Hello, we must be going.
August 22, 2005So we’re going to Italy tomorrow, and did I brush up on my Italian? I did not. Zut alors! Wait, that’s wrong.
We are going to a farmhouse in Tuscany with my mother-in-law and brother-in-law and brother-in-law’s new wife whom I now get to call my sister-in-law. For two weeks, we’re going! We’re going to be in the country! With, um, donkeys? I think there might be donkeys. Really I have no idea. I have done very little thinking about this trip. Does it show?
My mother-in-law wishes to celebrate her birthday by taking us on this trip, and who am I to argue? I’m a little nervous about the flight with Henry (read: I’m picturing Henry flinging vomit and feces all about the cabin as he skitters across the ceiling and screeches the Nicene Creed backward) but I’m sure it will be fine! Ha ha ha ha ha ha haaaa! Hurgh!
Anyway, then we’ll be in Italy, so even if the ride is as awful as I can imagine, we’ll still end up in Italy. The last time we were in Italy it was our honeymoon, and it was fantastical and wonderamic, except we flew Air France and therefore we had to deal with the French. On the way there I sat next to an aging, bitter old crone who wore too much makeup and applied smelly salves to her hairy cheeks and then berated me when I suggested that maybe using nail polish remover in a plane wasn’t the most considerate way to go. She actually called me a “spoiled American” and repeatedly sneered, “You want your own plane,maybe?” And oh, how I loathed the French, on that trip.
But not as much as on our way back, when we missed our connecting flight and ended up being put up in a hotel in a town called Bagnolet. Bagnolet, Where the Hookers Are! Actually, maybe it was a nice town, I don’t know—we were too busy hiding in our room from the hookers down in the lobby. They looked mean, those hookers, like they wanted to cut up some Americans. As for the room we were in, there were brown streaks running down the walls out of the vents and the sheets made us itch and the only channel that worked on the television was airing “Men in Black” in French.
But the Italy part, that was nice.
This time we’re taking Lufthansa, so I expect we’ll return with tales of Germanic cruelty. Along with many, many pictures of Henry eating gelato.
Reader Comments (53)
I have never flown Lufthansa, but can highly recomend KLM, they are even better than BA in my opinion. My recomondation for the flight, try some wine it will mellow you out (always free on international flights). As for Henry, good luck. We are flying A'dam to SF in 2 weeks with our 3 month old. I am just as terrified.
alos, lufthansa has the best food of any airline i've ever flown. plus, they are super generous with the wine.
Have fun translating my bad Italian.
I just wanted to put one caveat to my felicitations....please don't paint the french with one brush, my husband is french and is the most considerate, delightful man on the planet. I am swedish, and we don't all make naked, sauna porn but we do have blonde hair, and the germans aren't cruel, they are misunderstood.
Pick a sunflower for me and roll in l'herbe (fr. for grass) and watch THAT Tuscan sky take away all the bad........
You must be cautious.
Good luck and have fun!
One thing about the Germans: they apologize (at least in Germany) if the plane is going to be 5 minutes late on departure. They are more punctual even than the Swiss.
In my book the most important phrase is, dove (doe-vay) il gabinetto? While it's important to know more than one phrase, it's essential to find out where the toilet is.
CDG is a pain in the ass, though it was really cool in 1974 when it was first built and looked so Jetsons-like. It's not on my worst-airport list, but it's close -- imagine trying to change at JFK and you'll get the idea (says she with 40+ years experience flying to and from JFK, that being as close to home as an international flight can drop me).
Bon voyage.
And no need to dope up the poor boy. He's two for christ's sake, and he can recite the nicene creed backwards. It doesn't get any better than that.
Just accept that he will probably get bored on the plane and tell everyone else to suck it.
I believe it was an air france flight that made me realize this as well. The stupid counter people kept talking about me in french because I misplaced my ticket. They assumed I didn't understand because of my american passport. Oh but i told them!
My blood pressure is rising just thinking about it. I hate CDG, something bad always happens to me there.
Good luck on the flight. I'll be taking a similar trip in a few weeks. Like you, I just keep my eye on the destination.
It's the WORLD WIDE Web.
Thanks. Thanks a lot. *sigh*
Have a great time in Italy, though. Look me up if you somehow pass through the Netherlands. ;)
http://www.cfsl.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=22455
No, really, for your comfort: Lufthansa in fact has the highest security standards worldwide, both for pilots and machines.So, have a safe trip, und Gute Reise!
Honestly and I mean HONESTLY, I have only had the regular run-around at CDG as I have had at Frankfurt, Schipol (hate schitpool - smokers abound!!) and Heathrow (can anyone name an airport thats been under renovation longer than Heathrow??). However, if you are ever in a REALLY big line up in a crowded, sweaty airport somewhere, tensions high, lines long, crusty scowls all around and then you see someone DARE to butt in line infront of 400 angry vacationers, that person is bound to be..........bien sur, FRANÇAIS! So, I give some credence to your woe!
also, if you wear an underwire bra then you can skip your next mammogram. my mams were never so thoroughly examined as they were by lufthansa.