I am SO FAMOUS NOW.

First of all: Behold my banner! It was created by the lovely and talented Heather. She makes a good banner. I've heard her site is quite popular, too. I mean, I haven't read it, but that's what I hear.

(Here is where I consider inserting an emoticon to fend off the emails in which I am called a dumbass.)

It's weird to watch a show and wonder why you aren't on it. And then you show up! But only for a second. And I think they used a clip in which I was babbling off the record, when I thought, "They will never show me laughing like this, will they? Isn't it illegal to show this much gum on television?" And yet there I was, exposing my mouth parts to the world.

I realized my mistake when I was watching the show: I had tried to be funny, but apparently they wanted sincere. They were heading for Earnestville, and I was waiting for them over at Snarky Junction.

Anyway, at least I wasn't the young woman who cooed over "The Polar Express." I am glad it was someone's favorite-est movie ever, but that person should never be allowed to speak in any kind of public forum.

Ooh, you're thinking, are the grapes sour, in that basket of grapes you have there? And I'm thinking, what grapes? What basket? Are you insane? Shut up!

Honestly, watching a show and worrying that you might make an appearance is... uncomfortable. For the entire two hours of the show, I hid under a blanket, peeking out at the beginning of each segment to confirm that the talking head was not me. Meanwhile, my husband mocked me.

Me: I'm not in this one either. I must have been really terrible.

Him: God, you're right. Why am I still married to you?

Me: I don't even remember these topics! Why did they come up with new topics?

Him: That's because you were so bad that just looking at the questions from your interview made everyone cry, so they had to rewrite the entire script. Or, no, wait, I know what happened--your utter lack of charisma caused everyone on the set to die, and all copies of the questions to burst into flames. Then the building burned down. Thanks a lot.

Me: This is cute, the mock-insults. I find it amusing.

Him: I don't know what you're talking about.

Me: They let Bruce Vilanch on this show. So at least I know I wasn't cut because of my looks.

Him: Oh, make no mistake--you're much worse-looking than Bruce Vilanch.

Me: Hey, wait, was that me?

Him: That was you! That was you! You looked so great!

Me: Oh my god! You totally love me.

Him: God only knows why.

Comments

[HollyRhea]

Yeah, I had a good friend show her bouncing bosoms on that movie Weatherman. I'm sure she was nervous, too. My husband wasn't nervous, though. Not at all.

[the family man]

Dammit, I missed it.

[alice]

Not to worry: it will be on again, and again, and again. And again.

[Stillheidi]

I saw you!! Cool... your a celeb.. as if I wouldn't already stalk you!

I wish they went with more of the funny...I kinda thought the commentary would be more along the line of VH1's 'I love the 80's' where everyone makes fun of everything.

[lizpenn]

just to confirm what alice said: this show is on major heavy rotation on bravo. in fact, i'm tivoing it right now, with the mute on as i watch out the corner of my eye for finslippy's lovely face ...

[alice]

Oh, and I'm in the last five minutes of the first hour. Blink and you'll miss me.

[alice]

And the SECOND two hours are tonight.

[Angela]

Derlurking to say... I saw you! I was very excited about the whole thing, but when I tried to explain to other how I knew you it made me sound very nerdy and stalkerish so thank you for that opportunity! Are you curious to see if you'll be on tonight? I would be. I too wish they would have gone more to the funny side. I was looking forward to a lot of laughs. Oh well. It's Bravo, right? People who watch a lot of Bravo are entertained by watching people play poker.

I also love your new banner. Heather always does really nice ones.

[joaaanna]

SHUT UP! I thought the SAME thing about Bruce Vilanch! What the hell is he doing on there filling up my whole screen when I could be listening to the witticisms of the lovely Finslippy?!

[TB]

You were too good for them. I mean seriously half of the commentators were just so Captian Obvious with their comments. Sadly, I don't think they made a conscious choice to not go with the funny.

[Kristin]

I saw you! I was watching TV last night and bored and flipped to Bravo and two seconds later THERE YOU WERE! It was great! You were the only person who was funny! (And I had the Jingle Dogs CD. Someone gave it to me as a gift, and I was sorry.)

[Jenny]

I once ticked off a reporter just before she printed a story about me and I appeared on the front page of the feature with my mouth wide open - mid sentence. Yeah for us.

[L.]

I was on TV in Tokyo fairly often, and it was the same thing -- waiting to see myself, and then dying of mortification to see how I looked and hear what I said, and at the same time wondering what happened to the rest of my 14 minutes and 53 seconds of fame.

[Rebecca]

I spent a hour of my life watching Bravo last night all for you, Alice. Your commentary would have been so much better than that of the Polar Express person. How can a movie released just last year be considered a classic and require gushyness already? After your appearance (nice shirt, btw!) I had to change the channel. Sorry.

[Mrs. Kennedy]

Well, good, now I know how far to fast forward.

[Susan]

Thank you for the heads up about the Polar Express woman. I certainly don't need to see that. Although you, I'm all excited about.

[Lisa V]

I saw you meowing on tv. I feel all tingly!! It was a good hair day Alice. You meowed on key and you looked smashing!

[clickmom]

I saw you, (told you I would!) but it was soooo fast, what was your by line? Comedy Writer?? I was too busy screaming "It's her! It's her!" and then you were gone ~sigh~ Now I have to find a rerun and pay more attention.

[Stillheidi]

clickmom...you must accept TIVO as your personal lord and savior. Then you can watch the finslippy goodness anytime!

[suburban misfit]

Yeah, the tv stuff; fascinating. The snarky husband, even more so.

What I want to know is, though, is who is this "Heather" person? And why is she famous?

(Oh, can I borrow that new-fangled emoticon you were talking about?)

[Leah]

UR awesome as always ... the sweet new banner shows up in Explorer, not Firefox, for me at least.

[Dawn]

Yea, though my husband thinks I am turning into a sad mid30's woman who gets excited when she sees "pretend" friends she "knows" from the internet, I did enjoy the sighting.

Now, where can I buy 75 cats?



P.S. Joey McIntyre? For real? This guy got more face time than you? Bravo is clearly going for the gay male viewer with that choice.

[alice]

Attention! Attention! I just told the world that I am hot for heat miser.

What does that even mean?

[Libby]

You were a little hot for Heat Miser! I get it! Ha!

[Jenn]

Ooh, there you are again, talking about Hannukah Harry!