Hazy shade of autumn
November 2, 2011
Oh, but she is there. She is hiding. She is a sneaky bag-hider.
I put this paper bag on the floor thinking it would invite Izzy to enjoy Fun Active Times during which she would playfully bat at the bag, burn calories, and etc. Instead she decided that this Mystery Bag was actually a brand-new nap cubby. Cat just wants to rest. Only rest, says Cat.
She's still losing weight, though, I think, sort of, I mean SHE IS. Plus--and this is a big plus--her coat, which used to be greasy and disturbing from her midsection area down to her butt, is now all-over pleasant and shiny. You can pet her anywhere! You should not, however, pet her butt, because that is odd and also she will bite you. She is affectionate but her boundaries must be respected.
I AM NOT HERE TO TALK ABOUT MY CAT YOU GUYS.
I'm not sure what to say about things. Things that are not my cat. I tried to write a new post for days, but all I had were three words, and those three words were "Autumn is weird." Fascinating! Tell me more, Ms. Bradley!
I always experience a slight decline in mood and eensy-to-moderate uptick in anxiety level around this time of year, and every year it takes me forever to catch on to what's happening. Sometimes I suspect I am less smartish than I heretofore had figured.
I used to like autumn, too. I have no idea what I was ever thinking. This time of year is terrible and also! It will continue to be terrible until April! The light is waning! The cold is coming! The snows will envelop us all!
For instance. Look at that. Look at our October Snow. That is the second-worst Guns 'n' Roses song ever. How dare you, climate. How dare you right to hell.
On the other hand we can wear layers. And that's nice.
Anyway, I've managed to cheer myself up, in all the boring ways, like taking care of myself and sleeping enough. BORING. Also, I am running while listening to fun music! (Running around, that is. I come back home. I'm not flailing my arms and screaming as I bound across state lines.) And it finally hit me, after watching three episodes of "Breaking Bad" on Netflix, that this is a fantastic show but a terrible choice for someone with anxiety. Right now I should only watch things that make me laugh or at least smile with enthusiasm. Like this other show called Baby Hedgehogs and Kittens in Teacups. Wait, no, that's Cute Overload. I thought Cute Overload was a show.
It SHOULD be a show, at that. Damn it, powerful network executives. What's it going to take?
Reader Comments (28)
The best thing about blogging is finding that special someone who can relate cats, snow, and GNR. Bitchin'.
Oh, Alice, how we all love you so. Did you see Hyperbole and a Half's cartoon of genius about misery? Go, go and see it right now. Yes, I know it would be helpful to give to a link, but I was just forced into an iPhone today and can't figure out shit. #sigh But it's always nice to hear from you. xx
Being the helpful blog reader that I am, here's the link Stacy referred to:
http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2011/10/adventures-in-depression.html
(hopefully that works for you)
I am sorry you are going through this but now you know what Minnesota is like every year!
I've lived here six years and the first three were awful depressing. So decided I needed winter projects to get me through Oct - April. Thus, pregnant, new baby and this year bought a house! I should down-grade my projects to make it through the next fifty or so years.
Do take care ( as we say in MN :)
Hello Madame Bradley! I would like to show you a hilarious YouTube link but I am afraid that I would be considered spam. I am not spam. I am a real person (from Oregon, no less) who wants to share an awesome video involving a short-legged dog and a life jacket. Watched once, it will make you chortle. Watched twice, I would think you will be needing some breathing assistance from your wild and hearty guffaws. Either way, the induced laughter will brighten your day, which seems to be darker now that the earth has gone all tilty again.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=glii-kazad8
That link probably didn't work. i hope it does, though.
I am similarly anxiety ridden and working through Breaking Bad on Netfix (you do know it's available on the Instant thing, right?) Anyway, my husband would watch three episodes a night every night. I can do two episodes every other night. This week it took three days for me to get through just the episod in Season two with the horribly neglected red-headed child. I required my husband fast forward to the end and assure me it would end well before I could finish. That show...man. You have to have nerves of steel to take it in large doses.
Ohhhh, you have the winter-is-coming-darkness-is-nigh-it-will-never-be-warm-and-sunny-EVER-AGAIN blues. Hmmm. Have some hot chocolate and watch Paint Your Wagon. Seriously--nothing more hilarious than Clint Eastwood and Lee Marvin in a musical.
Autumn, man. It'll get you.
As someone who is seriously considering spending the rest of my life in bed (major depressive episode: 4 months and counting!), I can without hesitation say that Netflix streaming is the best invention since self-administering intraveneous chocolate. (Wait, has that been invented yet? DIBS.) The Vampire Diaries is entertaining if you can get past the whole "I am watching a show called The Vampire Diaries" thing. Walking Dead is excellent, but expect many post-apocalyptic zombie dreams. Caprica is very, very good and also contains Eric Stoltz. Other shows exist also, but I have not yet watched them from my bed-fortress.
Oh my goodness, Jenna M. CORGI DOG GOT STUMPY LEGS.
