Happy, new, year.

To herald the death of the old year and the arrival of the new, we allowed Henry to do the heretofore unthinkable: stay up until midnight. Would he manage it? He is a boy who is usually snoring peacefully by eight p.m. and stays that way for eleven or so hours. When he stays up even an hour after his bedtime, he devolves into a blithering maniac who skitters from room to room on all fours, speaking in tongues. So we had our doubts. Still, though, we were attending a get-together wherein the children would be pajama'd up and free to snooze, if they needed, so the worst that could happen is that he crashed along with some other preschoolers. Also, when had we not been sitting at home being boring, for New Year's Eve, since Henry was born? Never, is when.

By allowing Henry to stay up until midnight, we granted him his heart's desire. Every few days Henry pleads with me to let him stay up late. "But you will be insane," I tell him, but that makes no difference to him. Night time is when all the exciting stuff happens. When we don our smoking jackets and trade witty quips. And then retire to the playroom, to enjoy our Bionicles until the sun comes up.

Anyway, the party actually went well. Although the children were marinated in sugar and hopping up and down on each other's heads, there were no tears, no bloodshed, no broken bones. Henry was cheerful, if drowsy. As the clock struck midnight, he wrapped his flannel-clad body around me and whispered, "Please, can I go to bed, now? "

So all was fine and dandy, until we got home, and he went to sleep. And woke up. And woke up again. There are four reasons why he won't be up until midnight again until he's at least 30.

1. 2:00 am. I wake up to the sound of someone crashing around downstairs. There's a burglar! We're being burgled on the first day of 2008! Also, there's weeping. A highly emotional burglar is lurching around our home. I run to the stairs to restrain him and/or provide emotional succor. But of course it's Henry, who's on his way back up after wrecking the place, and is sobbing. "What's wrong?" I ask him. He lurches back to bed. "Aaaiiiiiigh," he tells me, and I ask him to repeat himself, but he's snoring.

2. 2:30 a.m. A pitiful wailing wakes me up. I make my way to Henry's bed, where he's under the covers, shrieking. "You have to ree my snore!" he screams. "What?" "You have to ream my store!" "WHAT?" "READ ME A STORY." Oh, I am so in the mood to read some Magic Schoolbus. But that must wait. Until I'm CONSCIOUS.

3. 3:00 a.m. Weeping, banging, screaming. I make Scott get up. More weeping, more screaming. Some of it is Scott. I get up. They're in the bathroom. "My eye hurts!" Henry is shrieking. There is much clutching of the eye and tossing his head back and forth, while Scott tries to get a look at what's going on in there. "If your eye is injured, my boy, you should let me look at it," Scott offers. "Quite," I murmur. (What, you don't think we can be that calm and reasonable at 3 am? You calling me a liar?) "NAAAAGH!" Henry wails, and runs back to his bed. Somehow I manage to pin him down and look at his eye. Because Henry's eyelashes are nine feet long, when there's a pain, it's usually an eyelash. In this case, his eye is fine. "There's nothing there, Henry," I tell him. He's asleep.

4. 3:30 a.m. Crying. More crying! I go there. To him. What do you want, what, WHAT? "I NEED TO PEE," he cries. I recommend that he goes to the bathroom. And stop myself from explaining loudly that I DO NOT NEED TO HELP HIM OUT WITH THIS. ALL CAPS.

And there you have it. We started the new year with a bang. And a whimper. And a poorly aimed whiz.

Comments

[Lacey]

That really was too funny.

Sounds like "night terrors," by the way. My son has them when he gets over-tired, too.

[MelissaC]

I might be mentioning something that y'all already know, but I remember being surprised when I read this: if you stay up (or keep kids up) past normal bedtime, the body begins producing cortisol in order to keep you awake. By the time you finally go to bed, there is much more cortisol than normal in your body, which causes you to have problems falling asleep, and problems staying asleep. You can't get into the deepest sleep, so you just keep waking over and over, and end up waking up earlier than usual in the morning. I can't for the life of me remember where I read it, but it totally changed the way I looked at my kids' bedtimes, and at my bedtime too! I remember having a discussion one time with a woman who didn't have kids, and she was criticizing her sister-in-law for complaining that her kids woke up too early in the morning. Childless lady's solution: "Just keep 'em up later!" I tried to patiently explain why that wouldn't work, but she just looked at me like I was a flake. Which, probably, but still!! I was right that time.

