Here are some things I did in places that were not here.
March 21, 2011HELLO, WORLD! I've had some coffee. Not a LOT. Okay, a lot.
"New bottle full of Pedialyte instead of milk, fuck you. I don't even KNOW you. Okay, screw it. I will drink this bullshit once. Yes, okay. This is all right. No, wait. No, on second thought, fuck you. Fuck you in the ear. I'm going to slap you all the way into Idaho if you keep coming at me like that. Pedialyte. Can I get some fucking Pedialyte up in here? Who do I have to blow to get a bottle of goddamn Pedialyte? Oh, you mean THAT STUFF? Oh, fuck you."
This is but one excerpt from three of my favorite posts from last week!
"Let's face it: newborns are weird-looking. They cry a lot. They're terrible at board games. And yet many mothers profess to have instantly fallen deep in love with their scrunchy-faced, pink, kind-of-boring babies. Who can say why this happens? It happened to me, and even I don't understand it. But it doesn't happen for lots of mothers."
7 tips for new parents. Oh, magazines, you sure do love the numbered lists.
BY THE WAY, did you know that you can now comment on my Redbook posts via your Facebook account? It's true! Come with me on this magical journey! This magical...commenting...journey.
"When Hailey was born, Victor's grandad said that cats eat babies and he said that he was going to come over and slit our cats' throats and throw them in the garbage. This is all true. We shut the cats up with the baby whenever he was in the neighborhood just to keep them all safe but none of the cats ever even tried to eat the baby. Is Victor's grampa crazy or is there something wrong with my baby?"
No one gives an interview like Jenny. But no one.
Finally: this has nothing to do with me, but these videos of "Chloe Sevigny" have made me terribly happy this week. I can't stop laughing at them. I can't stop! Call 911!
Seriously. "Ironic coin skort"? I can't even write that without laughing.
Reader Comments (15)
It brings me much joy to see how much you love your coffee, Alice.
I, too, am a better mother, blogger, laugher, appreciater of life...with my coffee....
I LOVE those Chloe videos. I especially love how he pronounces "Chloe Sevigney." Any time I need a laugh I go watch all of them.
It was all I could do to watch the Big Love series finale without wondering where Chloe Sevigny's snood was!
This is somewhat of a tangent but I haven't been able to subscribe to your Redbook posts via RSS feed, and am sad!
Whenever I try, it subscribes me to "The Infertility Diaries" which is a different column. Who do I have to beat up/sleep with to get your correct RSS Feed on my Google Reader?? No but for reals, it would be great if that were fixed.
LOVE the Chloe video!
JB, I'll ask the Redbook editor. Thanks for letting me know!
oh my crap did you watch the Halloween one? "patronizing chunk wedges." hilarious!
"they suck at board games"...love it! i'm buying your book for all my new mommy friends. i think they all need to take themselves a little less serious. that or i'm going to have to defriend them on facebook and maybe in real life too.
I love those vids. So funny.
I have seen many posts similar to this one on internet but all other have filler content and are not up-to-the mark. This post especially made me to post my comments as its credible,mens watches it’s very good!
Is Victor's grampa crazy or is there something wrong with my baby?"
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Love the video!
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