Henry wants you all to know...

My head is made of poop. I smell worse than garbage. Although my head is made of poop, my son wishes to poop on my head, which is poopy. Or else he will poop on my butt. Which, incidentally, is smelly. I should also mention that my son hates me. It's perfectly reasonable that he hates me, as in only the past few days I have reminded him to wash his hands, told him I had no money for an ice cream sandwich, and asked him which movie we should watch. All of these actions are unforgiveable. I know that now. And thanks to his lengthy, and at times deafening, explanation, I see that the reason is my giant feces-head, which is awkwardly propped up here on my neck. It's amazing that I can even type or think or have any opinions about ice cream sandwiches, but nevertheless I do, and this renders me loathsome. I am a bad mommy, and he doesn't like me anymore, well, he does, but more importantly he hates me. Let's just say that his feelings for me grow increasingly more complex. But he consistently feels that my head is, as I have mentioned, poopy.

Let's all hope that my behavior improves in the near future.

Comments

[Jake]

Poop is funny! "What can Brown do for you?" SEE? FUNNY!

[Tina]

You never want to think there are parents in the world who make their children wash their hands or stand in the way of ice cream, etc. It's so grotesque, so obscene, so gothic. So poopy.

A Dickensian childhood, he's having. The world weeps along with him.

[Helen]

HAve you reached the stage yet where you tumble headfirst down to the same level and tell him " yeah, I am SO a big poop but guess what..you came out of my tummy and what else comes out of tummies? Ewwwww YOU ARE A POOP TOO!" Do you get the Horrible Henry books over there, with his little brother Perfect Peter? Me thinks Henry might enjoy!

[Lizzette]

Yep, my son is always telling us he wants to poop on us and so forth. They've entered the poo poo caca phase, which apparently my husband went through during his preschool years. Hating this and that including mommy is also part of his repertoire these days. I can't wait until he's 10. I'm a teacher. I know teenage back talking starts then.

[Pretty Lush]

Poopy is a toddler obscenity.

[Jaycee]

I don't remember this particular phase with either of my boys--perhaps I'm blocking for obvious reasons--but, I do have a teen-rager now and he says it all for realsies. Boo!

[Frankie]

Well, frankly, who's head ISN'T Made of poop??The secret?.. Accessorize!!!

[hbomb]

4 is awful (he is 4 right). It does not end exactly at 5, but at some point they become precious again. I agree that it is a preview of the teen years.

[hbomb]

just thought of a funny joke my 5 year old told me today. "Why did Tigger look in the toilet? He was looking for Pooh." Precious I tell you!

[sveedish]

I, too, thought immediately of the Onion article regarding child abuse:http://www.theonion.com/content/news/majority_of_parents_abuse_children

It sounds like we might have to call Child Protective Services on your (poopy) ass.

[Sarah Brown]

I've been meaning to talk to you about this.

[YetAnotherKaren]

Henry ought to write a book: "Henry's Book of Poop", and in it would be nothing but pictures of you. Do I smell a bestseller?

[Erika]

I'm just so glad that my 5 yr old isn't the only one obsessed with poop, pee-pee and butts. For some reason after the 100th time seeing him grab himself and yell "pee-Pee" just isn't that funny anymore. And you know what's worse, the younger child picks it up so much earlier! Blah to children. Just blah!

[Deanna]

So as a childless one, I have to ask - does anyone punish their kids for talking to them this way? There would have been severe beatings for me as a child if I called my mom a poopy head. If you don't punish them, what's your rationale for letting them do it? I'm seriously not criticizing, just curious.

[BOOMOM]

LOL ! How on earth did you keep a straight face during the Mother-of-all-meltdowns??

And, Deanna - it's soooo normal for that age, that seriously it's not worth getting that upset about ! Plus, it'a hard to punish when you're hiding in a closet ROTFL !

[Michelle]

Well. I thought I had a one track mind, but it appears Henry has put me to shame.

[Jennifer]

My daughter's ace in the hole was always "I'm going to tell Ms. Pam (or Ms. Jan or Mrs. Scholl-- it was a long phase)"Yes, as if her preschool teacher is going to come and chide me for making her take a nap, pick up her toys, eat veggies, etc...

[Jake]

At least poop is funny. Some day he'll be hurling Proustian invective at you. I dare you to stay awake through THAT phase.

[BBM]

Tell that Henry to keep it down. My 18-month old must have heard him because she started screaming "Poop!" over and over and over again at the grocery store today. And oh so many people knew what she was screaming and stared . . . I shudder to think what word she'll be screaming when she's four.

[becks]

I can only wish that my son grows up to be as charming as yours. And I mean that in the least sarcastic way possible. Henry is definately my kind of kid. Are you able to refrain from laughing during these moments?

[Deb]

I heart Henry......

We are all poopy obsessed over here too, and I have GIRLS....my three yr old gives us details every time she goes!

He will enjoy this post when he grows up

[Melanie]

Honestly, I'm laughing too hard to respond well to that. Henry is awesome.

[andi]

I want Henry to know - he makes me laugh. But I'm glad those words don't come out of my kids' mouths or I guess it wouldn't be quite so funny.

[Vanessa]

Darn! And here I thought *I* was Queen Poop of Poopville.

My 8-year-old has mostly moved away from potty epithets and on to such cutting insults as "You're not my friend!" No, last time I checked, I was your mom, so get up the stairs and put on your pajamas!

[Rachel]

We are deep, deep into the poop and butt talk here too. My 4 1/2 yr old has started the "I hate you" thing too, and that's harder for me to hear. But then of course I hear myself saying, "I hate it when I forget my list" or something dumb like that. And of course, anything that gets a big reaction from us goes right to the top of "Important things I must say often" list for the kids.