Henry wants you all to know...

My head is made of poop. I smell worse than garbage. Although my head is made of poop, my son wishes to poop on my head, which is poopy. Or else he will poop on my butt. Which, incidentally, is smelly. I should also mention that my son hates me. It's perfectly reasonable that he hates me, as in only the past few days I have reminded him to wash his hands, told him I had no money for an ice cream sandwich, and asked him which movie we should watch. All of these actions are unforgiveable. I know that now. And thanks to his lengthy, and at times deafening, explanation, I see that the reason is my giant feces-head, which is awkwardly propped up here on my neck. It's amazing that I can even type or think or have any opinions about ice cream sandwiches, but nevertheless I do, and this renders me loathsome. I am a bad mommy, and he doesn't like me anymore, well, he does, but more importantly he hates me. Let's just say that his feelings for me grow increasingly more complex. But he consistently feels that my head is, as I have mentioned, poopy.

Let's all hope that my behavior improves in the near future.

Comments

[ozma]

I think Henry's been reading too much Samuel Beckett. A lot of people think that once their kid reads Sam Shepherd they are all ready for Beckett but I think you've learned the hard way what can happen.

[patois]

Why, I do declare, we should start a society of us poopyheads. We will allow people such as myself, poo-poo heads, to join. We will not allow shitheads in, however, as that must mean their children have passed the age of poopiness.

[galadriel]

Maybe you should just wipe it or something. Let him wipe up your messy poopyhead and maybe then he'll move on to calling you something different. I think poophead sounds better then pisshead though. Snot Pig is a favorite around here.

[k8]

i'm a mean mean mommy according to mine.

[teryn]

I'm fairly certain that I'm headed for poopyhead-dom as well. I'm trying to prepare myself ....

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[ozma]

"A label like "handful"—nothing more than a social construct—can take years to shake off. It could very well haunt me until I'm 6, even 7 years old. And by that time, it probably will have led to something even worse."





http://www.theonion.com/content/opinion/adults_have_misclassified_me_as

[Suzanne]

Ahhh, I miss the poopyhead days. My son is now 8 and has moved on to... umm... more creative names and take-that-mom comments. Oh, and the other day my 5 year old daughter screeched "Why don't you want to spend time with your LOVELY DAUGHTER??" I had no response, but I spent some quality time with her because I was scared.

[texasgurl]

Holy Poop, is your son four? And did you hide in my house today and then write about my life here?

[J]

If you'd like to improve your behavior, you can start by wiping your head.

[sarah]

I like you. You make me laugh.

Which is impressive, because I don't usually think of poop as having much of a sense of humor.

[Beth]

Goodness me, it does start early. My daughter is 18 months old and does not yet call me a poophead, but she does inform me every time she, uh, passes gas that her butt is a choo-choo train. Unfortunately for my future, I inevitably crack up.

[BOSSY]

Bossy's kids always preferred the far more descriptive term: Poopy Butt.

[Julie]

I know it's irrational, but I sort of can't wait for my little boy to start saying things like that. OK, he's only 6 weeks old, so I've got awhile, but I just can't wait until cute things (even "mean" cute things) start spewing out his mouth instead of partially curdled formula.

[MsRebecca]

This is great.. my favorite is when I turn around quickly and see my son doing the semi-tongue stick out when he thinks I'm not aware..his favorite phrase is the "I'm having a really bad day Mommy, I'm not happy" I tell him to get used to it, it will just get worse the older he gets.. lol..

[donteatpoop]

Fecal humor. I knew there was a reason I always felt so at home here...

The nerve of you asking which movie he would prefer to watch! tsk tsk. Perhaps his assessment is not so far off?

[Wicked Stepmom]

Ahh... the poopy talk. It only gets better as they become older and more eloquent.

Hansel is now 5 (OMG!) and likes to sing Twinkle, Twinkle Little Poopie. Over. And over. And over.

[Sandi]

I have a four year old too and have also experienced the poopy head comments.

[Jessi Louise]

Reading this post was a relief. I read your other posts too about tantrums and other such frazzling hullabaloo. I have a 5 year old who acts like this (the tantrums have gotten to be more rare, but are more intense also...) and it seems like no one ever talks about it realistically. I was not expecting this until he was a teenager! He's got a serious attitude in training and I'm strapped in for the ride. I'm very afraid...

[Steph.]

I don't remember Henry's age exactly, as I've read you off and on for a log time now. But, I can tell you that I have an 8-year-old son. And, in 8-year-old boy language "poop" = "love"

It's true! Along with any word that has the word "eyeball" or "underwear" attached to it. I SWEAR!

[Glitzy]

I've really been enjoying reading your blog. The archives have provided me great entertainment at work while I should have probably been working. Alas. Yet, my dreaded cubicle was much more tolerable. Thank you.

[vanessa]

Greetings poo poo head

Henry may like the song my son sings - to the tune of Twinkle Twinkle:

"Poo Poo Wee Wee Sick and Blood"

Very gifted, I'm sure you'll agree

[Mitzi]

Quit being a grumpy poo poo head and write a new post. ha ha. You're great. Hope you're doing something fun.

[Carrie]

LOL always nice to know that one is not alone in the whole "You are a horrible parent" debacle. Although I am quite impressed with Henry's level of assault with words. I can't say I've ever been called a poo poo head.

[Karianna]

You are NOT almost 40. Because that would be old.

Pantyhose are up there, but I thought I'd always have those silky slips. Who wears a slip these days? Sheesh.

And thank goodness we don't have sanitary napkin garters anymore. I have unopened packages of those.