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Let's Panic: The Book!

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How to Endure and Possibly Triumph Over the Adorable Tyrant
who Will Ruin Your Body, Destroy Your Life, Liquefy Your Brain,
and Finally Turn You
into a Worthwhile
Human Being.

Written by Alice Bradley and Eden Kennedy

Some Books
I'm In...

Sleep Is
For The Weak

Chicago Review Press

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Let's Panic

The site that inspired the book!

At LET'S PANIC ABOUT BABIES, Eden Kennedy and I share our hard-won wisdom and tell you exactly what to think and feel and do, whether you're about to have a baby or already did and don't know what to do with it. → 

« Update. | Main | I just have to figure out how he printed this. »

Fretting is like aerobics for the mind.

So my dad’s going in for surgery at 9:00 a.m. tomorrow.

This is insane, but I might as well tell you: this surgery seems impossible to me; I mull it over and read up on the gory details and every time I end up feeling altogether poorly about it. And here’s the crazy part: it’s because I can’t figure out how such a surgery is possible. Are you with me? If I can’t figure out how to do something, it stands to reason that no one can. I don’t know when I got so egomaniacal, but there it is. Operating on a heart! Who ever heard of such an insane act? You need the heart at all times; you don’t go fiddling with it. Much less opening it up and sticking pig parts in there.

If I were a surgeon, I’d be in the operating room saying things like, “Okay, let’s just, you know, start cutting this nice person open, and—hold up a minute here, I have to vomit for an hour or two. Okay. No, I’m good. No, wait, still sick. Wow. Didn’t think a person could vomit out through their eyes, did you? Well, we all learned something today. You know what? This whole surgery thing doesn’t seem right to me at all. Who’s for lunch?”

Obviously we’re all grateful that I didn’t pursue a medical degree.

In general I tend to be unable to relax when I’m not in control. You should see me in a plane. I’m the one in 34F, flying the plane with my mind. It’s not easy but someone has to do it, and what, I’m going to trust those drunks in the cockpit?

In conclusion, I am insane. Thank you. I have to go fret now.

Reader Comments (37)

Not insane. Perhaps worried, fretting?

Things will work out fine. Sending good thoughts.
May 20, 2005 | Unregistered Commenterkat
Say--the heart just swishes your blood around your circulatory system. When they do open-heart surgery they just hook you up to a machine that swishes your blood for you and take the heart out of the loop until the surgery's done.

You are no longer worried now!!Next: I cure world hunger!
May 20, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterPontificant
Been there, done that. Believe it or not, this is one of the more common surgeries that are done now-a-days and people bounce back pretty quickly. Personally I think the whole thing is barbaric.

The hardest thing to recover from in heart surgery is the fact that they crack your chest cavity open. So, there are a lot of hospitals that are experimenting with laser surgery instead of opening the chest cavity to eliminate most of the recovery time.

Good luck and everything will be just fine; though from personal experience I know that it is a hard thing to go through. Once your dad is all healed up he will feel like a million bucks (my own dad runs around recommending that people have heart surgery because he felt like a new man after!).
May 20, 2005 | Unregistered Commentersharbean
the dad is still recuperating from flying the plane back and forth between the big apple and home last week. that mind flying is some strenuous stuff!
May 20, 2005 | Unregistered Commenterchris
Please do not fret and we hope everything has gone well.

thinking of you...

A & L
May 20, 2005 | Unregistered Commenterxcohn
As a pilot, I am relieved to hear that you guys are back there flying the plane. Now I can keep reading the paper in peace.

PsWe aren't really drunk, usually just so tired we look it.
May 20, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterZach
I hope your father came through his surgery all right. And I, for one, am glad that you people are flying the plane with your mind. I'm too freaked out to concentrate on it.
May 20, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterDM
Hope all went well. My father in law had a quint-bypass abt 6 years ago. Recovery was long and difficult but like someonesaid - mostly cuz they cracked his chest open. OUCH! Now he is in great health and back toan active lifestyle.

I had back surgery about 3 months ago and what struck me was how relax the surgeon was about cutting into my spine. It scared the crap out of me - kinda made me feel like an old car going in for some repair. But then I thought - well they are relaxed because they know what they're doing. Now it's 3 months later and I can walk without pain! Damn good surgeons!

I am sending positive thoughts to you and your family. Keep us posted.

BTW I want to personally thank everyone telepathetically flying the planes too. Glad I'm not the only nutter out there doing that! Be well.
May 20, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterNatasha
sometimes i think i am most in control when i am totally out of it. probably why i sleep so soundly on airplanes. either that or the boredom.

hope he pulls through flying.
May 20, 2005 | Unregistered Commenterthe mighty jimbo
Herself believes that by pushing with both hands against the inside of the car window, she's keeping that semi from changing lanes on top of us. We're still here so it's hard to argue with her about it.

Best of luck to your Dad.
May 21, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterRobert
Hi, still sending good wishes to you and your dad... please let us know how things are going when you can. Hall

May 21, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterHall
Sending prayers and good vibes to your Dad for a speedy recovery.
May 21, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterBusy Mom

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