you dare eat that broccoli stalk. I mean it.”). We tried explaining the food pyramid and what foods would make him big and strong like a Rescue Hero. We tried begging.

Guess what worked?

Nothing. Nothing worked. In fact, I do believe we made it worse. Congratulations, feckless parents!

In this entire year, Henry has pretty much stuck to his original diet. He added two new foods to his repertoire: baked beans and grilled cheese. The latter makes it much easier to go out to eat. The former means at least he’s getting some fiber, albeit with more sugar than I like to think about. True, these foods would not have entered his repertoire without our cajoling, but looking back, I think we won a couple of battles but in doing so lost the damn war.

Here’s what we accomplished: Henry now knows how deeply we care about what he eats. He knows it’s pretty much the one thing we can’t make him do. And most of all, he knows that he’s got us. He now delights in telling me all about what he’s not going to eat. He tried tomato sauce and loved it, but now, he says, he’s never going to eat it again. Same thing for peanut butter. And carrots. And pierogi. And about 36 other items.

(Parents of younger children, take note: do not give your child even the merest hint that you give a flying fig about what they eat. Don’t even look at their plate. Serve them whatever you made (or ordered) (or microwaved) and consider your job done. Because I am telling you, once your kid senses that they have the upper hand, you’re done. Heed my words! Heeeed! )

So now that every one of our tactics has backfired, I have officially given up. I have ripped up the food chart. I am done begging and punishing and even suggesting. I told him that what he eats is entirely up to him, but that I would no longer make him a different dinner from ours.

We’ve been doing this for about a month, and it’s made absolutely not one smidgen of difference in his diet. I more or less wimp out every night and make some kind of a pasta with dinner—the difference being that it’s part of everyone’s dinner and not just his special foodstuff—so he eats that. So in other words he’s not eating differently, but I am, and sweet Moses I’m sick of macaroni and cheese. (At some point I will gather up the courage to make a dinner that doesn’t include one of his greatest hits, and deal with his keen disappointment at the absence of beige foods laid out before him. I’m sure he’ll go without dinner that night, but at the very least he has to learn that it’s not the end of the world. Right? Someone’s anecdote of their kid who never ate anything and now eats snails cooked in tripe would be appreciated just about now.)

The only thing left for me to do is just be okay with what he eats or doesn’t eat. I am trying, lord how I’m trying, to think positively. What he likes, he really, really likes. And that’s good. He could eat 56 containers of yogurt a day. He derives more satisfaction from blueberries than I previously believed possible. He gets positively dewy-eyed over the thought of pasta mixed with ricotta cheese. If I keep pushing, I’m going to dampen his enthusiasm for what little he does eat, and pretty soon he will eat nothing but sand. Just to spite me. Kids are nuts, did I mention?

So these days when he refuses any and all foods I do my best to laugh gaily, tra la, as if he just told me he’s not going to do my taxes. And I say, “Someday you’ll eat that,” and he agrees. “Someday,” he says, watching me for signs of discomfort, “but not now. And not soon.”

Reader Comments (105)

My son is also 4 and we're having dinner wars at home. He used to be an adventurous eater, eating any and everything placed in front of him. Now, we're lucky if he'll eat at all. He whines about not liking things (including things he's never tried and things that are his favourites) but usually once we persuade him to take a bite, he finds that it's not so bad.

He eats whatever we eat -- I don't make a separate meal for him and I don't go out of my way to include foods that I know he likes. Lately, I've been making some nice desserts for the family as an incentive for him to eat. He knows that he can't have dessert unless he eats dinner.

I don't know what else to tell you -- I think it must be something that most kids go through.

December 28, 2006 |

carrie

Guess I'm going against the grain here, and late to boot, but I don't think it matters all that much what the kids eat, or how much. My parents were clean-the-plate fanatics, and I don't consider my brother and sister and myself terribly well-adjusted. I really didn't want to have those kind of power trips with my kids.

I also don't like limiting what I eat for their tastes, so my standing rule for the last 15 years (since the oldest was off baby food) was that you don't have to eat what I cook, but the only alternative allowed is cereal and milk.