[MommyTime]

I am laughing out loud and wondering if perhaps my son actually spent New Year's in your family somehow. We have this wake-up thing sometimes...it usually goes like this:

HIM: asleep in the carME: carrying him up to bedHIM: [eyes shut] I'm not tired.ME: I know. I know.Then he falls asleep for an hour or so, and then the shrieking and crying starts for exactly the snore/store/story your son wanted. And, his leg hurts. Always the left one.

[cynical]

Six-month lurker, first-time commenter (I think. Unless maybe I am so old and forgetful that I just don't remember. Where was I again? Oh, right):I am so sorry about the terrible night but, oh, thank you, THANK YOU for making me laugh until I literally am crying with hysteria. (Not so thankful about the looks I'm getting from co-workers.) It was #1 (the emotionally distressed burglar in need of succor or restraint) that really got me going, and the rest just kept the tears rolling. I mean, really, what kid doesn't wish his store could be reamed in the middle of the night?

[qwyneth]

HEE! Our kid did that once. He was about six at the time. We're standing in the kitchen (we lived in an apartment, so it was not far from the bedroom), and all of a sudden stickybear walks in and visibly startles.

Us: Hi stickybear, what's--Stickybear: I HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM!Us: Uh, ok, you know wher--Stickybear: I HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM!Us: Ok! So go--Stickybear: I HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM!Husband: [grabs stickybear by the shoulders, marches him into bathroom]Stickybear: Oh.

[DM]

I truly love a finslippy day. I just love the highly emotional burglar thought. Priceless!

[qwyneth]

Also, I once watched him stumble to the bathroom, then walked in after he went out. Perfect line of pee straight up the seat back.

Tried to get his dad to enforce nighttime sitting to pee, but nooooo. So I made him clean the bathroom instead. WIN!

[Michele]

Heh. My oldest (7) got to stay up to midnight this year. At grandma's.

[Rachel]

I have to stop laughing long enough to express my deep sympathy for that terrible night. Once you get used to sleeping through the night, those random wakeups are just devastating. But thanks for sharing--that ends my last shred of guilt, thinking, "Should I have let my Five stay up until midnight?" Definitely no - the 9 pm bedtime was bad enough.Wishing you much sleep in 2008!

[Mauigirl]

I was going to mention that I always have trouble sleeping after staying up later than usual on New Year's Eve and then read Melissa's explanation! So now I know why!

Happy New Year Alice! LOL about the emotional burglar!

[noholzbarred]

Oh, god, I was CRYING of laughter by about halfway through this one. The sad lesson I'm learning, though, is that my life isn't going to change as my toddler gets older--he's a bad sleeper now, and will probably stay that way. Damn.

I will also confess that we ended up letting our 1-year-old stay up till midnight on NYE. But it wasn't on purpose, I swear! We'd brought his portable crib to our friend's house, but he would have none of it. Regular bedtime be damned--there were kitties that required chasing! So after several hours of taking turns in the bedroom with him, we decided that since we'd driven all the way over there, it would be a shame to miss the entire party, and there you have it. He chased the kitties to his heart's content, and then slept for seven straight hours, for the first time in his entire life.

[NTE]

I'm sorry your burglar had such a rough night, even if the story wound up being hilarious. Happy '08!

[Lisa]

Public Service Announcement: Reading this Finslippy post is not recommended if you are in the middle of drinking a "Soup at Hand" Creamy Chicken soup. As it is likely to come flying out your nose. Unless you're into that sort of thing.

[Manic Mommy]

You just quoted my life - except it's both boys (5 and 2 1/2) and my husband muttering profanities.

Kids went to bed at regular time. We watched Harry Potter, then went to bed at 11:00. We suck.

[jaelithe]

This is remarkably similar to what happened in our house when I let my son stay up until midnight this year.

[mandy]

My son wandered into the living room one night after he was suppposed to be asleep and my husband and I were actually eating sundaes from Sonic and watching Southpark (which just looked like a cartoon to him). Pretty much what he'd always suspected about the fun that happening after he went to sleep was confirmed. Now I have to promise that all we'll be doing after he goes to sleep are the dishes and folding clothes, and watching CNN.

[Lisa C]

Okay, that one just got you another donation. You have such an amazing gift. I'm excited to read your book. I'll buy copies for all my friends and tell them, "I knew her when...."

[jenn]

Im amazed you could even type after that night. I have two boys, and they are much like Henry when they stay up too late. My oldest son had a sleep over new years eve.. he came home grouchy and slept all day. my youngest throws fits and laughs like a maniac if we let him stay up. I feel your pain. And even though i feel your pain, I still laughed, chuckled even at your story.

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