Give me your highly conditional love.

Where have you been, Alice? Well, I've been right here, dealing with a love-sick psychotic!

Henry's school has been on winter break this week. Because four-year-olds need a break from all that fingerpainting and storytime. (Yeah, I know, the teachers need a break, what-ever.) It's been fun, because my kid, frankly, is a lot of fun, but also? He's kind of nuts. Yesterday he wept because he loves me "and it's just so good." A few minutes later, when I suggested that he put on his socks, he informed me that he was going to "slice [my] head off." When I suggested that perhaps that wasn't the best turn of phrase, he clutched my legs and swore that he was saying it to himself, as a funny little joke. Then he told me he would love me even after he was dead dead dead. Could he have a cookie? No? Then he didn't even like me and never would.

When he got over that bit of heartbreak, he sang me this song:

I love love you so much

I just can't handle it

Behold Mommy! You're the best one ever!

[whispering] but I wish you were a better one

P.S.: Wonderland today! Go see!

Comments

[falwyn]

The jokes! Yes, it is the time of jokes for my 4.5 year old. "I was just kidding, Mom." Mostly not in connection with unpleasantries, but no doubt that other shoe, it will be dropping soon.

[elise]

I second the idea of a series starring the characters Bipolar and Emo.

Lots of potential there!

[amanda]

He is magnificent! I found myself playing the role of punching bag to a frenetic 1-2, 1-2, 1-1-,2-2-, "Mama hold you!" and "Mama! Don't touch me!" flurry of 2.5 year old punches.

Nothin' like the emotional whiplash of being needed and harted and needed again in the space of, of, 90 seconds.

[amanda]

He is magnificent! I found myself playing the role of punching bag to a frenetic 1-2, 1-2, 1-1-,2-2-, "Mama hold you!" and "Mama! Don't touch me!" flurry of 2.5 year old punches.

Nothin' like the emotional whiplash of being needed and harted and needed again in the space of, of, 90 seconds.

[Weeze]

I think I've dated your son.

[IrishGoddess]

I've been told in the same instance that I'm hated AND I'm loved "better than Noggin".

[jaleh Teymourian]

I've always said that if half the things coming out of my kid's mouth were uttered by an adult, they'd be frickin' craz-y.

[Mignon]

Dude, I feel for you. Five seems slightly less schizo, but the increase in vocabulary with which to insult is no fun either. If he's all emo at 4 and a half, does that mean the next stage is full-fledged nihilism?

[emjaybee]

I gotta say, I don't remember reading ANY of this in the Sears books. But now that I think about it, my toddler does a lot of "mamamamama!" in a sweet love voice, followed by angry wailing. And his loving hugs often end with biting, but I hope that's just teething.

[Katie]

And what's with the slicing off of body parts? Over winter break, I was watching television quietly with my four year old niece when she turned to me and asked if she could slice my cheeks off. I looked at her and slowly said, "Noooo." She then asked, "What about your nose?" Again, I said no. And then, as if offering me something to really mull over, she promised that "it will hurt real bad." I said no, one more time, as I moved away from her on the couch. We then resumed watching television.

[Lisa O]

It is creepy just how in synch yours and my four-and-a-half-year-olds are. And I stress the "and-a-half" because the stalk-y kinda love is happening here too. Mine turned four just as Henry did and I actually borrowed your post to try to explain "four" to those who hadn't yet experienced it yet as I was in the throes. Zoe uses the "I was just saying it to myself silly!" line all the freakin time! Tonight in the car she was "singing too loud" to herself. And the borderline creepy but still sweet proclimations? Tonights I got: "I just love you so much ... Can we die together?" She sounds like Air Supply or Journey ...

[OMSH]

Yep, he's 4.

[Kelly]

I am just loving your posts about Henry now that he's 4 1/2. Ethan was also so VERY loving (most of the time...they change their mind on a dime no?) during 4 -- I was actually fearing 5. It's mostly the same but with more outbursts of YOU ARE NOT MY FRIEND anytime he doesn't get his way. But still lots of adoration thrown in. He is SO good for my ego!

[crazyjane]

get used to it. my almost 8yr old is still like that. he regularly informs me that, while he knows he can't marry me (because i'm already married to daddy), when ho does get married they are going to live in his current bedroom, because he could never live away from me. and he regulary tells me how he hates me. in fact, last december when i put his toy dinosaur in time out (for spitting chewed up carrots all over my car) he had such a fit of rage that after screaming how much he hates me for literally 40 minutes he decided that "when i go see santa i'm going to tell him that I WANT YOU DEAD FOR CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!". sweet, huh?

[AuthorMomDogNut]

I have one of those too... Hope she never changes. At least on the "I'll love you even after I die" part.

[Meghan]

Your Henry makes me laugh out loud at work on a regular basis.

Oh man, that child is funny.

[Susie]

Yeah- imagine 20 nutty 4 years olds in one room with their swinging emotions and I guess that is why teachers need breaks.