Have you been half-asleep? AND HAVE YOU HEARD VOICES?
July 15, 2004People! People! Do you think I would leave you just like that? I was just expressing some doubts, is all. I wasn't really going to up and close down the store. But thank you for your words of encouragement, your emails, and your presents. Sorry I had to return the pony. He had a soft, damp nose, and I named him Mr. Sparkles. But the co-op board said I couldn't keep him.
In other news, work (real, paid work! Egads!) continues apace. I wish I could give you the details, but if I have learned anything from the lovely Dooce, it's that talking about work on the blog is verboten. Suffice it to say that it's a dream assignment, both entertaining and well-paying, and I couldn't be more pleased. I'm a bit hard to take lately, in fact. I keep kissing my reflection and interrupting conversations with loud outbursts of "I ROCK."
Now, about Henry. If a 21-month-old can be obsessive/compulsive, Henry fits the bill. He's down with OCD, as they say. Certain items, people, bits of media, etc. seem to inspire in him a combination of terror and reverence that is all-consuming. Today's obsessions are BLENDERS, VACUUMS, and THE RAINBOW CONNECTION. He wakes up and demands to see the BLENDER. He wants to look at the BLENDER. Let him touch said BLENDER. Then he will make THE BLENDER NOISE. The BLENDER goes EEEEEEGH. Turn it on! he demands. But do not do it, for if you do, there will be tears, and much clutching at the neck, and your shirt will get all damp.
After breakfast, he wants to retire to his parents' bedroom, where the VACUUM lives. VACUUM, he says, and points. VACUUM. The VACUUM goes EEEEEEGH. The VACUUM sounds suspiciously like the BLENDER. But do not touch the VACUUM! Or go near it! To do so would bring much shrieking and upset and subsequent incoherent babbling about the VACUUM, not to mention the BLENDER. Speaking of which. It's back to the kitchen for both of you, where you shall look at and discuss the BLENDER. EEEEEGH. Do you like that sound? EEEEEEGH.
Before his nap, he must hear RAINBOW. Short for the above-mentioned song, of course. SING IT. While singing it, he will become both entranced and agitated, sweetly mouthing the words and gazing up at you until you think you might never make it back to the office and then GRABBING YOUR LOWER LIP while you're singing and crying MORE! MORE! until you want to scream I'M ALREADY SINGING IT, I CAN'T BE MORE SINGING THAN I AM CURRENTLY SINGING. You will sing it again and again and again, all the while wondering what was UP with Kermit, with his strange conviction that there's a connection between rainbows and--and what? What are the lovers and the dreamers and he rooting around rainbows for? And what's with the voices calling his name? NEVER MIND THAT JUST KEEP SINGING.
EEEEEEEGH.
Reader Comments (28)
Compulsive music? My kids like beer drinking songs.
The request most often from the back of the van:
"Beer song. LOUD."
Our youngest, who is 13 months, has absolutely no fear of the vaccuum. He will crawl around the floor as one of us vaccuums the carpet right next to him. Our middle kid, at 21/2, fucking freaks OUT.
I sang that song to my now 20 month old for my entire pregnancy and then coo'ed it to her the day she was born amidst tears and now when I sing it, she slaps my mouth and says "No!"
But if I sing the McDonald's "I'm Lovin' It........" (Ba-duh, ba ba ba)
"Maybe if you actually used the vacuum sometimes they would be familiar with with it."
Pretend I just said that to you...how does it feel?
EEEEEEGH!
What? MY toddler is the only Leonard Cohen freak around here?
And Slippy, darling, if you don't know how you could be more singing then you'll obviously never make it this town.
Now once more... with FEELING. I'll bet you're just phoning in that connection half the time.
So, to recap:
Why sailors?
Because Jesus was a....
I have heard the mermaids singing, each to each.
I do not think that they will sing to me.
I have seen them riding seaward on the wavesCombing the white hair of the waves blown backWhen the wind blows the water white and black.
We have lingered in the chambers of the seaBy sea-girls wreathed with seaweed red and brownTill human voices wake us, and we drown.
I can only hope that Rachel becomes a Leonard Cohen junkie. As long as it's not Barney and I don't have to kill anyone.
And maybe I'll start her on some of the poems I used to know by heart. How cool would it bee to see her grab my lip and shout MORE when I start with "I know that I shall meet my fate/somewhere in the skies above."
Of course, I don't actually remember any of those poems anymore, but I can make stuff up real good.
--FD
However it doesn't always work.
Some of us miraculously grow out of our parent's musical influences...
It's not easy being green!
I so want to know about a job that is fun, that you like. It would make me less scared of the time when my job ends. Maybe you could just post an example of a job that is good so the rest of us can have some hope.
If Henry is really one of those, here are some future gifts that my boy loved and played with nonstop when he was 3-5: boxes of envelopes, a stapler, a real electric drill with a thick bit and boards to make holes in, a good play kitchen set, his own basement workbench made of 2X4s. Oh, and I'm not posting my email, mainly because of this one all-time favorite gift: wooden kitchen matches. The boy loved lighting matches, so every night for about a year I'd sit with him on the back steps next to a cement block and let him burn dozends of them. (He never burnt them on his own, but I bet he would have if I didn't let him get it out of his system.)
Count your lucky stars. My little blender-psycho was a lot of work over the years, but he has grown into an amazing guy. Just follow Henry's lead.
Somehow, the matches don't sound like such a bad thing, upon reflection.
Did I miss something because as far as I can recall, only 2 come to mind..."Somewhere Over the Rainbow" and this muppet song but really that's only 1 song because you can't refer to the same song within the song you're singing, right? Because it says there are just SO MANY SONGS about rainbows but last time I checked there weren't.
Yet another broken promise to 'murka's youth.
P.S. Last time I checked there were NO SONGS about rainbows and what's on the other side. I'm just say'n...I can buy off on a frog riding a bike, who's dating a pig and runs into a Orson Wells and things turn out swell, but c'mon, don't blantantly lie to me and expect me to take it lying down. SERIOUSLY!
She is also a fantatical tendency to make sure all reposing mammals (dog and cat) have 'blankies' (tea-towels) over their heads. I'm not sure if she's babying them or mummifying them.
Kermit's Rainbow song was on the Muppet Show tonight. The lead singer from Blondie was on (I can't remember her name).