Cereal and milk is good enough for breakfast, so as far as I'm concerned it's good enough for dinner. I don't have to argue with them about what they eat, and I'm providing basic nutrition without stressing anyone. They may complain, but we have good cereals that they like - their main complaint is that it's "boring." Well, the choice is between deliciously challenging or boring. You pick.

It's worked pretty well. If what I made is just too weird for young tastes, they eat cereal. When they get tired of cereal, they may try what I make. Gradually each of them has expanded their culinary repertoire.

Currently, all sorts of fun things are on steady rotation including stir-fry, chicken with 40 cloves of garlic, several different curry dishes and spinach quiche.

I think you get from strained carrots to spinach quiche by working through things amiably and not making this the hill you die on.

December 30, 2006 |

Teri Lester

As a child I allmost staved to dead (!!) as I refused to eat anything at all except for salt and pepper for long periodes. I was hospitalised and forced to eat in the end.

Today the first rule in our household law is that it is NOT ALLOWED to eat anything you do not like. You can not do it even if you want to pleace your mom! Apart from that I make sure that food issues do not rule the day. Everybody (grown ups..) thinks Im nuts!!

But... look at my three kids. They eat and eat and eat all day long and while they start out picky (like my youngest girl just turned one who right now only eat meat and appels) they end up eating allmost everything and loving it.

I do not know if this approch can help if food already is a problem for a kid but you are certanly right when you realise that fokus have to be on something else.

Marina (all the way from Denmark)

January 15, 2007 |

Marina (from Denmark)

Actually I think this is great, Marina. In the end the child absolutely has to want to try new foods. Any other tactic will just backfire.

January 16, 2007 |

alice

Looking for style, versatility and comfort? Uggs Classic Metallic by UGGÂ® Australia - Women's Suede Sheepskin Boots are definitely for you. The height of the Tall Ugg boots allows them to be worn folded down to expose the luxurious double-faced Australian sheepskin, while the durable lightweight soles and reinforced heels make these Cheap ugg boots ideal for indoor and outdoor wear. It is little wonder that this style has been photographed on many celebrities, who cannot resist the unique look and superb comfort of the Tall Metallic Ugg Boots. Made from highest quality 100% natural Australian sheepskin. Heel re-enforcement.

louis vuitton
lv
louis vuitton wallets
louis vuitton purses
louis vuitton sunglasses
louis vuitton bags
louis vuitton handbags
lv
louis vuitton bags
louis vuitton outlet

louis vuitton
lv
louis vuitton wallets
louis vuitton purses
louis vuitton sunglasses
louis vuitton bags
louis vuitton handbags
lv
louis vuitton bags

louis vuitton
lv
louis vuitton wallets
louis vuitton purses
louis vuitton sunglasses
louis vuitton shoes
louis vuitton bags
louis vuitton handbags
lv
louis vuitton bags

November 25, 2010 |

UGG Gissella uk

Post a New Comment

Enter your information below to add a new comment.

My response is on my own website »

Author:

Author Email (optional):

Author URL (optional):

Post:

↓ | ↑

Some HTML allowed: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <code> <em> <i> <strike> <strong>

Let's Panic: The Book!

Order your copy today!

Some Books
I'm In...

Sleep Is
For The Weak

The Best Creative
Non-Fiction, Vol. 2

Kirtsy Takes A Bow:
A Celebration...

Things I Learned
About My Dad

Cringe: Teenage Diaries, Notes...

Let's Panic

I just want to live to see him eat salad. Is that asking so much?

Reader Comments (105)

Post a New Comment

Link an External Response

Let's Panic: The Book!

Order your copy today!

Some Books I'm In...

Sleep IsFor The Weak

The Best CreativeNon-Fiction, Vol. 2

Kirtsy Takes A Bow:A Celebration...

Things I LearnedAbout My Dad

Cringe: Teenage Diaries, Notes...

Let's Panic

I just want to live to see him eat salad. Is that asking so much?

Reader Comments (105)

Post a New Comment

Link an External Response

Some Books
I'm In...

Sleep Is
For The Weak

The Best Creative
Non-Fiction, Vol. 2

Kirtsy Takes A Bow:
A Celebration...

Things I Learned
About My Dad