This made me laugh myself sick-ish. Perfection!
You totally have to check out Puppies Vs. Babies on Animal Planet. Definitely a distraction when the whole world just sucks! :D
I bought the first season of "Breaking Bad" at a garage sale in late September. That weekend I also bought a bottle of Malbec and sent my kids off to their father's house for the gray and drizzly weekend. They found me much as they left me; namely, in pj's on the couch.
And not in the good "Screw you, personal hygiene and societal expectations!" way.
BRIAN CRANSTON, you owe me 48 hours of my life back.
It's nice to be reading you again.
I am feeling you, finslippy. I too have been velcroed to my couch, not showering. But I am not watching sophisticated and gritty shows like Breaking Bad. Breaking Bad sounds awesome but I am pretty sure I would stab myself if I tried to watch it. No, I have been watching H2O: Just Add Water. No lie, the Australian teenybopper show about perky mermaids with boy trouble. I am perfecting my Aussie accent though, so that's a plus.
I'm in a dilemma since I decided that I hate being hot and driving around on melting highways and blinding sunlight and basically everything about summer. Now I like Fall. Crisp nippy air. Sweaters that hide my midsection. Crunchy leaves, cozy blankets, school. However it seems that my new Fall Infatuation hasn't done away with my tendency to be depressed and anxious at this time of year. Rock, ME, hard place.
Two words: Magic Lamp. (This is not spam, I don't get a kickback, it just changed my life).
http://momedy.blogspot.com/2008/12/warding-off-winter-blues.html
oh sweet Alice....is that my problem? is it autumn i should be blaming?!?
because oh woah, the anxiety is high, the appetite is gone, and the pacing...oh woah, the pacing.
thankfully lexapro is working it's magic little potion into my veins and within just TWO to FOUR WEEKS I'll be feeling jesssssttttt fine. (why must it take SO long?!?)
By then it will be winter. I'll really need it then.
In the meantime, I'll be here....waiting for you to make me laugh.
xoxo
That part about Guns N Roses kind of cracked me up.
Dear Alice,
I like this "author" name thing. It's a nice touch.
Like many, I've read your blog for longer than I can remember, starting some eons before you moved out of the city, then back into it (good call, by the way). And until today I've never commented, but it struck me just so that you have a black cat named Izzy, and I have a black cat named Izzi, and yes: it is extremely difficult to get a good picture of a black cat, even when they're right there in your lap.
Reading further, I came upon "slight decline in mood" and "uptick in anxiety" and I had to stop and find a board with which to whack my head. I have been sitting here in Tennessee, where autumn is beautiful, mid-50s to 60s, sunny days, gorgeous trees turning color, and thinking: why am I so miserable? And snappish? And turning off the music in the car because sounds are freaking me out? A man sat next to me this afternoon and ate his lunch with his mouth open, and I had to block my ear to keep from jumping out of my seat.
Duh. Now I remember that strange, totally high feeling (though sadly, the things that should make you feel high never do that for me) I had sometime around...April. That would be the opposite of this.
So thank you! Promoting self-awareness, one SAD reader at a time!
Kirsty: I just done ordered that thing. THANK YOU.
Cute Overload is not a show but Puppies vs. Babies is.
http://newsfeed.time.com/2011/10/26/puppies-vs-babies-yes-this-is-a-real-television-show/
OMG - Breaking Bad. I watched one episode and ran to take a xanax (joke - sort of). My husband keeps telling me that it's such a great show and I should watch it IMMEDIATELY.. I told him it wasn't good for someone who grew up experiencing my distressing upbringing. It is so nice to hear that others found this show painful. That there are other individuals who don't believe they should watch shows that make them feel uneasy. And as for this season, fall - is it age that makes it less appealing? I used to like it too...
Oh my GOD DO NOT WATCH BREAKING BAD IN BULK. The anxiety! No! Two episodes per week, sandwiched in between something sweet like Pushing Daisies.
I hate this time of year. Except for boots.
Oh, Alice. If you like Cooper the belly flopper, you must also look at Denver.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B8ISzf2pryI
I generally don't have anxiety problems, but Breaking Bad does it to me, too. Cute Overload is a good place for anxiety relief though. That, and all those silly/stupid FAIL videos on YouTube.
Also: http://animal.discovery.com/tv/too-cute-kittens/
Pretty much Cute Overload in television format.
Also: I'm pretty sure mother nature slips us a roofie every summer to make us blithely forget why it is that coming down off her sunshine high makes us so despondent.
Watch Masterpiece Theatre's first season of Downton Abbey. It's not anxiety free but it's early 20th century heavens-what-shall-we-do-about-the-maid anxiety. It's oddly soothing.
Well, thank you very much! I was looking for the answer to whether I should watch "Breaking Bad," and the answer is no. I am so glad I stumbled upon your blog. (not on StumbleUpon, though.) Now I know to continue trying to meditate, seeing my therapist, and watching old British detective shows.
Wellesley alum...